I do not feel old but I do feel weird
May. 16th, 2019 06:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impyI was going to say, "wanna feel old? Well, yesterday was Widget's 18th birthday!" but... that doesn't actually make me feel all that old? Well, not older than usual anyway. But yes, he's now 18 and that does feel a bit weird.
It seems fitting that his birthday basically was a decent summation of my current relationship with Widget: all over the place. :P I hope his side of his birthday was better than my side, honestly, though that might be difficult since he seems to have broken his thumb the night before.
Terribly vague, so very sorry. My brother called while I was at work to kind of demand that Widget have sunscreen as the boy couldn't find his. I say demand because I don't believe he asked me to get some, just kind of made a decree that it was needed and he would not be providing it. I waffled back and forth on which one to get because while they will both steal my sunscreen, I'm pretty sure we all want different things from it. I want to avoid the sun getting to me at all, they want to avoid getting a burn but that's about it. Still, sunscreen acquired.
Mums and I stopped at Target on the way home from work and I'm still pissed at Target. Even going in knowing that I'd be having to use their stupid self checkout, they still managed to annoy me. Not with their stuff but with how long it took to get any help when the machine froze on me. Twice. One time I just had to fucking wait it out and the other I had to fucking flag someone down to get them to help me (stupid gift cards). The huffiness when I accidentally fucked up my PIN and she had to come back was just off the charts. Btw, I still had to fucking wait forever for her to show up on that, too. My takeaway from this is "fuck Target."
By the time I get home, I've decided I am going to brave the pool for the first time this year. I go upstairs and grab my pool bag to empty it out of the off-season stuff. I notice that a) my batteries that I swiped back from Widget were gone (extra annoying since I was going to use them for something) and also the pool key? Gone.
Which annoyed me but honestly, given the batteries going MIA and the fact that he's been wearing pool shorts pretty much every other day this spring, I figured he had it. Nope. He claimed he never took it, never had it, GOD, why are we accusing him and this goes on for some time before finally "It was in my wallet when it got stolen, GOD."
I have NFI if he's telling the truth but ultimately my mini vacation plans, and any weekend plans for the foreseeable future until we hear back from our landlady, are on hold. And I'm ticked. Because this summer is not looking like it's going to be one that will be great at work, k?
Anyway. So I seethe to myself because between the lying and the stealing, I am massively regretting my gift purchases from Hell earlier.
He comes down to shower before my brother is supposed to pick him up and take him to lunch/the beach and a little while after that he comes over and shows me his thumb and how it's all puffy and hurts. But I can't see any cause of it other than a tiny possible bite mark, so I peroxide that just in case and tell him to mention it to Mums or his father. Maybe an hour after they leave (which'll be like three from when this happens), I get a text from him saying that he broke his thumb. Why he didn't lead with "was fixing a car last night and slammed my thumb into something" I will never know.
I figure they'll be at the beach for quite awhile, which is a big part of why I didn't choose to try and tagalong but nope. For whatever reason the lunch portion of the day never happened (why?) and they make it back around 3:30 maybe? I dunno as almost as soon as I went up to nap, I get a bunch of texts asking if I'm up because he wants to know if maybe I could give him his presents when they get home because then he's heading out to the hospital with his mom.
I don't say it because I've never had the joy (and don't want it) but I don't think they'll be able to do much for a broken thumb beyond go, "ayup, it's broken alright." And spoiler, but I was right about that. But he got his rib dinner so that's good, I guess. I get a hug and a kiss thank you for the gifts and later he checks in after he makes it back from time with his mom. I'm really sleepy at that point so I can't be sure, but I think he and his friend(s) pop in and out of the house for the next couple of hours. So not a terrible day for him, I hope.
It is weird to realize I still remember him appearing in the world (and the lead-up) and now he's pretty grown-up in some ways. Sometimes, when I'm feeling selfish, I wonder if he'll be the sort to reflect back and realize that Mums and I wound up doing a good chunk of the not fun parenting. However, for years my big goal (aside from keeping him alive) was to keep him from realizing how much of the short end of the stick he'd gotten with regards to his parents at various times in his life.
I wonder how much he actually remembers my dad.
Considering my age and general disinterest in having kids of my own has been fairly constant (definitely when you consider childbirth- ugh), my role in Widget's life is pretty much the closest to parenthood I will likely ever come. Which is a good thing, I guess, and a bad thing as basically a good chunk of my run was spent putting out fires caused by his parents and his reactions to them. I do hope that he matures more this year and accepts that sometimes life just handicaps you at the start but you gotta work with that. Or at least around it, and stop using that as a reason to fuck up without wanting to accept the consequences for said fucking up.
