Writing. Look away.
Sep. 15th, 2004 10:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impybased on a true story, only the facts have changed
A few feet away the ocean roars and crashes onto the sandy beach, sending three pale children running from the icy water. Despite the heat, the water's still too cold for anyone to swim. Of course that's to be expected in late March, but they weren't thinking about that. They were just trying to outrun the ocean and failing, but having a fun time anyway.
To their left a little boy holds out a half eaten sandwich to a flock of seagulls who then proceed to bully him out of his second untouched sandwich.
Any other couple, even in the midst of a fight, would have laughed. The look on the boy's face? Priceless. The seagulls are merciless and the boy's mother fusses at him before handing him a soda and telling him to stay close before the birds carry him away or ate him.
Instead they stare out into the ocean, the silence between them stretching for miles. They haven't said a word since he'd asked if the beach was even open this time of year.
The breeze carries a light spray of saltwater their way, and the scent of coconut sunscreen lingers in the air. It really should have been perfect. Even though they're both dressed entirely in black the sun has yet to make either of them sweat. No, their discomfort comes from standing next to one another without anyone else to distract them.
"So. You really love her, huh?" she says, finally breaking the hour long silence.
"What?" He turns to stare at her, his brown eyes wide with surprise.
"Her. Your ex. She who shall not be named. The one you've been thinking about this whole weekend." Amazingly her voice doesn't crack when she speaks. Her heart, yes. Her voice, no.
"I don't know what you're-"
"Lydia told me what was supposed to happen this weekend. You were supposed to get married until she dumped you. You trashed your apartment. Gutted it, I think was the phrase she used. Then you came here, acting like everything is peachy keen. Until today. Until we got here. You're thinking about her. You're thinking about what should have been. But you're not thinking about, or talking to, me. Us. Because there isn't an us, right? Since you're still in love with her, I mean. There can't be an us." The words tumble out, one right after the other until they seem to float in the air between them.
His eyes change colors until they're nearly black and he looks away. "She told you about that." It's not a question and he doesn't sound happy.
She doesn't really give a damn. "She did. Were you going to dump me today, or were you going to wait until you got home?"
"I wasn't... I didn't..." He shrugs helplessly. "I just..." He can't form the words. He knows he doesn't want her, not the way he made her think he did. The way he thought he did.
She turns away before she feels the need to comfort him. He lied to her for three months, longer actually. Everything he put her through? All because he was still hung up on his ex. Part of her wants to point out that if the ex still wanted him, she'd have claimed him by now. Shown any sort of interest in his life. Part of her wants to walk into the ocean and let the ice water drag her down until she can't feel her insides shatter. And the biggest part of her wants to tell him everything will be fine, that everything is fine. To make him feel better. It doesn't help that he is perhaps the most gorgeous person she's ever seen and that anytime she looks at him her heart flips and lurches painfully. She could happily spend the rest of her life just looking at him, she thinks sadly. But that's all she'd ever get to do. He doesn't want her. He never did, he never would, and who would blame him? a tiny voice in her head points out.
"So." She can't think of anything to say. She won't comfort him. She won't attack him. She refuses to guilt him.
"Should we go? Do you have to get back?" he asks quietly, risking a quick glance at her.
She pushes her glasses back to where they belong on her nose. "Nope. Nothing planned. Besides, it's the first time you've seen the ocean. We can leave in a bit."
In her head she erases all the times he's said I love you from her memory, and erases all the times she believed him.
She tries to anyway.
A few feet away the ocean roars and crashes onto the sandy beach, sending three pale children running from the icy water. Despite the heat, the water's still too cold for anyone to swim. Of course that's to be expected in late March, but they weren't thinking about that. They were just trying to outrun the ocean and failing, but having a fun time anyway.
To their left a little boy holds out a half eaten sandwich to a flock of seagulls who then proceed to bully him out of his second untouched sandwich.
Any other couple, even in the midst of a fight, would have laughed. The look on the boy's face? Priceless. The seagulls are merciless and the boy's mother fusses at him before handing him a soda and telling him to stay close before the birds carry him away or ate him.
Instead they stare out into the ocean, the silence between them stretching for miles. They haven't said a word since he'd asked if the beach was even open this time of year.
The breeze carries a light spray of saltwater their way, and the scent of coconut sunscreen lingers in the air. It really should have been perfect. Even though they're both dressed entirely in black the sun has yet to make either of them sweat. No, their discomfort comes from standing next to one another without anyone else to distract them.
"So. You really love her, huh?" she says, finally breaking the hour long silence.
"What?" He turns to stare at her, his brown eyes wide with surprise.
"Her. Your ex. She who shall not be named. The one you've been thinking about this whole weekend." Amazingly her voice doesn't crack when she speaks. Her heart, yes. Her voice, no.
"I don't know what you're-"
"Lydia told me what was supposed to happen this weekend. You were supposed to get married until she dumped you. You trashed your apartment. Gutted it, I think was the phrase she used. Then you came here, acting like everything is peachy keen. Until today. Until we got here. You're thinking about her. You're thinking about what should have been. But you're not thinking about, or talking to, me. Us. Because there isn't an us, right? Since you're still in love with her, I mean. There can't be an us." The words tumble out, one right after the other until they seem to float in the air between them.
His eyes change colors until they're nearly black and he looks away. "She told you about that." It's not a question and he doesn't sound happy.
She doesn't really give a damn. "She did. Were you going to dump me today, or were you going to wait until you got home?"
"I wasn't... I didn't..." He shrugs helplessly. "I just..." He can't form the words. He knows he doesn't want her, not the way he made her think he did. The way he thought he did.
She turns away before she feels the need to comfort him. He lied to her for three months, longer actually. Everything he put her through? All because he was still hung up on his ex. Part of her wants to point out that if the ex still wanted him, she'd have claimed him by now. Shown any sort of interest in his life. Part of her wants to walk into the ocean and let the ice water drag her down until she can't feel her insides shatter. And the biggest part of her wants to tell him everything will be fine, that everything is fine. To make him feel better. It doesn't help that he is perhaps the most gorgeous person she's ever seen and that anytime she looks at him her heart flips and lurches painfully. She could happily spend the rest of her life just looking at him, she thinks sadly. But that's all she'd ever get to do. He doesn't want her. He never did, he never would, and who would blame him? a tiny voice in her head points out.
"So." She can't think of anything to say. She won't comfort him. She won't attack him. She refuses to guilt him.
"Should we go? Do you have to get back?" he asks quietly, risking a quick glance at her.
She pushes her glasses back to where they belong on her nose. "Nope. Nothing planned. Besides, it's the first time you've seen the ocean. We can leave in a bit."
In her head she erases all the times he's said I love you from her memory, and erases all the times she believed him.
She tries to anyway.
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thank you.
*assembles pieces and works on Heidi's letter*