if you listen, listen close, you can hear when the heart stops

[impy]

one dark flame

Why does this track kick so much ass? Because it manages to blend shouting and a sing-along type lyrical fun along with the bestest music ever.

And now, the boring RL-recap:

Yester-morning, I got ahold of Cass finally. She was half asleep, but still had the self preservation skills that make her the boy's female counterpart in sooooo many ways... enough to lie and say she was asleep most of the time he was at her apartment and thus she knew nothing of any use. Which I then said bullshit and used the boy's confession to make her confess. To which I learned she was still using, though she claimed, "But after last night, I'm quitting for good this time." I ignored the obvious hint for me to ask, "what happened?" and for once continued on my train of destructive thought. And on it went. I should mention that I fucking hate it when one lie uncovers numerous others. But that's how the cookie crumbles, eh? Yeah.

So. Ammo loaded into the weapon of rage. Thing was, it's one thing to know, and another thing entirely to have it pretty much confirmed, with additional info that kicks you in the teeth. Because if you tell me something that may or may not have been meant as an insult when I'm in a funk, I will obviously take it the wrong way. Fuckity fuck.

I was mightily pissed to the point where I put the phone down for a minute and my hands were shaking. Because, honestly, I really don't want to go through that stupidity again. It's just sad when my brother, who is most likely a pathological liar [in training, if nothing else] is the one person able to tell me the truth right off the bat. It just... isn't right. If nothing else, it implies pity. Rage. Yes. So Cass offers to call. And I don't know if I want her to. Because it seems childish, but I don't really want to call him up, pay for it, and ask, "So, you been lying to me about something lately?" I'm never direct enough when I need to be. I had a chance Monday to ask him and I couldn't. Soooooooo... she does. Because I can't. And she was betting heavily on him trying to lie his way out of a lie, and she knows first hand just how stupid that can be.

And then he calls. And he knows he's been busted. But we dance around it for a second because I'm nothing if not kind... or is that cruel? But a lie of omission isn't so much flat out lying, so, yeah. Weird. Then there's "busted, eh?" and the "why lie?" followed by a "well, why'd you think I'd be mad about it?" [Because I'm an uptight wench was not the answer, but bonus points if someone else thought it. :p I am, or at least recovering from it] To which he got the right answer. Because he'd told me he quit and... then he neglected to tell me he'd quit quitting. [yes, I butcher the language]

So, after a run to change phones, and some yelling [because he's deaf and I'm extremely soft spoken, not because I was mad at him, I'd calmed down then] I mention that if he'd told me the truth, I might have been slightly annoyed, but not ready to kill him. And he seemed to have master the art of, "...well, now I went and fucked things up for no reason. Crap."

Sigh. I'm no longer massively pissed, although I'm still not exactly happy. The only smart thing an ex of mine ever said was this, "If you'd lie about something stupid like that, what else would you lie about?" This was ironic in retrospect because he had a habit of lying to me and anyone else he could, but... true enough on that front.

But I will not dwell. Because Ryan shall write first and I'll kill him if I catch him in another lie. I'll deal with the fact that I do not function well without contact with him [at least as a friend] when and if the time comes.

Currently reading doing it by melvin burgess while I wait for the library to give me my damn David Sedaris books. Tomorrow is payday. I can rejoice and put a fourth of it in my savings account. Yay!

I need sleep and soon. Sorry to bore those who read and want entertainment. So, for that, I'll offer this:

I nearly died the other night. Some fools drove by the gas station and while people were pumping gas, they through fireworks/firecrackers at the customers, driving away before anyone could register what the fuzzy was going on. Had the gas station gone up, I'd be toast. Thus, NDE.

All the colors upon leaving all will turn to grey


^-- just joined. Yeow.

Comments

[mystalkershrine.livejournal.com]

Poor Impa :( I <3 <3 <3 you!!