impy | My brother's a bitch.

It's not paranoia if someone is out to get you, yes? *muse* I wonder if Mumsy tells the princess all the bitchy things I say about him, or whether she just tells me. I'm not sure which is better, though I could understand the former better. You can only take so much before you just start ranting. If it's the latter, then I might just strangle someone.

But enough with the vague. Let's start with the least vexing and move onto the WTF moment of the day. After dropping the WTF moment [we'll circle around and pick that one up, I promise] and spending much of the day out shopping, I came downstairs quite ticked off because SOMEONE threw a bitchfit when it took more than two seconds for the computer to stop trying to connect to a frickin' phoneline. "I'm on the phone!" No shit, bitch! [The bitch would be my brother. Sorry for any confusion] Just so we're clear, I'm in a piss poor mood, kay? I resist the urge to stomp down the stairs, because I'm not thirteen and I'm all mature and whatnot, and I end up in the living room for some reason. I think I was seriously debating unplugging my phone and seeing how long it took for him to kill me, when I must have made some crack about having the boy adopted. And Mom says something along the lines of him also bitching about me, and how I never do anything around here and I damn near killed someone.

I do nothing? Nothing? Hello jobs the boy wouldn't do because he considers them too dangerous? Hello phone he's talking on that I got at work? Nyargh. So I bite my tongue in a non literal way and stomp off to do the dishes I don't particularly want to do anymore, but will do because I was going to do them before he went and pissed me off so severely the second time.

Now we circle back for the first. Sometime around noon, I was tired of waiting to go on my book expedition. Stuff to buy, you know? So I toddle downstairs and Mom says something. You'd think I'd note the opening words of such conversations so I could run screaming, but no. I just don't expect 'em. No one expects... well, you get the idea.
So she's blathering on about the boy thinking I'm weird and odd, and how that's kind of rich considering his definition of what's normal [*coughDEADBEATDADcough*] and then it hits me. Right between the eyes.
Apparently this is lesbian dolly porn. o_O What the blue fuckity fuck? See, there was enough of a lead up that I figured it was going to be about the dolly pictures, and I'll grant that it's a bit odd. But not worth that much build up and uses of the word "weird" or "odd" or anything. For some stupid reason I feel the need to set the record straight [no puns intended] and I still get the long song and dance of what feels like my mother trying to find out if I'm gay, but also trying to say she'd be okay with it, and yet still knowing full well that she totally wouldn't, but gosh oh golly, isn't it weird? Odd?

*headdesk* I don't know what bothers me more. That he said it, or that she felt the need to repeat it. I know the boy's homophobic. It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. But it would be nice to not have the annual you're weird and fat and gay and you should just die conversation.

Onto more fun stuff. Not dolly porn, unfortunately.

And now for something completely different.

P.o.m.f. Pinky: How much am I getting paid for this, anyway? Oh, yeah. Nothing. Keep that in mind when you whine about how badly this turns out.

PPi: So, it was a dark and stormy-
Nameless: Actually, it's rather nice out today.
PPi: Did I ask you?
Nameless: I don't think so...
PPi: Exactly. So, as I was saying. It was a dark and stormy afternoon and how was Mr. Tall, not so dark, and yet kind of dreamy spending it? Reading his girlfriend's magazine. What a risk taker! What a daredevil! What a bore.
Nameless: Huh, I wonder what someone would look like in a straightjacket?
PPi: Fabulous, actually. Anyway, stop talking to me. You're ruining the suspense.

PPi: So, Nameless there is getting his geek on when suddenly!

?: Guess who?
Nameless: Hold on a sec, would you? This is really...
?: Nyaaaaargh!

Nameless: Oh alright, if you insist.

PPi: And with a flick of his wrist...

?: Aaaaaaack!
Nameless: Are you happy now?
?: If you'd hold still for a second, I could show you just how happy I am by kicking you in the head, you big jerk!

Nameless: I'm sure you would, shortstuff. I missed you, Ains!
Ainsley: If my arms were just a little bit longer, I could strangle you nice and proper.
Nameless: So you did miss me!
Ainsley: Of course I did. But I wouldn't have had to miss you if you hadn't gone time tripping without me.
Nameless: Actually it was time and space, not to mention dimensions-
Ainsley: The point is still the same. You left. Without me.
Nameless: So the group hug is on hold, eh?
Ains: I didn't say that.

PPi: So a little time passes while the two banter back and forth. Feh. So boring, I nearly fell off my perch.

Nameless: So what took you so long, sis?
Ainsley: Well if someone hadn't hidden his teleportion device, maybe I wouldn't have had to spend months looking for it.
Nameless: I had to, kiddo. What if Dad found it? Or worse yet, Mom?
Ainsley: Yeah, well, it took some time. I didn't even know you'd left me one, actually. So I was just trashing your room. Figured you wouldn't be back any time soon.
Nameless: I am sorry about that, Ains.
Ainsley: Sure, sure. I know. So. Did you find them?
Nameless: Them?
Ainsley: You did. She still seeing-
Nameless: Yup.
Ainsley: That's too bad.