65 Things to Do in Hell
Jan. 5th, 2013 08:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impySometimes, on weeks when I'm really bored or the tabloids are really quick to flip through and the monthly mags haven't been updated, I check out Charleston Magazine. I don't make a habit of it because it's dull as dishwater and the layout makes it friggin' impossible to tell the real content from the ads (and this is even more amusing when you see the same ad in a national magazine and it's done better) and that's just not my thing. Also, I loathe anything that seems to believe Charleston is the historic district and a few plantations. It's more than that unless you are specifically talking about the historic district, k?
It's like the worst of living here rolled up into one rag. Glowing review, eh? Any way. Some woman comes in and buys three of the new Bucket List issue so she can send them to her mother and sisters. I figure this merits me looking inside. I do and the first half of the list is... special. The second half isn't so bad.
For those brave enough, follow me as I detail what I've done, what I'd like to do, and what can just go do anatomically impossible things. The Charleston Bucket List.
1. Watch the Moon Rise. Done! Will do again. Need to do again, in fact.
2. Eat pralines til you puke. I think I did this as a kid. It only took a few. I don't like nuts in my candy. :P I will admit that they smell heavenly though.
3. Bathe in Pluff Mud.
o_O Are you... this is a joke, right? The humor is just a little off, right? I dunno. If you mean everyone around here should have ended up in pluff mud at least once, then yes. I fully agree. If you mean one should run right out to the marsh and act like this is a spa day, then no. I don't. But I can cross this off the list!
I was friends with a Kate who lived by the marsh. We spent a lot of time together, as neighborhood friends do. After awhile you kind of run out of things to do and then one day she decided we should walk to the bridge you could see from her house. Through the marsh.
Yeah. We made it about halfway there before one of us lost a shoe to the marsh and then we headed back to her house where we were locked out because pluff mud smells like death warmed over. We had to wait for the mud to dry and then flake off as much as we could and then, and only then, could we hose ourselves off and start the waiting process all over again.
Fabulous considering it was January or February. :P
Pluff mud will fuck your shit up, kids.
4. Need to do this one again (Take a House Tour) but most local kids I know got dragged through at least one house, most of us more than one. Story two! The cat across the street from me when I was in middle/high school was from the Aiken Rhett house, hence his name.
5. I hate grits but we own Charleston Recepts, so halfsies on this one?
6. ... Maybe when I'm older?
7. Can't say I've done this although there was that suspicious ghost walk Dad sent Cass and I to. The south will rise! Widget can cross this one off, though.
8. Pass.
9. Need to do.
10. I'd prefer to dip my toes in the Atlantic on my own, thank you.
This will go on forever if I comment on each, so we'll just concentrate on the yes/to do/seriously?! entries.
Should/Need to Do:
12
15 (Ghost Tour! Foggy night! End the night waving to possible relatives' graves!)
17
30. The picture is horrifying though. o_O
31.
34-38
40, 41, 43
44: I have aided quite a few people in my job for this. You come in at 3am looking for paint and there are enough of you? Yeah. You're painting the boat.
46. Never heard of this until a couple of years ago.
50. Oooh.
51. Reminds me of the phone call Ari got one Halloween from her mother. "I think I'm at a...different service than I intended." Bless you, Circular Congregational. Bless you.
53. 54.
Seriously?/No:
Ha, no. I hate boiled peanuts. (#14)
18: You can keep your Bridge Run.
20. Insist that your Guest Refer to the Civil War as the War Between the States. Brownie points for convincing your New York relatives to call it “the War of Northern Aggression.”
23. Walk the Battery During a Tropical Storm (They do say not to actually do this but the humor in this piece is very hit or miss.)
45. St. Cecilia Society, what now?
56. Only because I'm afraid of heights.
62. Sports Bar, no. You wait til after the game and troll the Gamecocks because seriously, wtf.
Done!:
26: Kate and I went crabbing a lot.
27. If the summer of seafood at OASIS didn't do it, this reminder sure did.
28. So helpful, this list.
32. See: House Tour and then go with yearly trips to the Dock Street to see The Nutcracker. :P
42. School!
48. GUYS. GUYS. Do you KNOW how many people can't figure out how to pronounce Folly, they've been so thoroughly discombobulated by the rest of the names 'round here? FOLLY. Not Foley. Every. Friggin. Time. I want to throw on the thickest accent I can and drawl, "You ain't from 'round here, areya?"
