(no subject)

I need an opinion because life lately has been tap dancing on my nerves and I'm fairly certain I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do, but I'd like someone else to chime in and lemme know.


So. Get added to a cousin family game night chat on FB. The eldest cousin (her brother's passed away) reminds everyone that at some point everyone had been all in for a cousin family game night and hey, we could do it online rather than waiting for hell to freeze for everyone to get together. Considering we're spread across at least *thinks* 5 states, maybe 6? Fair.

Despite the fact that I am immediately hit with the same wave of anxiety induced panic that always accompanies anything involving hanging out with other people, part of me thinks perhaps it is time to be less of a hermit and test whether I'm the black sheep or the mythical, seldom seen creature instead. I was gonna say unicorn but like, they're fab and I'm not sure anyone's out here pining away for not having seen me in eons, k? I've been feeling this way for awhile and since opportunity presented itself, I'd go for it.


As far as I can tell, everyone except *maybe* B and my brother answered with a resounding yes. B and I aren't FB friends (he's kept to himself and I don't initiate FB friend status with people generally speaking but it's not beef on my end) and the boy was out of town, plus it's possible he just did a thumbs up and I missed it in the flurry of "OMG, YES!" replies.

Everyone also starts giving options for times that work or don't work for them. I'm pretty sure that of the living cousins, I'm the only one without kids (step or otherwise) and spring means a lot of sports just kicked into high gear so I get that people have complicated schedules. I'm mentioning this as an out, because at least three people replied with caveats to their OMG, YES with notations about being swamped for like, the next month but still being interested.

At least two mentioned Sundays as being wiiiiiiiiiiiiide open for them, so I was feeling pretty hopeful when I threw out that if we did Sundays, I could actually partake because of it being my weekend night off. (graveyard shift!) And then the chat went silent. Because I can kill a conversation like no one else. yay. But when I came home this morning and checked, Eldest had sent instructions for discord and how to join and I immediately accepted because, and I cannot stress this enough, I was actually excited for this, even as the anxiety wave was building in the background.

I poked around, realized nothing had been done yet beyond bare bones, and went back to the chat where I saw this:
Then we can find a time to try it out. Sounds like a good time to try would be a Saturday at 6pm Eastern


...oh.

ok.


Uh... well, I guess that's how it is.


I didn't expect to feel like this so soon and yet here we are. I cannot tell you the number of times I've double (triple/quadruple) checked to make sure that I hadn't missed some message between mine and hers that said oh, no, Sundays are definitely out for sure. But unless her brother (B) did and since we're not friends it didn't show, uh, no. It literally goes from "Sundays means I can play too!" to "So Saturdays sound like the best option!"

I know I could just as easily say something, anything because maybe it's a typo, maybe I got lost in the shuffle somehow (fb is a bitch after all) -whatever... but I just can't bring myself to do so yet. Maybe at all.



There's some other stuff but that's about it. Oh. And uh, Eldest was my favorite so this feels extra fun.