i'm not o-fucking-kay

Okay. So I slept, I should be in a much better mood. I ate something. Cass sent me three songs without making me jump through hoops for them. [ ;) ]

So why is my brain not in a better mood?

I want to run away. I wish my bike worked. Hell, I wish we still lived in the other neighborhood. Then I'd just flat out walk away. But...

I'd forgotten the easiest way to be happy is to find a band you like [but aren't overly fanatical about, which is easy for me], find a forum that doesn't make your eyes bleed, and then find the first "girlfriend?/boyfriend?/gaystraightbi" thread you can... and read it. See, you can't be fanatical because if you are, you'll just send your stress levels sky high. But if you aren't, you'll laugh as people start catfighting in an attempt to head off catfighting.

I swear, it's the easiest way to ensure a happy.

Sigh. I'm still feeling all kinds of tense and coiled, ready to kill someone. I dreamt, the other night, that I was running. It was fun. That's how I knew it was a dream. I have never really enjoyed running. At least not since I tripped over a brick and twisted my ankle and it never did heal properly.

I could go walk right now though. I could.

But I don't wanna. I'm lazy. I don't want to hunt down clothes to wear, socks, shoes, batteries for my discman so I won't have to think... you get the idea. I'm thinking I might tomorrow. I could spy on families doing the Easter Egg hunt thing.

Could someone please pull whatever it is that's making me unhappy out of my head and throw it away? Incinerate it if you want. Or at least make it work for me somehow.

Anyway. If you're all bored and need songs I'm going to force you to listen to, you might as well hop on the bandwagons I'm about to present you with.

the used- all that i've got
my chemical romance- helena

actually, the videos are half of what makes these two songs so cool, so if you find 'em [hint: mtv2's retool of their format makes this incredibly easy] watch. you can't miss 'em. helena's blue and black and a funeral.

now if I could only find a cap of that one shot in 'all that i've got' i'd be happy. but nooooooo.

my back hurts. i think sleep is needed.

so deep that it didn't even bleed

If you were somehow monitoring my mood swings today, you'd have whiplash by now. Eaaaaaarrrrrrly this morning I was blue [yes, yes you should have been able to tell that], so I went to my room to see if I could properly mimic a movie scene for PP. I couldn't, so I napped. Only I woke up after an hour. Breakfast! And then I decided to watch Recess: School's Out which I'd taped last night. After being entirely too sniffley at the stupid opening [King Bob! Gone! Sob!], we went into happy. And went into super happy from 2-4 when I called Ari. But shortly thereafter I crashed back into bad mood. :/ Not even a trip to the toystore with a free pass to buy the dolls I thought I wanted worked. I realized I didn't want two of the super expensive ones, and I didn't want two of the cheaper ones. Sooooooo... I didn't get either.

I'm not good at shopping my woes away. Not really, anyway. Which is a good thing, but I was hoping to come back from the emotional abyss. I'm fine with being semi-miserable if I can figure out why. But I can't.

Blah. On an upside, I cleaned the area right in front of my bed and took out four bags of trash. So, yay for me.

woo-fucking-hoo.