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i know they all want you
Jan. 14th, 2003 12:59 amSo, I'm tempting fate big time here. I mean, it's the middle of the night [quite literally, actually], I've had no caffeine in the last hour or so, and I've been listening to a CD that contains songs by The Cure. Which is guarenteed to make me a little on the wacko side.
But, I've had one of those days that just kind of requires some sort of outlet. And since writing to the ex didn't fulfill the bitching quota, I figured I'd head over here. Which is good, since I doubt I qualify for the most read LJ on the planet. [that right is left to the First Evil, I think] So I can bitch and not have to worry about too many people thinking I'm crazy. Of course... *rambles*
I went over to Ari's today to hang out. Apparently I was really invited over to help her move her stuff into her old room [which is currently her sister's.]. This would have been nice to know prior to going over there, but hey. Instead I got drawn up in the lines of another war between sisters. Except this time I'm pretty sure I'm on the side of right. Not that it makes any difference since I still have to move boxes filled with crap because someone is a fucking idiot. How freakin' hard is it to pick up a goddamned telephone [which she practically has surgically attached to her ear anyway] and say "Liz left, so I can't come get my stuff. Bye." Apparently world domination would be easier than using her brain for anything other than getting her ass into trouble.
And she wonders why I'm pissed off at her.
And yet that's oddly the least of my thoughts. Most of my annoyance, yes. But least of my thoughts.
While at Ari's, before the big throw everything you see into an overflowing box party, I got to meet another of her mom's friends who commented on a ring of Ari's, asking if it was an engagement ring. Which threw me [not because it was, but because... y'know, it could have been].
One super serious boyfriend? Missing. One flighty, ditzy, stupid boy toy? Not really wanted. Any guy who has realized the goddess that is moi? Uh, not any time lately. Job ? Nup. Desire for one? Pretty much all time low. Plans to go to college after getting my GED results back? [ask this in an incredibly ditzy blonde voice, please] Not so much.
Yeah. It's fun thinking about how horribly different my life is compared to how I used to think it would turn out. And for the most part I can rationalize it away, and say that all things considered, I'm happier than a lot of people I know. If you ignore the fact that I have a shockingly high 'scare them away' rate. Mm.
So. In an effort to make you laugh and not run away, because I'm unloading onto my own shoulder, not yours [so no freak outs, please] I shall share this little snippet from my letter to the ex.
"Career? Nup. Just this crushing fear that the whole writing thing will never pan out. That I suck beyond words [which is funny, since, you know, writers and words and all] and that scares me since it's about the only thing I've ever truly wanted [in terms of a career] and it's also the only constant I've had. So then I start thinking, wouldn't it be highly ironic if all I ever wanted to do was be an author, and yet I sucked horribly at it. Ironic, yes? And then I think, you know, that could be a fun little story. Which only furthers the irony because, uh, if I suck at it, then this story would suck and that would just be even more ironic, especially if it was incorporated into the story, which would suck because of my lack of ability to write... And so on."
Well, I was amused. In that way that alternates dread and hysterical giggling.
I really should not watch any Buffy episodes with Oz as it seriously alters my ability to form coherant and non depressing thought. Couldn't be the straight hour and ten minutes of depressing songs with two Cure songs that make me cry like a little lost teenager. Nope, not at all. I blame Oz. I do.
Ugh. Perhaps I should just stick to bitching about people and not myself. And yet then I would just blend in with everyone else, and no matter how hard I've tried in the past, I've never been very good at doing that.
Sigh.
I can make the world safe for you...
But, I've had one of those days that just kind of requires some sort of outlet. And since writing to the ex didn't fulfill the bitching quota, I figured I'd head over here. Which is good, since I doubt I qualify for the most read LJ on the planet. [that right is left to the First Evil, I think] So I can bitch and not have to worry about too many people thinking I'm crazy. Of course... *rambles*
I went over to Ari's today to hang out. Apparently I was really invited over to help her move her stuff into her old room [which is currently her sister's.]. This would have been nice to know prior to going over there, but hey. Instead I got drawn up in the lines of another war between sisters. Except this time I'm pretty sure I'm on the side of right. Not that it makes any difference since I still have to move boxes filled with crap because someone is a fucking idiot. How freakin' hard is it to pick up a goddamned telephone [which she practically has surgically attached to her ear anyway] and say "Liz left, so I can't come get my stuff. Bye." Apparently world domination would be easier than using her brain for anything other than getting her ass into trouble.
And she wonders why I'm pissed off at her.
And yet that's oddly the least of my thoughts. Most of my annoyance, yes. But least of my thoughts.
While at Ari's, before the big throw everything you see into an overflowing box party, I got to meet another of her mom's friends who commented on a ring of Ari's, asking if it was an engagement ring. Which threw me [not because it was, but because... y'know, it could have been].
One super serious boyfriend? Missing. One flighty, ditzy, stupid boy toy? Not really wanted. Any guy who has realized the goddess that is moi? Uh, not any time lately. Job ? Nup. Desire for one? Pretty much all time low. Plans to go to college after getting my GED results back? [ask this in an incredibly ditzy blonde voice, please] Not so much.
Yeah. It's fun thinking about how horribly different my life is compared to how I used to think it would turn out. And for the most part I can rationalize it away, and say that all things considered, I'm happier than a lot of people I know. If you ignore the fact that I have a shockingly high 'scare them away' rate. Mm.
So. In an effort to make you laugh and not run away, because I'm unloading onto my own shoulder, not yours [so no freak outs, please] I shall share this little snippet from my letter to the ex.
"Career? Nup. Just this crushing fear that the whole writing thing will never pan out. That I suck beyond words [which is funny, since, you know, writers and words and all] and that scares me since it's about the only thing I've ever truly wanted [in terms of a career] and it's also the only constant I've had. So then I start thinking, wouldn't it be highly ironic if all I ever wanted to do was be an author, and yet I sucked horribly at it. Ironic, yes? And then I think, you know, that could be a fun little story. Which only furthers the irony because, uh, if I suck at it, then this story would suck and that would just be even more ironic, especially if it was incorporated into the story, which would suck because of my lack of ability to write... And so on."
Well, I was amused. In that way that alternates dread and hysterical giggling.
I really should not watch any Buffy episodes with Oz as it seriously alters my ability to form coherant and non depressing thought. Couldn't be the straight hour and ten minutes of depressing songs with two Cure songs that make me cry like a little lost teenager. Nope, not at all. I blame Oz. I do.
Ugh. Perhaps I should just stick to bitching about people and not myself. And yet then I would just blend in with everyone else, and no matter how hard I've tried in the past, I've never been very good at doing that.
Sigh.
I can make the world safe for you...
