Just for a second
Feb. 11th, 2009 01:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impySo, I caved and watched Alice Upside Down where I miraculously didn't snicker anytime Alyson Stoner's name was mentioned or appeared on screen. Well, fine. I laughed on the inside. But that's all.
Anyway, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it, truthfully. I was pretty much right when I thought I'd like Lester best [cuz, duh] and that Alice, by virtue of being Alice, would be a hit or miss depending. And she was. In fact, despite the fact that it screamed "I has no budget!" it would have been perfectly cute, although not as good as the books [again with the duh] if not for the fantasy sequences. Sure. She's a sixth grader. But cut her some slack. I'm sure I would die a thousand deaths if I could remember some of my sixth grade fantasies, but at least I tried not to make them lame as they were happening. What's their excuse? :P
I'm lazy and avoiding things and people and it's just what I do this time of year. Also, did I mention I'm tired? I really don't think I did. Well, I am.
Huh. Can someone explain how I ended up joining the Waldsen army? I guess I needed a backup for the Chuck/Blair. Still, it's a bit odd since I think Serena's vapid on the best of days... *muse*
There are no stars out tonight. No moon overhead. Just a dark expanse of sky lit by the occasional flash of lightning. When the thunder begins to rumble in the distance, I'm torn between wanting to go inside where it's safe, where the storm will pass us by, and wanting to stay right here, hand inching ever closer to yours, heart pounding as I wait to see if this is all in my head. The moment we leave this place my moment will be lost. We will never end up here again, not like this.
I tell myself I'll be fine if this is all we are. If you're just my best friend, the only person to get me when I'm going half out of my mind, and the only person who would think to call me in the middle of the night when your world has just blown apart. I'll be fine living with less than half of what I want, just so long as I get that particular half.
I know I'm lying as I whisper the words in my head. It doesn't count as a lie if you know it is one as you make the promise to yourself, right? They're just words.
A flash of light. My heart pounds in the silence before the thunder roars through the night. I hold my breath. Did your hand just touch mine? Did you mean it? Can you still read every thought as it flits through my head? You couldn't possibly.
Unless you feel the same.
I wish there were stars. I could look up at the sky and instead see you out of the corner of my eye.
I wish I could take your hand and know you wouldn't pull away. I wish I didn't feel so alone sitting right here next to you in this moment. I'm not brave enough to do the only thing I want. It's a simple wish. We've held hands before, why is this different? Why am I so afraid to try this once?
Carefully, as the thunder moves ever closer, as the rational part of my mind screams at us both to come in out of the rain, I sneak a glance at you. You're staring at the sky and I can almost see the stars you're looking for. You wanted falling stars and wishes and hope and all I can give you is a storm that threatens to drown us both.
Closer.
I...
There will never be a second chance to do this over and any second now you're going to come to your senses and I will lose what little nerve I have.
I...
There. A spark burns my hand all the way up my arm and straight into my heart. I look down and your pinkie is wrapped around mine. For a minute I thought... For a second I hoped...
I blink away tears, though I'm not sure why, since the rain will wash them away. I just don't want you to see me cry, even if you don't know the tears are for you.
Half of what I want, after all.
Lightning blinds me as I look up this last time.
So I never see the look on your face when you realize everything I've said in the last forever has meant more than you ever thought. I never see the look on your face when, for half a second, you think I've changed my mind. And I never see you lean in close and kiss me.
I just feel my own world blow apart in the best possible way, if only for one second.
Anyway, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it, truthfully. I was pretty much right when I thought I'd like Lester best [cuz, duh] and that Alice, by virtue of being Alice, would be a hit or miss depending. And she was. In fact, despite the fact that it screamed "I has no budget!" it would have been perfectly cute, although not as good as the books [again with the duh] if not for the fantasy sequences. Sure. She's a sixth grader. But cut her some slack. I'm sure I would die a thousand deaths if I could remember some of my sixth grade fantasies, but at least I tried not to make them lame as they were happening. What's their excuse? :P
I'm lazy and avoiding things and people and it's just what I do this time of year. Also, did I mention I'm tired? I really don't think I did. Well, I am.
Huh. Can someone explain how I ended up joining the Waldsen army? I guess I needed a backup for the Chuck/Blair. Still, it's a bit odd since I think Serena's vapid on the best of days... *muse*
There are no stars out tonight. No moon overhead. Just a dark expanse of sky lit by the occasional flash of lightning. When the thunder begins to rumble in the distance, I'm torn between wanting to go inside where it's safe, where the storm will pass us by, and wanting to stay right here, hand inching ever closer to yours, heart pounding as I wait to see if this is all in my head. The moment we leave this place my moment will be lost. We will never end up here again, not like this.
I tell myself I'll be fine if this is all we are. If you're just my best friend, the only person to get me when I'm going half out of my mind, and the only person who would think to call me in the middle of the night when your world has just blown apart. I'll be fine living with less than half of what I want, just so long as I get that particular half.
I know I'm lying as I whisper the words in my head. It doesn't count as a lie if you know it is one as you make the promise to yourself, right? They're just words.
A flash of light. My heart pounds in the silence before the thunder roars through the night. I hold my breath. Did your hand just touch mine? Did you mean it? Can you still read every thought as it flits through my head? You couldn't possibly.
Unless you feel the same.
I wish there were stars. I could look up at the sky and instead see you out of the corner of my eye.
I wish I could take your hand and know you wouldn't pull away. I wish I didn't feel so alone sitting right here next to you in this moment. I'm not brave enough to do the only thing I want. It's a simple wish. We've held hands before, why is this different? Why am I so afraid to try this once?
Carefully, as the thunder moves ever closer, as the rational part of my mind screams at us both to come in out of the rain, I sneak a glance at you. You're staring at the sky and I can almost see the stars you're looking for. You wanted falling stars and wishes and hope and all I can give you is a storm that threatens to drown us both.
Closer.
I...
There will never be a second chance to do this over and any second now you're going to come to your senses and I will lose what little nerve I have.
I...
There. A spark burns my hand all the way up my arm and straight into my heart. I look down and your pinkie is wrapped around mine. For a minute I thought... For a second I hoped...
I blink away tears, though I'm not sure why, since the rain will wash them away. I just don't want you to see me cry, even if you don't know the tears are for you.
Half of what I want, after all.
Lightning blinds me as I look up this last time.
So I never see the look on your face when you realize everything I've said in the last forever has meant more than you ever thought. I never see the look on your face when, for half a second, you think I've changed my mind. And I never see you lean in close and kiss me.
I just feel my own world blow apart in the best possible way, if only for one second.
