![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
I've been putting off talking about this because I feared a certain situation had gone one way and it turns out that it did. And I wanted to hold out hope, however foolish, for as long as possible. Tuesday night those hopes went down in flames.
Drama queen? Me? Perish the thought.
Years ago, before Dad died, I worked with a lady named Donna. Not to be confused with the lady I work with now named Donna. First Donna went by Donnajo, though I'm not sure if she did that with everyone or just me or what. Doesn't matter. Loved her. She was the type to get on the intercom and tell the drunk idiots to stop horseplaying in the house, and when they'd stop in the aisle and look confused, she'd say, "that means no running in the store, and yes this means you." She had zero fucks to give and she was funny as hell. She could also be mean when she needed to be and I'd absolutely not want to be on her bad side. But she was the coworker who would get off work at 2am and then come back at 8am to give me a ride home because the truck was fucked again. She never made me feel bad about it and always showed up on time, making sure that I'd get off the clock when I was supposed to instead of having to basically trick someone into doing their job and letting me leave.
When my dad died and I had to call and tell work, I got her on the phone and in my haze I remember saying it really weird and she rolled with it because she realized I was still obviously in shock.
I cried so hard when she moved away, partly because she was one of the only coworkers I had who had met my dad (and for whatever reason, probably because it was that same year, or within 12 months of him dying, that felt really important to me at the time) and partly because for her flaws, I adored her. Again, this woman was no saint, but I felt cheated out of getting more time with her. But she and her mama moved to Arizona, possibly because her mom's health? I don't really remember now, but it's also possible that her mother wanted to be closer to other members of the family. In any case, they moved out to AZ and we kept in touch, by writing letters/cards and phone calls, despite the fact that Donna was absolutely terrible with tech. Like I'd gone to her house to help her set up her gmail and facebook accounts and she almost promptly lost access to both. :P
Then her mama died, and there was a family rift growing wider amongst her older relatives, and then there was a kerfuffle between Donna and her granddaughters which basically resulted in them taking her mother's stuff, their house, and kicking Donna out. Donna went to Texas to live with her son. Again, we kept in touch. Maybe not as much as either would've liked, but it was very rare to go past big holidays without at least a happy _whatever holiday_ or birthday text. During the summer, I'd send her messages from the pool because when she lived here, she spent a lot of time at the pool at her complex and I know if she'd still been living here, she'd have come to hang out with me so I wouldn't be alone at the pool.
Annnnnnnnnnd I know you all know where this is going to end up because of the tense being used, but we'll get there shortly.
I'd like to say we had super deep text messages and whatnot, but a lot of it was the weather and little updates, like her gardening or how the dog was doing, or my frustration with work or me getting my permit finally. A lot of weather talk (her part of Texas has INSANE weather shifts) with little life updates thrown in.
When Hal (Cass's stepfather) died and I came back from his celebration of life brunch, I tried calling but she didn't answer. Not really a thing to worry about since she was probably busy and she did text later. A little before Christmas she sent me a text letting me know my card had been sent late, but would get there hopefully soon. Went back and looked and we wished each other a happy solstice and had a little "hope yours was nice/ it was" exchange, and then I wished her a Merry Christmas Eve. No reply. But not terribly unusual since I had just heard from her and, like me, she was very good at thinking she'd replied only to realize a couple of weeks later that no, she had not hit send. I was a little startled when I realized she hadn't replied to my NY's text but again, it's a busy time of the year. I sent her a text on the 12th saying I missed her, and she got/read that one... but no reply. I'm fairly certain I called around then a couple of times but I won't swear to that. I sent her a "I hope you're okay" text on the 21st, and it wasn't read. I sent a miss you text on the 30th. Also not read.
So, I figured there were a couple of scenarios.
1) Donna was in the hospital and didn't have access to her phone for whatever reason.
2) She got a new phone and given her tech history, was unable to move all her old contacts over and also had a new number and it hadn't occurred to her to just send me a letter telling me so. I figured that last bit because it took me too long to realize I really could just send her a card/letter.
3) She died and no one had let me know, possibly (probably?) because they either had no way or didn't know I existed and would want to know.
I admit I dragged my feet a little once I realized I could send a card. Partly because stamps are fucking expensive and we'd used the last of ours for the January rent check and partly because I really, really did not want it to be door number three and once I sent that card, there was a very high probability that I would find out my answer... and two of those three options were not good.
