Stupid feelings

[impy]

Had a whole thing with backstory written out before even getting to the issue. Fuck it. Not even going to form this as a question as originally intended.

My feelings are a little hurt. My brother went up to NC to visit Dad's side of the family and while there, he and one of the cousins had a joint birthday celebration. Like that was half the point of the trip. Mums casually pointed out that they frequently do this, especially if the boy won't be going up for the 4th.

When I thought he was just doing his usual trip and chancing fate on his new (to him) car, it wasn't a big deal in my head beyond a passing, "huh. I wonder what would happen if I ever called his bluff on that whole 'you're always included in the invite' thing." But realizing that they frequently do a joint celebration kind of stings.

Why, you might ask?

My brother's birthday is two days before mine. I always take off for my birthday and for the last oh, decade or so, it's been a week long thing. It's not set in stone so I could move the vacation portion, in theory. I've literally never been invited to it. Not once. Not even in passing like, "hey, maybe next year?"


But I can't say shit because this year's been extra stressful for him (see: lawsuit and Ben's death) and I do not feel like opening that can of worms.

Still.
Rude.

Comments

[cora]

Ooofff, that stings. Even worse, trying to carve out your own thing for a "half birthday" pretty much falls close to Christmas and the like.

Do you want to have contact with these people? If so, are you able to plan a different period of time off and go up for a weekend trip on your own? What about working to plan to go with the boy for next year? If this is an annual thing, never too early.

Something else to consider: How much enjoyment would you get out of a trip like this with your brother? Considering that topi can help you figure out "Am I grieving because of the family relationships I want, but don't have?" vs "Am I hurt because I am being excluded from something I would also genuinely enjoy?"

If your aesthetic is still somewhat goth-adjacent, you could aim to do a fun autumn thing (not sure if dad's side has kids or not). Hayrides/pumpkin carving/pumpkin festivals/hay mazes/apple picking/hikes/walks/autumn is a pretty fun time of year for gathering. There is enough space between your birthday and Halloween to be able to do something seasonal/fun. Depending on the financial situation for all of the parties involved, there's plenty of space between Halloween and Thanksgiving/Christmas money wise, too. It might still wind up being more of a weekend thing, but you could also make your own "These are the fun things we do with the imp" tradition :)

[impy]

Those are all good questions. I'm genuinely not sure how much contact I actually want. I think I'd enjoy at least some time with my cousins who live there, but I'm not really sure how I feel about my aunt since she's made less than zero effort to keep in touch... but she is my father's only living sibling at this point. I like that uncle... but I've also not seen any of these people in person since my dad's funeral so there's that.

I don't travel well. I know this about myself. But it is worth considering asking if Widge and I can hitch a ride next time he's doing a quick jaunt, see how that goes. Especially if it's in the autumn. *muse* Alas, no kiddos, but I do think the cousins are possibly related enough to enjoy showing off their area's fall/Halloween stuff. It's worth a think, and I appreciate it.