All of these things annoy me

As I sit here muttering to myself, my mother is bailing the boy out of jail. Fabulous.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

I'm not sure why exactly this bugs me so much, but it does. I'm not saying I want him in jail, but maybe he'd have learned something considering the whole thing could have been avoided if he'd just fucking grown up already. Taken baby steps towards growing up. Perhaps I resent the fact that it's the holiday season and I go to work five nights a week and worry each time that something awful is going to happen, and he gets a free pass. Yeah, there's talk of him paying them back, but honestly? Unless he had the worst weekend known to man, he won't. I'll believe it when I see it, I guess.

The one thing I figured would pull me out of my funk isn't gonna happen today. My backup plan fell by the wayside when the boy's errand was put on the schedule.
  Does UPS cease to function over the weekend? I never really paid attention, but it's vexing when you spring for the two day shipping and you find out your stuff spent the weekend in one place. Doing nothing. Perhaps making friends. I dunno. But it'll show up tomorrow after being shipped out Friday.

Which isn't all that fucking helpful since I have to work tomorrow and the boy will be here and the world will go back to revolving totally around him. Only, wait, it still revolved around him all weekend! So what was the difference other than he wasn't here?

Oh, it was just that.

In a move obviously meant to mock me, Cassandra's gift, which shipped the same day, if not a day later, than my DVD? It showed up this morning. WTF?

Picked up my dress today. Fabulous to be pretty much shoved out the door. Gee, thanks. I feel the love now. My mother stares at the dress [not that I tried it on then, which I would have thought would make sense, but no one asked me] and says, "I thought it was longer."

You know the moment in a cartoon when a character clenches their jaw so much something snaps? That was me. When Penny finally got her dress, I mentioned that great, I'd be the only one with a knee length dress. JOY. Then Cass has to get another one, and I mention it again when it comes to pass that once more I will be the standout in all the ways I'd really rather not. So why, oh why, was this a surprise? But I said nothing. I did not grind my teeth into dust.

Not even when she brought it up again, after we paid the boy's huge-ass littering fine.

Let me count the ways I will stand out in this wedding party, as of now:
- The other two bridesmaids will have ankle or floor length dresses. Mine hits just below my knee. Fab.
- Their jackets/wraps aren't frickin' see through. Oi.
- Even if I wore flats, which'll never happen, I'm a good four inches taller than the rest of the girls, and I think about even with one of the groomsmen.
- While I'm pretty content with my breasts, comparatively speaking, I will look positively flat. Seriously.

I had a whole list, but I'm too wired to remember anything else.

I did find out last night that Dane Cook really isn't funny. I vaguely remember his appearance at one of the MTV things one year and realizing I laughed all of once during it, but figured I was just in a foul mood that night. Then he somehow hit it huuuuuuuge and you can't go two seconds without reading something about how much he sucks. I figured it wasn't that bad.

No. It totally is. I was about to pass out last night when I landed on HBO and his special was on. I remembered all the articles and thought I'd check it out and see if it was possibly that bad. Cuz even the worst comic on Comedy Central gets a few chuckles from me.
  Um... the funniest thing about the half an hour I gave to him was his pantomiming trying to put his drink in the holder at the movies. That? Good. His inability to finish a joke before racing on to another one he won't finish? Annoying. The fact that it's pretty much unfunny the whole time? Also annoying. It's like it should have been funny, and the audience was laughing, but ... group mentality makes things that aren't funny seem hi-lar-ious. He had something that should have been funny, and then it didn't go anywhere. It's like seeing two people, one of them holding a cream pie, and you're just waiting for the other one to get splatted in the face, and it never happens.

And then it ended and I was just wondering how the HELL anyone found him funny. Or, after listening to any of his jokes, he managed to get a girlfriend. Ever. Cuz, uh, no? God, no.

I need to go break stuff.