Thigh highs, darling. They're called thigh highs.

So, I had the most unusual customer so far. And he was all mine. Which sounds kinky, but no. Well, not for me anyway. For this dude, later definitely promised to be...

First the set up. I was killing my hands with the Goo Gone crap in the hair care section. I was also eyeing stuff in case I felt like blowing some cash this morning. Anyway, this guy comes walking towards me, and I figure he's heading for the dude haircare section and I try to move out of his way. But no, he asks, very softly, if he can ask a sort of embarrassing question. It's after 3:30 am by now, but I always say yes to that kind of question, so I say sure. He asks if we have any fishnet-like pantyhose that come up to *here* and gestures towards mid thigh. Where I notice he's got on white see through-ish shorts. And flowery underwear. I say probably not to the fishnet, but there's a chance and then I lead him to the next aisle and try to find the thigh highs for 'im so he can at least look for other colors/brands now that he has a name. He kind of pouts when I can only find flesh colored and black thigh highs, because he wanted white. He then asks which of the colors we did have would look best with his outfit. Which is when I notice he's got on this silky white top that was not the tank top I assumed it was upon seeing him. :p I'm ever so quick on the draw, I know.

So I continue to hunt for white hose as he explains, with very little prodding [though I did ask why he was dressed up if he didn't want to be] that his girlfriend is a dominatrix type. His words, not mine. I nod and let it go. But after I find the white hose and he asks about what size and what size he might wear in women's underwear [no, I haven't turned sixteen shades of red yet or laughed my arse off] he then explains that his girlfriend has some dude on the side and that he's not really bothered since he knows why she does. He then gives me a description of his shortcomings and why he probably wouldn't need too much room up front in the underwear department. Dude, I don't want to know how big you are. :p It was weird enough having to ask his height and weight to figure out where he landed in the pantyhose department. Still did not laugh. Had to tell him all the bras were black or white. Alas, no helping him find his size. But he then asked for help finding slutty lipstick. So I did my duty there, man.

And then I was kind enough to ring him up at cosmetics so the dudes at the front of the store wouldn't possibly kick his ass. He then went to the bathroom to put the hose and mebbe lipstick on. Not sure since I only saw him from behind when he was leaving. He nearly ran over the boss on his way to the bathroom though, and she and Kathleen were both very interested in why he was dressed that way and seeing him all transformed. I felt sort of bad that they missed it, but not so bad since they were both kind of freaked out.

Tis just a dude in see through shorts trying to buy himself a makeshift girlie girl outfit so his girlfriend's other boyfriend can violate him. What's so weird about that?

*resumes sending clone messages out and wishing there was a Sonic closer*