that for me it isn't over

Quickie before I see if Mums wanted to watch an episode of Quantum Leap before I pass out.

  How did you spend your night?

   I spent mine counting cigarettes with someone who reminds me painfully of my most significant ex. I'm sure quite a bit of it was in my head, but it was an awful lot like being around a dialed down version of him and I won't lie. By the end of my night, I was more than ready to go home and I just hurt.

Kind of stupid, given the time lapse and all, but hey. Thems the breaks, yeah? I figure I might as well cop to it rather than pretend it's not still true.*


* Also, being stopped by one of my least favorite customers to be told her father died didn't help. I feel bad enough that when I see her, I want to run in the other direction, but now I feel even worse and, well. The obvious.

Oh, and it sucks when you get to the point where you realize the whole breakup thing was for the best, not just because obviously the other person could live quite well without you, but also because you've realized that you deserved more, wanted something else, weren't as happy as hindsight pretends you were and you still miss them. Plus, y'know, that whole not getting a chance to officially tell them how much they suck or formally lodge a complaint or say anything at all keeps you in limbo. One shouldn't be able to use logic and still feel like this.

So. We roll with the punches and we OD on Gymnasts books courtesy of luxken27. That's right. THANK YOU.