Never again...
Jul. 18th, 2005 10:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impy..I suspect quite strongly at this moment in time that the meat used for my breakfast was on the wrong side of right.
Here's hoping I'm just a big ol' baby.
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I don't really speak to half [actually much more than half, but that's for a variety of reasons really] of my mother's family. Two sisters, the only cousins on that side, and a few other people. It's weird because my mom had 4 sisters. One died well before I was born [about a decade], and one is more than a bit older than my mom. On the other hand, Mom's number four of five, so I guess it wouldn't take quite all that much. Anyway. She also used to live fairly far away and we didn't see her often. So she was the aunt who sends you stuff in March for Christmas of last year, and somewhere in September your birthday card might show up through no fault of your postman.
Meanwhile Dad's family mostly lived in Maryland, so we saw them for a week in the summer, leaving my brother and I to grow up with two of mom's sisters and their daughters. Which might have sucked for the boy, but had it's moments of fantastic for me. There will be no glossing over of things and painting them all fantastic. They weren't. My older [by, what, four months?] cousin could grate on my nerves something awful, and my younger cousin was spoiled beyond belief. I still have the most vivid memory of going to her apartment and seeing her box of toys and realizing 90% of them were ones I wanted and she'd ruined them totally and completely... And they bought her more. Dude.
Anyway. Sometime around the time middle school kicked [my ass] in, one aunt stopped talking to us completely. The other kind of shut things off slowly, and then bam. No contact either. I might point out that neither of these were my mom's favorite sisters, but... You know, when you've got three living ones, you can afford to be picky.
Bah. Where was I? Oh yeah. One Aunt snapped and the other decided to stick by her. Very messy. Without me really getting why because no one would tell me why. The why was later told to me by my older cousin as she tried to ferret out whether we knew and were just saying it was cool or whether we had no idea. The option was actually number three for mom. Which is that she'd heard the rumour of Crazy McCrazy and said fuckit, untrue, go to hell.
And thus I was reduced to foolishly hoping to make it to state finals to see said older cousin and writing to her and then... nothing. Nada. And I'm being very vague, but it's weird when you're growing up with someone and then, just when life gets really fucking shitty, the one person you figure would have the balls to tell life to go fuck off isn't there. So you can't talk about them because it'll piss people off or they don't get it, and then you just kind of try and forget.
Only, I wonder, sometimes. Would I know either of them if I ran into them on the street/in the store? Would I know, just by looking, who they were? Would it make a bit of difference? Because it's not so much that I imagine them in my life now or in the future, as I don't. I just wonder how things would have been different if they had been.
I also wonder if what little my brother's crackhead friends passed along is true... And then I think if they know them, how fucked up do their mothers have to be to think those guys are better than we are? Oi.
And that concludes our tour through intentionally vague-ville.
You know what I need, besides another paid week off from work? A my chemical romance themed Pullip. I so do. Someone get cracking on that, would you? Thanks.
Off to read Harry Potter and wait ever so patiently for Serpent. And also hope that the whole food thing isn't an issue.
at the end of the world or the last thing I see, you are never coming home...
Here's hoping I'm just a big ol' baby.
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I don't really speak to half [actually much more than half, but that's for a variety of reasons really] of my mother's family. Two sisters, the only cousins on that side, and a few other people. It's weird because my mom had 4 sisters. One died well before I was born [about a decade], and one is more than a bit older than my mom. On the other hand, Mom's number four of five, so I guess it wouldn't take quite all that much. Anyway. She also used to live fairly far away and we didn't see her often. So she was the aunt who sends you stuff in March for Christmas of last year, and somewhere in September your birthday card might show up through no fault of your postman.
Meanwhile Dad's family mostly lived in Maryland, so we saw them for a week in the summer, leaving my brother and I to grow up with two of mom's sisters and their daughters. Which might have sucked for the boy, but had it's moments of fantastic for me. There will be no glossing over of things and painting them all fantastic. They weren't. My older [by, what, four months?] cousin could grate on my nerves something awful, and my younger cousin was spoiled beyond belief. I still have the most vivid memory of going to her apartment and seeing her box of toys and realizing 90% of them were ones I wanted and she'd ruined them totally and completely... And they bought her more. Dude.
Anyway. Sometime around the time middle school kicked [my ass] in, one aunt stopped talking to us completely. The other kind of shut things off slowly, and then bam. No contact either. I might point out that neither of these were my mom's favorite sisters, but... You know, when you've got three living ones, you can afford to be picky.
Bah. Where was I? Oh yeah. One Aunt snapped and the other decided to stick by her. Very messy. Without me really getting why because no one would tell me why. The why was later told to me by my older cousin as she tried to ferret out whether we knew and were just saying it was cool or whether we had no idea. The option was actually number three for mom. Which is that she'd heard the rumour of Crazy McCrazy and said fuckit, untrue, go to hell.
And thus I was reduced to foolishly hoping to make it to state finals to see said older cousin and writing to her and then... nothing. Nada. And I'm being very vague, but it's weird when you're growing up with someone and then, just when life gets really fucking shitty, the one person you figure would have the balls to tell life to go fuck off isn't there. So you can't talk about them because it'll piss people off or they don't get it, and then you just kind of try and forget.
Only, I wonder, sometimes. Would I know either of them if I ran into them on the street/in the store? Would I know, just by looking, who they were? Would it make a bit of difference? Because it's not so much that I imagine them in my life now or in the future, as I don't. I just wonder how things would have been different if they had been.
I also wonder if what little my brother's crackhead friends passed along is true... And then I think if they know them, how fucked up do their mothers have to be to think those guys are better than we are? Oi.
And that concludes our tour through intentionally vague-ville.
You know what I need, besides another paid week off from work? A my chemical romance themed Pullip. I so do. Someone get cracking on that, would you? Thanks.
Off to read Harry Potter and wait ever so patiently for Serpent. And also hope that the whole food thing isn't an issue.
at the end of the world or the last thing I see, you are never coming home...
