Hey Amazon, guess what? You suck.

Grr. I ordered my brother's present from Amazon on the 15th. That gave them plenty of time to ship it out and have it be here on time, especially since they were touting their whole "Still PLENTY OF TIME FOR CHRISTMAS DELIVERY! Even with free shipping!" promise.

And then 24 hours later I caved and bought some other stuff. Because I'm weak. Whatever. Order 1 still hadn't budged, btw, but that wasn't/isn't unusual for Amazon without Prime. So I didn't think too much of it, other than cursing on day three when the price of one of the things in box one was cheaper by $2 and my orders continued to sit there until the 19th, though I swear nothing registered until the 20th.

Amazon is still saying, "Dude, it's cool. We shipped it Smartpost. It'll be there on Christmas Eve. You're fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine."

Fedex is saying, "Hey, look, we're overworked and possibly underpaid and you, you ain't gettin' shit before Friday at the fucking earliest, okay?"

So I go back to Amazon which is still saying, in the best stoner voice you can conjur up, "Duuuuuuude. You're fiiiiiiiiiiine. Smartpost, remember?"

So I look at the USPS site and it blinks at me, cocks its head to the side and says, "Eh? Oh, yeah, um, we recieved word that Fedex was gonna do... something with that. I'm kinda busy and honestly, you're probably hosed."


Meanwhile Walmart took an order the 16th and delivered bits of it all week, starting at 8am on the 17th.


Walmart just stomped your ass, Amazon. Then went back and lapped you six times all while laughing at you. Do you realize how embarrassing that is? Walmart.


I will be royally pissed if the boy's gift doesn't get here on time. ROYALLY PISSED.