Eventually got stamps and I picked out a card and, with my Valentines, I sent her a card letting her know I missed her and hoped the long time of radio silence was because she'd gotten a new phone and just couldn't get my info from her old one. So I left my number and made sure my address and name were legible just in case.
And then I waited.
Tuesday, after dinner, I went upstairs for my nap before work and noticed I had a call from a number I didn't know. Which isn't unusual as I get a fair amount of spam. But I had a text. From her son. Asking me to call back at my earliest convenience.
And I knew. I'd known for awhile, honestly, but I really fucking wanted to be wrong. I checked my voicemails just to see if he'd left one, but he hadn't. Maybe ten minutes later, after I'd called him back but didn't get an answer, he called back.
She died January 26th around 4:30am. They'd both gotten sick over Christmas, and at first he thought it was just a cold, and that's all it was... for him. But she didn't get better, so he took her to the ER before NYE and she never came home. She bounced around four hospitals, including a really fantastic one, but due to other health issues, things snowballed and she wasn't a candidate for a transplant.
She and her daughter made up before the illness knocked her for a loop mentally, which is good. (I will say that prior to sending the card, I did a little snooping and nothing on her social media, or the grands' made mention of Donna's death, which was the only hope I could cling to and even that was basically me pretending it meant anything at all.)
The reason he hadn't contacted me before, despite knowing she had a friend she talked to in SC, was because in her haze towards the end, she'd get her phone out and think she was calling people, but in reality she was deleting their numbers. He had to re-do his own number multiple times. I told you she was tech challenged.
So I was last to know simply because I was on the list of people she'd cared enough to try and get in touch with. Honestly, I hope she thought she did get ahold of me and had a wonderful conversation with me in her mind because I really wish I'd gotten to say goodbye.
I am absolutely heartbroken and have been for awhile, even before the call. It's just now it's confirmed. Part of me wants to dig through my pile of mail to find her card because I don't even remember if I opened it or not (I'd been saving it to have something to look forward to whatever day it came because holiday fuckery) and part of me cannot handle the idea of that right now. It's not like I hadn't known this day would (likely) come at some point since she wasn't that much younger than my parents but still.
And in the "it's a small, small world" category, my brother currently lives in her old apartment complex.
At some point soon, I'm gonna try and head out to the beach to hunt for shells, as that's something she and her mama did a lot when they lived here, and something I know she missed doing.
Drama queen? Me? Perish the thought.
Years ago, before Dad died, I worked with a lady named Donna. Not to be confused with the lady I work with now named Donna. First Donna went by Donnajo, though I'm not sure if she did that with everyone or just me or what. Doesn't matter. Loved her. She was the type to get on the intercom and tell the drunk idiots to stop horseplaying in the house, and when they'd stop in the aisle and look confused, she'd say, "that means no running in the store, and yes this means you." She had zero fucks to give and she was funny as hell. She could also be mean when she needed to be and I'd absolutely not want to be on her bad side. But she was the coworker who would get off work at 2am and then come back at 8am to give me a ride home because the truck was fucked again. She never made me feel bad about it and always showed up on time, making sure that I'd get off the clock when I was supposed to instead of having to basically trick someone into doing their job and letting me leave.
When my dad died and I had to call and tell work, I got her on the phone and in my haze I remember saying it really weird and she rolled with it because she realized I was still obviously in shock.
I cried so hard when she moved away, partly because she was one of the only coworkers I had who had met my dad (and for whatever reason, probably because it was that same year, or within 12 months of him dying, that felt really important to me at the time) and partly because for her flaws, I adored her. Again, this woman was no saint, but I felt cheated out of getting more time with her. But she and her mama moved to Arizona, possibly because her mom's health? I don't really remember now, but it's also possible that her mother wanted to be closer to other members of the family. In any case, they moved out to AZ and we kept in touch, by writing letters/cards and phone calls, despite the fact that Donna was absolutely terrible with tech. Like I'd gone to her house to help her set up her gmail and facebook accounts and she almost promptly lost access to both. :P
Then her mama died, and there was a family rift growing wider amongst her older relatives, and then there was a kerfuffle between Donna and her granddaughters which basically resulted in them taking her mother's stuff, their house, and kicking Donna out. Donna went to Texas to live with her son. Again, we kept in touch. Maybe not as much as either would've liked, but it was very rare to go past big holidays without at least a happy _whatever holiday_ or birthday text. During the summer, I'd send her messages from the pool because when she lived here, she spent a lot of time at the pool at her complex and I know if she'd still been living here, she'd have come to hang out with me so I wouldn't be alone at the pool.
