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at this moment you mean everything
Mar. 6th, 2006 01:37 amSo, not so hypothetical question:
Person C goes out of their way to spend other people's birthdays with them, to the point of stalking them so they can see 'em for said celebration. Person C does not do the same for you. Do you feel insulted, despite the fact that you know it was months ago and dude, if that's how they wanna play it...?
Answer: I do. Totally with the irrational thoughts and feelings, but each birthday mention drives home the fact that even when I tried to get ahold of person C there, I got voice mail. I think I'd be happier if I just didn't realize it was totally irrational. :p
I'm tired. I'm just really tired all of a sudden. No, scratch that. I'm tired of getting my hopes up on some unreleastic plan, and having things come crashing down before I'm allowed to move from "maybe" to "maybe not exactly." Couldn't I get to dream a little longer before reality comes knocking? I'd actually like to see my boyfriend once a year, y'know? And while the year is nowhere near over, I'm not gonna hold my breath. I had a plan, and yeah, I hadn't checked it with him, but I was trying. But it's been impossible to get ahold of him for much of the month of February. And I'm lazy. I take half responsibility for it. I do.
So I have a plan. A good plan. A sort of solid plan that could possibly work for later in the year, I imagine, but was being planned for soonish [as in within three months] and what do I get seconds before I can offer to pay his way here, giving him free reign of picking the date so he can get traveling cash or whatever? What do I get?
I get kicked in the shins. It's not fair to feel this way, because he didn't know... but the plan. And I'm not even ranting in a witty sort of way, so I get no solace in that. What do I get? This horrible empty feeling continues, only first I have to burn through irrational rage and annoyance and a whole bunch of other unfun feelings.
The plan? Very simple. Assuming I ever got my money, pay for him to visit sometime soon before I go crazy and get fired from work for reaching across the counter and strangling some stoner/drunk/annoying person in the morning who feels it's their job in life to be a complete bitch to anyone taking their money. In English: Figure out a week to take off from work, have him appear after I pay for it, and then ignore reality for a week. Perfect plan.
The reality? Someone is temporarily moving to Texas. Possibly. And while I cheer for the thought of him making some money and doing something, as he wants to... It doesn't mean I don't feel like pouting, screaming, and mentally pointing out that he can't keep in touch when he's at home. Why would him moving to another state and doing manual labor change this for the better?
Bah.
In other news, my dinner was fucked up, so I'm kind of hungry. As in, pretty damn hungry, but is there anything to eat? Well, yes, actually, but I'm tired and want someone around to do it for me. The Oscars were a snore.
Yeah.
Person C goes out of their way to spend other people's birthdays with them, to the point of stalking them so they can see 'em for said celebration. Person C does not do the same for you. Do you feel insulted, despite the fact that you know it was months ago and dude, if that's how they wanna play it...?
Answer: I do. Totally with the irrational thoughts and feelings, but each birthday mention drives home the fact that even when I tried to get ahold of person C there, I got voice mail. I think I'd be happier if I just didn't realize it was totally irrational. :p
I'm tired. I'm just really tired all of a sudden. No, scratch that. I'm tired of getting my hopes up on some unreleastic plan, and having things come crashing down before I'm allowed to move from "maybe" to "maybe not exactly." Couldn't I get to dream a little longer before reality comes knocking? I'd actually like to see my boyfriend once a year, y'know? And while the year is nowhere near over, I'm not gonna hold my breath. I had a plan, and yeah, I hadn't checked it with him, but I was trying. But it's been impossible to get ahold of him for much of the month of February. And I'm lazy. I take half responsibility for it. I do.
So I have a plan. A good plan. A sort of solid plan that could possibly work for later in the year, I imagine, but was being planned for soonish [as in within three months] and what do I get seconds before I can offer to pay his way here, giving him free reign of picking the date so he can get traveling cash or whatever? What do I get?
I get kicked in the shins. It's not fair to feel this way, because he didn't know... but the plan. And I'm not even ranting in a witty sort of way, so I get no solace in that. What do I get? This horrible empty feeling continues, only first I have to burn through irrational rage and annoyance and a whole bunch of other unfun feelings.
The plan? Very simple. Assuming I ever got my money, pay for him to visit sometime soon before I go crazy and get fired from work for reaching across the counter and strangling some stoner/drunk/annoying person in the morning who feels it's their job in life to be a complete bitch to anyone taking their money. In English: Figure out a week to take off from work, have him appear after I pay for it, and then ignore reality for a week. Perfect plan.
The reality? Someone is temporarily moving to Texas. Possibly. And while I cheer for the thought of him making some money and doing something, as he wants to... It doesn't mean I don't feel like pouting, screaming, and mentally pointing out that he can't keep in touch when he's at home. Why would him moving to another state and doing manual labor change this for the better?
Bah.
In other news, my dinner was fucked up, so I'm kind of hungry. As in, pretty damn hungry, but is there anything to eat? Well, yes, actually, but I'm tired and want someone around to do it for me. The Oscars were a snore.
Yeah.
