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i had him sign a piece of paper saying "to arianne happy 26th birthday! david sedaris"
Will not be jealous. Will. Not.
Fail.
Well. In other news, I think Uno might have been my most brilliant idea since the count the damn candy pumpkins and match them to their proper number card... game. Except he craps out around the end of the second round, even though we totally won. And then I won the third hand because I am awesome. And modest.
You should never hear what sounds like glass breaking in another room and go to investigate barefoot. Yet I do this. All. The. Time. Cuz I don't like wearing shoes when going up or down the stairs. Anyway, I make it to the kitchen and just see a knife and fork on the floor. It never occurs to me that ten seconds ago I thought something had shattered. I just assume it was the dog going after the plate Dad left on the table, pick the utensils up, and walk them to the sink. I'm halfway to the table when I step on something and mutter about dogs, cats, and whiskers. I remove the offending item and realize it's a tiny, bloody shard of glass. Well, damn. I turn around to look, and sure enough, there's a broken glass sitting in a bowl on the floor. The fuck? I get my work shoes and look down for signs of other glass shards and realize someone is bleeding all over the floor. Inconsiderate jerks, blood stains!
Then I realize it's me and I'm bleeding all over the inside of my shoe.
So. How's your day going?
Will not be jealous. Will. Not.
Fail.
Well. In other news, I think Uno might have been my most brilliant idea since the count the damn candy pumpkins and match them to their proper number card... game. Except he craps out around the end of the second round, even though we totally won. And then I won the third hand because I am awesome. And modest.
You should never hear what sounds like glass breaking in another room and go to investigate barefoot. Yet I do this. All. The. Time. Cuz I don't like wearing shoes when going up or down the stairs. Anyway, I make it to the kitchen and just see a knife and fork on the floor. It never occurs to me that ten seconds ago I thought something had shattered. I just assume it was the dog going after the plate Dad left on the table, pick the utensils up, and walk them to the sink. I'm halfway to the table when I step on something and mutter about dogs, cats, and whiskers. I remove the offending item and realize it's a tiny, bloody shard of glass. Well, damn. I turn around to look, and sure enough, there's a broken glass sitting in a bowl on the floor. The fuck? I get my work shoes and look down for signs of other glass shards and realize someone is bleeding all over the floor. Inconsiderate jerks, blood stains!
Then I realize it's me and I'm bleeding all over the inside of my shoe.
So. How's your day going?