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sing me anything
Nov. 11th, 2005 09:43 am You just know.
That's a crock. I knew for sure I would marry Daniel and we would live as happily ever as any couple ever could. I thought he felt the same way.
I thought a lot of things.
I remember smiling.
That's the thing I remember most about that morning. The way I couldn't help but smile as the sun half blinded me. The way Daniel and I couldn't keep our hands off each other as we snuck off to breakfast, the way he'd look at me like I was the only person in the world. I remember being so happy I honestly thought I would die right then and it would be okay.
Now I sort of wish I had.
I remember the way his arms wrapped around me to keep me warm, the way my heart beat so fast that I felt dizzy everytime we kissed. The way he smiled at me, this slow, sexy smile that he reserved just for me. The way his eyes crinkled in the corner when he smiled. I remember this way his heart sounded when I would rest my head on his shoulder.
"I love you," he said.
We kissed again and I swear the earth came to a halt right then. When I could breathe again, I couldn't help but remind him, "We're getting married."
I remember smiling.
My best friend, Leigh, has these amazing green eyes. I've always been envious of her, the way her eyes seem to grow in direct proportion to her mood. The way they sparkle when she's happy, the way they seem to swallow you whole when she's upset... She's got gorgeous eyes.
Looking at her eyes right then, I thought I would drown.
"Sweetie, maybe you should sit down." Her voice is too low, too soft.
Oh. God.
"He's not coming, honey. He's... I... He's not coming. I don't know why. He didn't say, but he's not coming." Tears slide down her cheeks and I wonder how she's able to cry.
"Oh." That's it. That's all I can think to say. I should be crying, right? Or maybe I should be furious? Is that it? Am I so angry that I've lost all the words I ever thought I'd need?
"Honey? Laura, say something. Please?"
"Is that all he said?"
She nods and I watch as her red hair slides over her shoulders. I stare at the curls and the way the dying sunlight seems to set them ablaze.
"Laura.? You're... Do you want me to tell everyone?" It's not what she wants to say. I know that she wants to say I'm scaring her, but to be honest, I'm scaring me too.
I close my eyes and say, "Please."
Oh. GOD.
I love you.
But not enough, apparently. Not the way I thought.
To their credit, no one comes anywhere near me. I hear Seth, Daniel's best friend, try to con Leigh into passing along a message, but I can't hear what exactly the message is. Eventually Seth leaves and for a minute I think I'm going to cry. If Seth is willing to give up that easy, my life really must be falling apart.
Ohgod.
The day is turning cold and I start to shiver.
Leigh's phone is at my feet, I guess she figured maybe I'd want to call and scream at Daniel or something. It's a little after eight. I should be married right now. I should be ridiculously happy right now. I should be dancing or eating or listening to music my mother and Daniel's managed to compromise on. I shouldn't be here.
I was wrong.
I'm not cold anymore.
I'm not anything anymore.
"Come on, let's get you... Oh. Shit."
She was going to say home. But Daniel and I were going to move into his aunt's house. It was our wedding present. His aunt was giving us a house. My apartment is pretty much all packed up and in a month it won't even be mine anymore. It's not home.
Home is 1311 Magnolia Avenue. Home is where Daniel is avoiding my calls, or would be if I could work up the nerve to call him. I know he's there because I checked Leigh's phone.
Home is warm and comforting and where nothing will ever hurt you for too long. Where you go to make things okay, where someone loves you and will love you until their dying day. Because they promised. Because you believed. Because you would do the same for them.
Home doesn't exist anymore.
I wanna go home so bad it hurts. I just want to go home.
I love you.
What a crock.
That's a crock. I knew for sure I would marry Daniel and we would live as happily ever as any couple ever could. I thought he felt the same way.
I thought a lot of things.
I remember smiling.
That's the thing I remember most about that morning. The way I couldn't help but smile as the sun half blinded me. The way Daniel and I couldn't keep our hands off each other as we snuck off to breakfast, the way he'd look at me like I was the only person in the world. I remember being so happy I honestly thought I would die right then and it would be okay.
Now I sort of wish I had.
I remember the way his arms wrapped around me to keep me warm, the way my heart beat so fast that I felt dizzy everytime we kissed. The way he smiled at me, this slow, sexy smile that he reserved just for me. The way his eyes crinkled in the corner when he smiled. I remember this way his heart sounded when I would rest my head on his shoulder.
"I love you," he said.
We kissed again and I swear the earth came to a halt right then. When I could breathe again, I couldn't help but remind him, "We're getting married."
I remember smiling.
My best friend, Leigh, has these amazing green eyes. I've always been envious of her, the way her eyes seem to grow in direct proportion to her mood. The way they sparkle when she's happy, the way they seem to swallow you whole when she's upset... She's got gorgeous eyes.
Looking at her eyes right then, I thought I would drown.
"Sweetie, maybe you should sit down." Her voice is too low, too soft.
Oh. God.
"He's not coming, honey. He's... I... He's not coming. I don't know why. He didn't say, but he's not coming." Tears slide down her cheeks and I wonder how she's able to cry.
"Oh." That's it. That's all I can think to say. I should be crying, right? Or maybe I should be furious? Is that it? Am I so angry that I've lost all the words I ever thought I'd need?
"Honey? Laura, say something. Please?"
"Is that all he said?"
She nods and I watch as her red hair slides over her shoulders. I stare at the curls and the way the dying sunlight seems to set them ablaze.
"Laura.? You're... Do you want me to tell everyone?" It's not what she wants to say. I know that she wants to say I'm scaring her, but to be honest, I'm scaring me too.
I close my eyes and say, "Please."
Oh. GOD.
I love you.
But not enough, apparently. Not the way I thought.
To their credit, no one comes anywhere near me. I hear Seth, Daniel's best friend, try to con Leigh into passing along a message, but I can't hear what exactly the message is. Eventually Seth leaves and for a minute I think I'm going to cry. If Seth is willing to give up that easy, my life really must be falling apart.
Ohgod.
The day is turning cold and I start to shiver.
Leigh's phone is at my feet, I guess she figured maybe I'd want to call and scream at Daniel or something. It's a little after eight. I should be married right now. I should be ridiculously happy right now. I should be dancing or eating or listening to music my mother and Daniel's managed to compromise on. I shouldn't be here.
I was wrong.
I'm not cold anymore.
I'm not anything anymore.
"Come on, let's get you... Oh. Shit."
She was going to say home. But Daniel and I were going to move into his aunt's house. It was our wedding present. His aunt was giving us a house. My apartment is pretty much all packed up and in a month it won't even be mine anymore. It's not home.
Home is 1311 Magnolia Avenue. Home is where Daniel is avoiding my calls, or would be if I could work up the nerve to call him. I know he's there because I checked Leigh's phone.
Home is warm and comforting and where nothing will ever hurt you for too long. Where you go to make things okay, where someone loves you and will love you until their dying day. Because they promised. Because you believed. Because you would do the same for them.
Home doesn't exist anymore.
I wanna go home so bad it hurts. I just want to go home.
I love you.
What a crock.