Basically I'd like him to experience enough growth that he's beyond both parents at this point. It's a lofty goal.
It seems fitting that his birthday basically was a decent summation of my current relationship with Widget: all over the place. :P I hope his side of his birthday was better than my side, honestly, though that might be difficult since he seems to have broken his thumb the night before.
Terribly vague, so very sorry. My brother called while I was at work to kind of demand that Widget have sunscreen as the boy couldn't find his. I say demand because I don't believe he asked me to get some, just kind of made a decree that it was needed and he would not be providing it. I waffled back and forth on which one to get because while they will both steal my sunscreen, I'm pretty sure we all want different things from it. I want to avoid the sun getting to me at all, they want to avoid getting a burn but that's about it. Still, sunscreen acquired.
Mums and I stopped at Target on the way home from work and I'm still pissed at Target. Even going in knowing that I'd be having to use their stupid self checkout, they still managed to annoy me. Not with their stuff but with how long it took to get any help when the machine froze on me. Twice. One time I just had to fucking wait it out and the other I had to fucking flag someone down to get them to help me (stupid gift cards). The huffiness when I accidentally fucked up my PIN and she had to come back was just off the charts. Btw, I still had to fucking wait forever for her to show up on that, too. My takeaway from this is "fuck Target."
By the time I get home, I've decided I am going to brave the pool for the first time this year. I go upstairs and grab my pool bag to empty it out of the off-season stuff. I notice that a) my batteries that I swiped back from Widget were gone (extra annoying since I was going to use them for something) and also the pool key? Gone.
Which annoyed me but honestly, given the batteries going MIA and the fact that he's been wearing pool shorts pretty much every other day this spring, I figured he had it. Nope. He claimed he never took it, never had it, GOD, why are we accusing him and this goes on for some time before finally "It was in my wallet when it got stolen, GOD."
I have NFI if he's telling the truth but ultimately my mini vacation plans, and any weekend plans for the foreseeable future until we hear back from our landlady, are on hold. And I'm ticked. Because this summer is not looking like it's going to be one that will be great at work, k?
Anyway. So I seethe to myself because between the lying and the stealing, I am massively regretting my gift purchases from Hell earlier.
He comes down to shower before my brother is supposed to pick him up and take him to lunch/the beach and a little while after that he comes over and shows me his thumb and how it's all puffy and hurts. But I can't see any cause of it other than a tiny possible bite mark, so I peroxide that just in case and tell him to mention it to Mums or his father. Maybe an hour after they leave (which'll be like three from when this happens), I get a text from him saying that he broke his thumb. Why he didn't lead with "was fixing a car last night and slammed my thumb into something" I will never know.
I figure they'll be at the beach for quite awhile, which is a big part of why I didn't choose to try and tagalong but nope. For whatever reason the lunch portion of the day never happened (why?) and they make it back around 3:30 maybe? I dunno as almost as soon as I went up to nap, I get a bunch of texts asking if I'm up because he wants to know if maybe I could give him his presents when they get home because then he's heading out to the hospital with his mom.
I don't say it because I've never had the joy (and don't want it) but I don't think they'll be able to do much for a broken thumb beyond go, "ayup, it's broken alright." And spoiler, but I was right about that. But he got his rib dinner so that's good, I guess. I get a hug and a kiss thank you for the gifts and later he checks in after he makes it back from time with his mom. I'm really sleepy at that point so I can't be sure, but I think he and his friend(s) pop in and out of the house for the next couple of hours. So not a terrible day for him, I hope.
It is weird to realize I still remember him appearing in the world (and the lead-up) and now he's pretty grown-up in some ways. Sometimes, when I'm feeling selfish, I wonder if he'll be the sort to reflect back and realize that Mums and I wound up doing a good chunk of the not fun parenting. However, for years my big goal (aside from keeping him alive) was to keep him from realizing how much of the short end of the stick he'd gotten with regards to his parents at various times in his life.
I wonder how much he actually remembers my dad.
Considering my age and general disinterest in having kids of my own has been fairly constant (definitely when you consider childbirth- ugh), my role in Widget's life is pretty much the closest to parenthood I will likely ever come. Which is a good thing, I guess, and a bad thing as basically a good chunk of my run was spent putting out fires caused by his parents and his reactions to them. I do hope that he matures more this year and accepts that sometimes life just handicaps you at the start but you gotta work with that. Or at least around it, and stop using that as a reason to fuck up without wanting to accept the consequences for said fucking up.
Basically I'd like him to experience enough growth that he's beyond both parents at this point. It's a lofty goal.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-06-23 11:20 pm (UTC)