bother

And now, if I may, a moment of melancholy wistfulness. Nothing to be alarmed about just one of those things. When some people think of being in Love, capitalization is always important in these cases, they're more consumed with the power and passion and excitement. Which is cool. I have those moments myself. Others are a little less worried about the person and the passion and are really just looking forward to Lead #2 in the story of their Wedding of Doom. A little less cool because it's one day that'll be a blur, but still, your choice in how you see the world, I guess. And then some people just want someone to grow old with. This one kind of fascinates me as I don't have a model for that, at least not exactly. When I think old, I think like grandparents [and I'm ignoring the fact that my parents ARE grandparents because, yeah] and neither of my sets had a partner, or at least not one that I would count. My grandfather was married, but he spent six months apart from his wife and when he was sick, she was nowhere to be found. I think she visited once while I was growing up. Maybe twice, as maybe she did appear when I was too young to really remember much. My grandmother never remarried, and if she ever dated anyone, I never knew about it/saw it.

The majority of my friends who did have their grandparents local and actively involved in their lives? Yeah, usually grandmothers who were either divorced or widowed. And those girls were actually either raised by their grandmothers or they were the sanest person in their lives.

So occasionally I'll see some comment, or come across something, or hear from my aunt and uncle, and think that most of all, that's what I want. Someone to support my geekitude when i'm older and someone to do the same for. Not ready to completely gloss over all the things that come first in my mental pictures, but still.

I wish there were a way to flip through ebay and tick off various listings and thus never, ever have to see the item again. I want the do not want-ever! feature. Even if I had to revisit these options every six months or so, it would save me a ton of aggravation during searches that I make fairly regularly [more than three times a year.] No. I do not want your ugly-ass knockoff of whatever I'm really searching for. No, I do not want your item that you've marked up to painfully inflated prices. Not now, not EVER.

Things I do not like, an ongoing list: Taking a shower and noticing a dark splotch moving closer towards me and realizing that bug that hadn't moved for the last SIX hours was not dead [I take back my thank you, spider!] and was, in fact, alive and making a move towards me. I had to throw my only towel [that was upstairs and clean] at the damn thing to keep it from dropping in on me in zee shower. That is most uncool. It doesn't help that I'm pretty much blind without my glasses, so yay me for making the shot.

I'm having one of those crawl out of your skin days. Not in an awful way, but wanting something and not knowing what. Is it simply that I'm hungry? Do I want a hug? A good, stiff drink and a good book? A shiny something or other? I don't know.

Grr. Argh.