55. Went to Myrtle Beach and we made this and dammit, now I want Frogmore Stew!
61. Again. School. A lot. But also with the parentals.
63. If you're allergic to tourists, you should go to hell. :P
64. Lie to a Tourist annnnnnnd yet I've done this one. But never with the grits tree story. Never!
Finally, I suspect this is why that woman bought three of these magazines:
65. Move Back to Charleston We miss you. Come home!
I guess it's not that much more than a Hallmark card...
It's like the worst of living here rolled up into one rag. Glowing review, eh? Any way. Some woman comes in and buys three of the new Bucket List issue so she can send them to her mother and sisters. I figure this merits me looking inside. I do and the first half of the list is... special. The second half isn't so bad.
For those brave enough, follow me as I detail what I've done, what I'd like to do, and what can just go do anatomically impossible things. The Charleston Bucket List.
1. Watch the Moon Rise. Done! Will do again. Need to do again, in fact.
2. Eat pralines til you puke. I think I did this as a kid. It only took a few. I don't like nuts in my candy. :P I will admit that they smell heavenly though.
3. Bathe in Pluff Mud.
o_O Are you... this is a joke, right? The humor is just a little off, right? I dunno. If you mean everyone around here should have ended up in pluff mud at least once, then yes. I fully agree. If you mean one should run right out to the marsh and act like this is a spa day, then no. I don't. But I can cross this off the list!
I was friends with a Kate who lived by the marsh. We spent a lot of time together, as neighborhood friends do. After awhile you kind of run out of things to do and then one day she decided we should walk to the bridge you could see from her house. Through the marsh.
Yeah. We made it about halfway there before one of us lost a shoe to the marsh and then we headed back to her house where we were locked out because pluff mud smells like death warmed over. We had to wait for the mud to dry and then flake off as much as we could and then, and only then, could we hose ourselves off and start the waiting process all over again.
Fabulous considering it was January or February. :P
Pluff mud will fuck your shit up, kids.
4. Need to do this one again (Take a House Tour) but most local kids I know got dragged through at least one house, most of us more than one. Story two! The cat across the street from me when I was in middle/high school was from the Aiken Rhett house, hence his name.
5. I hate grits but we own Charleston Recepts, so halfsies on this one?
6. ... Maybe when I'm older?
7. Can't say I've done this although there was that suspicious ghost walk Dad sent Cass and I to. The south will rise! Widget can cross this one off, though.
8. Pass.
9. Need to do.
10. I'd prefer to dip my toes in the Atlantic on my own, thank you.
This will go on forever if I comment on each, so we'll just concentrate on the yes/to do/seriously?! entries.
Should/Need to Do:
12
15 (Ghost Tour! Foggy night! End the night waving to possible relatives' graves!)
17
30. The picture is horrifying though. o_O
31.
34-38
40, 41, 43
44: I have aided quite a few people in my job for this. You come in at 3am looking for paint and there are enough of you? Yeah. You're painting the boat.
46. Never heard of this until a couple of years ago.
50. Oooh.
51. Reminds me of the phone call Ari got one Halloween from her mother. "I think I'm at a...different service than I intended." Bless you, Circular Congregational. Bless you.
53. 54.
Seriously?/No:
Ha, no. I hate boiled peanuts. (#14)
18: You can keep your Bridge Run.
20. Insist that your Guest Refer to the Civil War as the War Between the States. Brownie points for convincing your New York relatives to call it “the War of Northern Aggression.”
23. Walk the Battery During a Tropical Storm (They do say not to actually do this but the humor in this piece is very hit or miss.)
45. St. Cecilia Society, what now?
56. Only because I'm afraid of heights.
62. Sports Bar, no. You wait til after the game and troll the Gamecocks because seriously, wtf.
Done!:
26: Kate and I went crabbing a lot.
27. If the summer of seafood at OASIS didn't do it, this reminder sure did.
28. So helpful, this list.
32. See: House Tour and then go with yearly trips to the Dock Street to see The Nutcracker. :P
42. School!
48. GUYS. GUYS. Do you KNOW how many people can't figure out how to pronounce Folly, they've been so thoroughly discombobulated by the rest of the names 'round here? FOLLY. Not Foley. Every. Friggin. Time. I want to throw on the thickest accent I can and drawl, "You ain't from 'round here, areya?"
55. Went to Myrtle Beach and we made this and dammit, now I want Frogmore Stew!
61. Again. School. A lot. But also with the parentals.
63. If you're allergic to tourists, you should go to hell. :P
64. Lie to a Tourist annnnnnnd yet I've done this one. But never with the grits tree story. Never!
Finally, I suspect this is why that woman bought three of these magazines:
65. Move Back to Charleston We miss you. Come home!
I guess it's not that much more than a Hallmark card...