and the infinite sadness

I will not go to sleep with a bad attitude. I just refuse to do so. Because if I do, I'll wake up in a funk and that'll just lead to a truly hellish night. I'm sooooo not looking forward to working tonight because I'll be the weasel's lackey. The weasel could be worse, mind you, but he seems completely divorced from the reality of whatever we've been told to do. :p

I kind of wish Rose & I hadn't burned through the ad tags so fast. He'll always expect that to happen now.
-_-

*sighs and feels awfully sad for no real identifiable reason* Not enough sugar in my diet? Doubtful considering the way I knock back the soda. Although since Ryan began shacking up here I haven't had half as many Pepsis as I normally do. Nor have I been eating as much and yet my pants are too tight. o_O Stupid period.

Stupid C-ass asking personal questions as she arrived to whisk Ryan away to the apartment of things I'd really rather not think about Ryan doing. [um, minds out of the gutter, please. If he were that stupid, I'd castrate him with his own knife. I promise you that.] But maybe if I liked to smoke, drink, and get high on an hourly basis like the roommates, I'd feel differently about him going to visit the fanclub. :p But I don't. I've seen too many people do stupid shit when high, had to keep someone from sharp objects while they were drunk, and watched too many people die from smoking related cancer to really find any of the above all that fun. I'm an upper, man. An upper!

Woe.

But BPW has begun the application process @ HC and I'm loving it. :D I'm hoping that things will go really well and that there will be a perfect lightning bolt for each character and that I'll get to see lots of Sally 'round in sigs. ;) Because ... yummy! Yes. Yummy. And now because I'm a whore, I share the bannery goodness:


You know you love it. Stop denying it.

What've I been up to? Um. Hrmm. Enjoying the hell out of Heidi's leaded snow card [yush, your mail is about to be sent. stupid stamps being so small are lost. If I can find the magic bucket though...], trying to juggle a boyfriend, a job, the computery goodness, and other things, all while trying desperately to get some freakin' sleep. The boyfriend thing is the weirdest part. I'm not the sort of girl to prance around the room saying, "I have a boyfriend" but he's telling everyone he sees that he is. o_O Which, I guess isn't bad. It's just... weird. Things with us in the past have always gone to hell shortly after making anything semi official. Wow with the vague, I know. It's just... weird. I've known him for *thinks* about seven years [holy... christ.] I think, and... sorry. I just blew my mind [sniffle for the amber board. sniffle!] with that fact. And after two we tried dating and that just went all to hell after awhile because, to be frank, we're both crazy. And that went into overdrive in late winter about a year later, if it took that long. I don't really enjoy the fact that I can't remember much about four months of my semi-recent life, but I don't. It's a sucking void there. *shrug* And the things I do remember? I'd rather not. Odd.

Well. I need sleep.

with you I might start to feel... with you, I will get there. with you, i will live for real

when the rain falls, you fall in love again

gotta get away from here

If I were a cat, my tail would be doing that frantic twitching that says, "back.the.fuck.off." For good measure, I'd add a bitch at the end. Not happy am I.

I wish I were psychic and it wasn't just that people I don't even know all that well are just too damn predictable. Guess who is staying out all night again tonight? Indeed. Ryan. Woo. I'm not sure what bothers me most about this. Is it..
A) He's spent the last three nights [at least] whinging about me having to go to work and now he's going to spend the first half of my day off out with other people?
B) That Cass and company will move heaven and earth to see him and include him in all sorts of things, and yet any other Saturday night, even if I had the night off, they'd just flat out ignore me? That again I'm the one shoved aside, looking in and thinking, "If only..."?
C) That I'm worried I'm going to get some call from Cass later on [either tonight or weeks from now] saying, "Hey, Ryan did -this- and -that- and those will be things he swears up and down he doesn't do anymore and bam. He'll be a liar, or she'll be a liar, and I can't figure out which one it'll be because they've both taken great pains to lie to me in the past? Which, I admit doesn't paint them in the best light, but they both got busted in their lies at the same time a few years ago, and because I'm me, I still remember enough to know that things. Were. Not. Good.

All of the above? None of the above? Bah. I don't know. I'm leaning towards a smidge of all of the above. Holly knows I'm tired of having to ignore the nagging feeling that sometime tonight I'm going to get a call from C-ass and I'm going to just go off, man.

as I took him in my arms, he screamed I'm not insane, I'm just looking for someone to understand my pain...

Oddly enough, I've found that when Princess [my brother in this case] is seriously distressed, I get that way too. Since his ass got dumped, and probably will have to deal with his bestfriend and his [ex]girlfriend hooking up, he ain't a happy camper.

Or else I'm a drama queen. Yessss. It could be that. I thought I'd kicked that habit awhile ago. Damn. It.

Also, not loving this new Five for Fighting CD. Not hating. But not in love with. Sigh.

Now. Do I sleep until 11 and thus ensure I will not go to sleep after getting off work [leading to me being a very pissed off Imp when/if his majesty appears], but also making sure that I don't stumble around work like I'm a zombie... or do I stay up, ensuring I'll sleep tomorrow morning [hopefully], but upping the possibility that I'll be dead on my feet at work?

Here is your horoscope for Sunday, July 18:

That touchy issue about an intimate matter that has recently reared its ugly head once again? Not to worry. Ignore it, and it really, truly will go away. Start now.


Wheee.