hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

Was going to fill out surveys. Didn't. Was going to do a lot of things. Didn't. I suspect I'm either overworked [day 6 was going swimingly until the last fucking hour.] or about to fall long and hard down the sanity stairwell.

Melodrama? Moi? Perish the thought, dahling. I'm just not feeling all that wonderful lately. Kay, so nearly crying at work two nights out of three is probably a little weird, but enh. Shit happens. I guess.

I feel blah. I've been feeling blah at best a lot lately.

I think I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop as it were. See, C-ass called the other night and was on her way to being sloshed. [Why? Because her handfasting anniversary was coming up and since they weren't renewing their... whatever, it was as good as saying "i don't want to be with you forever and ever, amen"... to which I say "were you not paying attention the last five months?"] She's blathering on about something and lets it slip that she used to drink at her last job. Now I'm sure working in the mall would drive anyone to drink, but that shit ain't cool when you're management... and I've had to defend your sorry ass against that very rumor. Only at the time I was convinced she wouldn't have been so stupid.

So now I look like a jackass. Again. sigh.

Which then got me thinking about how she always does shit like that. Omits certain truths [or flat out lies to me] and then six months to a year later, she'll basically throw it in my face that she did just that. Sometimes she doesn't even wait the six months. So with this all brewing in my brain, I thought back to her last big "ha! got you!" and that was the aforementioned handfasting. Which still hurts if I think about it too much. For a variety of reasons. I'm not even sure how exactly she managed to sweet talk her way out of the rage that ensued. I'm not sure I remember anything other than being so incredibly pissed off and hurt and just emotionally raw the whole friggin' week.

I like how my memory says "fuck you" to certain things. I don't like how it clings to damn near every instance of me looking like a giant dumbass. And for the last two weeks or so it's been clinging to the Handfasting from Hades in a way that could drive me bonkers. I understand part of it is timing. One year. Easy to understand that. Part the second is that it's the last time she pulled her patented C-ass moves and I got upset about it.

And then there's the Ryan factor. In all the time the phone's been back, he hasn't called [that I know of], and while I know I could call him... I'm still pissed that he never did write me even a postcard.

I'm tired. I can't wait until I get off work tomorrow.

I want fluff, and I need something fluffy to take my mind off the anti-fluff.