Annnnnnnnnnd I know you all know where this is going to end up because of the tense being used, but we'll get there shortly.
I'd like to say we had super deep text messages and whatnot, but a lot of it was the weather and little updates, like her gardening or how the dog was doing, or my frustration with work or me getting my permit finally. A lot of weather talk (her part of Texas has INSANE weather shifts) with little life updates thrown in.
When Hal (Cass's stepfather) died and I came back from his celebration of life brunch, I tried calling but she didn't answer. Not really a thing to worry about since she was probably busy and she did text later. A little before Christmas she sent me a text letting me know my card had been sent late, but would get there hopefully soon. Went back and looked and we wished each other a happy solstice and had a little "hope yours was nice/ it was" exchange, and then I wished her a Merry Christmas Eve. No reply. But not terribly unusual since I had just heard from her and, like me, she was very good at thinking she'd replied only to realize a couple of weeks later that no, she had not hit send. I was a little startled when I realized she hadn't replied to my NY's text but again, it's a busy time of the year. I sent her a text on the 12th saying I missed her, and she got/read that one... but no reply. I'm fairly certain I called around then a couple of times but I won't swear to that. I sent her a "I hope you're okay" text on the 21st, and it wasn't read. I sent a miss you text on the 30th. Also not read.
So, I figured there were a couple of scenarios.
1) Donna was in the hospital and didn't have access to her phone for whatever reason.
2) She got a new phone and given her tech history, was unable to move all her old contacts over and also had a new number and it hadn't occurred to her to just send me a letter telling me so. I figured that last bit because it took me too long to realize I really could just send her a card/letter.
3) She died and no one had let me know, possibly (probably?) because they either had no way or didn't know I existed and would want to know.
I admit I dragged my feet a little once I realized I could send a card. Partly because stamps are fucking expensive and we'd used the last of ours for the January rent check and partly because I really, really did not want it to be door number three and once I sent that card, there was a very high probability that I would find out my answer... and two of those three options were not good.
Eventually got stamps and I picked out a card and, with my Valentines, I sent her a card letting her know I missed her and hoped the long time of radio silence was because she'd gotten a new phone and just couldn't get my info from her old one. So I left my number and made sure my address and name were legible just in case.
And then I waited.
Tuesday, after dinner, I went upstairs for my nap before work and noticed I had a call from a number I didn't know. Which isn't unusual as I get a fair amount of spam. But I had a text. From her son. Asking me to call back at my earliest convenience.
And I knew. I'd known for awhile, honestly, but I really fucking wanted to be wrong. I checked my voicemails just to see if he'd left one, but he hadn't. Maybe ten minutes later, after I'd called him back but didn't get an answer, he called back.
She died January 26th around 4:30am. They'd both gotten sick over Christmas, and at first he thought it was just a cold, and that's all it was... for him. But she didn't get better, so he took her to the ER before NYE and she never came home. She bounced around four hospitals, including a really fantastic one, but due to other health issues, things snowballed and she wasn't a candidate for a transplant.
She and her daughter made up before the illness knocked her for a loop mentally, which is good. (I will say that prior to sending the card, I did a little snooping and nothing on her social media, or the grands' made mention of Donna's death, which was the only hope I could cling to and even that was basically me pretending it meant anything at all.)
The reason he hadn't contacted me before, despite knowing she had a friend she talked to in SC, was because in her haze towards the end, she'd get her phone out and think she was calling people, but in reality she was deleting their numbers. He had to re-do his own number multiple times. I told you she was tech challenged.
So I was last to know simply because I was on the list of people she'd cared enough to try and get in touch with. Honestly, I hope she thought she did get ahold of me and had a wonderful conversation with me in her mind because I really wish I'd gotten to say goodbye.
I am absolutely heartbroken and have been for awhile, even before the call. It's just now it's confirmed. Part of me wants to dig through my pile of mail to find her card because I don't even remember if I opened it or not (I'd been saving it to have something to look forward to whatever day it came because holiday fuckery) and part of me cannot handle the idea of that right now. It's not like I hadn't known this day would (likely) come at some point since she wasn't that much younger than my parents but still.
And in the "it's a small, small world" category, my brother currently lives in her old apartment complex.
At some point soon, I'm gonna try and head out to the beach to hunt for shells, as that's something she and her mama did a lot when they lived here, and something I know she missed doing.
no subject