I don't have a choice

[impy]

Fandom: BSC
Title: Coward
Characters/Pairings: Kristy/Abby
Word Count: 572
Notes: Part 2/2


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  I can't get the look in her eyes out of my mind. Panicked and desperate for something I couldn't find a way to give. I don't like this feeling, like I'm trapped in my own skin, but I've felt like this since I dropped her off at home. Before then. When I took the coward's way out and looked away before she could tell what I was thinking, what I was feeling.

  I couldn't tell her the truth. I couldn't. I can't. If I do I know exactly where this will lead. Things will turn sour and we'll end up avoiding each other and given the way we both feel now, and the way we both react to uncomfortable situations, it wouldn't surprise me if we declared war on one another. And I can't go through that. It was hard enough standing on the sidelines when Mary Anne and Logan finally went full blown nuclear. I can't go through that myself.

  I like to think of myself as a lot of things, but until now I never thought I'd have to add wimp to the list, but in hiding from Abby, and myself, I'm definitely not as brave as I thought. But isn't this the smart thing to do? Save us the pain that is just waiting for us to make a move in that direction?

  "You never know, Kristy. She might surprise you." Mary Anne was the one who told me how Abby felt. I'd begun to wonder, but I guess Mary Anne used her super powers to figure it out. Or maybe it was just one of those things everyone else notices before you do. I'm not sure and it doesn't really matter, because I'm not going to do anything about it.
  I can't have my heart go through that kind of pain. I've seen what it can do, how it can break even the best people. The look on my mother's face the first year my father was gone is etched into my brain permanently. I can't willingly do that to myself. Because that's what will happen. We're just too much alike. This will never work.
  It's easier to leave things the way they were. They've shifted a bit, but if we just keep going and pretend they haven't then things will be back to normal.

  Won't they?

   The snow is swirling around me as I run across our lawn towards hers and for a moment I'm blinded by the cold as much as the darkness. I know I should turn around, I should slow down enough to call or think this through or something, but I can't. Within seconds I'm standing underneath her window. This is such a bad idea but I can't stop myself. I let out an earsplitting whistle, the one I'm known for, and I wait.

  The snow continues to fall around me but I can't feel anything beyond the pounding of my heart.

  The door creaks open and Abby appears. She's rubbing her eyes and giving me the "have you gone completely round the bend?" look but she's here. I cross the yard in record time.
  "What are you-?"
  The distance between us disappears as I lean in and kiss her softly. It's exactly what I expect in that the world stops spinning and I'm completely and utterly lost until she touches my face and kisses me back.
  "Happy Valentine's Day," I whisper.

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Afterthought: Abby's side came to me first but it wasn't until Sunday or so that Kristy pointed out that her side hadn't been told, even in my head and that seemed a bit unfair. If you pretend that the number of times Kristy's father is brought up has less to do with lazy characterization and an easy way to work on that "everyone gets three things, MAX" by the end of the series and instead had more to do with how it affected her views on relationships, I can totally see her being too afraid to make that leap when she does actually feel something. Especially if it's a relationship she's pretty sure will end badly, either due to timing or the other person or simply herself.
  I freely admit that chiblet me shipped the good ship of Logan and MA pretty hardcore and that I'm annoyed by the whole "Logan's an ass!" backlash, be it canon or fans. That said, I can see the good ship going back one more time in HS and it ending in a spectacular blowout which would traumatize innocent bystanders like Kristy.


One more to go and then you can stop hiding.

Comments

[luxken27]

Ha - I like that Kristy is the one who overcomes her fears and justifications and goes for it. That's very in character for her, I think, even if she did have a head's up from Mary Anne. (Mary Anne playing matchmaker? Perish the thought!)

Admittedly, now you have me curious about the blowup/breakup between MA and Logan...

[snarky-imp.livejournal.com]

Obviously next time you hold one of these things, I'll have to see if I can figure out whatever went kerflooey between MA & Logan. Muhahaha...?