(no subject)

Your mission that you did not choose to accept is to distract me from the news that my co-worker (one of the ones I liked) died last night in what looks to be a horrific car accident.

Go. Because you are all that stands between me and watching a video that I should not fucking watch.

dammit

Article 1. That's the one most people have been linking to on FB though it's probably the shortest. The paper gives a little more detail. And the channel with the video.

So as far as I can tell, no one's officially released her name but her sister confirmed it on FB. Technically she didn't confirm that this is the accident but she hasn't said it wasn't and shortly after her post, a zillion other posts with the first article were linked.

And yeah, I watched one of the videos I probably shouldn't have. But it was the one from this morning and didn't really show much beyond a zillion flashing lights and some dude pitching a goddamned fit about not being able to use the road I guess? And they really did have the main road on the island closed for nearly 8 hours.

I keep trying to wrap my head around this but I can't. I just... can't. I'm not sure why because it's not like we were best friends forever as that would be understandable. But this isn't a case of "whoo, boy, someone else's death has me contemplating my own mortality so this is really all about me, me, me" either. Each time it hits me, it's because I think of something that's definitely about her.

I'm going to go resume She-Ra and we'll discuss this later. As it is, time is moving very strangely. I went from being full on Monday morning happy to legitimately wondering if I'd somehow missed Monday and wound up in Tuesday. I guess that's sort of explained by rarely thinking too much about work on my days off. Still, weird.

I feel so bad for her family.

(no subject)

I had to break the news to three people about Megan's death and it went about as well as one could hope. I believe I got one broken heart, one "wait, what happened?", and one "well shit." The news confirmed that the accident was hers but her sister had confirmed her death hours prior. Still, I was hoping for it to either be a mix-up or for her death to have not been that particular accident for a whole slew of reasons, not the least of which is that what little you could see of her car in one of the various videos/pictures was just... Jesus.

Not looking forward to work tomorrow. I can't even imagine what work was like today, honestly. Or last night, though I'd imagine not very busy considering the main road was closed for most of the shift.

It's strange the things that keep playing over and over in your head. Like the fact that she pretty obviously had just gotten off work early or that because some asshole decided to run, she died when a cop went flying down the freakin' road. Or there's the stupid thought that Megan always did love a man in uniform and I can't/won't say that aloud, but it's also a thought that she wouldn't think twice about saying if it applied to someone else. And I can perfectly picture the look on her face after it fell out of her mouth and the way she'd actually clap a hand over her mouth a second too late to stop it.

It's going to be weird as hell going in and not hearing her shriek, "Right?!" to all kinds of things or hear her laugh at just about everything. Or walking into the tail end of a very weird conversation she'd be having with someone else and the sheer joy on her face when she'd see the look of confusion and wtf on my face. She might have been a less than stellar coworker if you had to work after her (and to be fair, she was pretty shit at the actual work-work part of the job) but she was definitely one of the most fun and definitely the craziest. The year or so she worked overnight will probably be forever burned into my brain for a zillion reasons. Her absolute fear of snakes that Diamond exploited at every turn (and me having to scoop up the "so lifelike!" snakes when I found them before Megan had a heart attack), the way she and I would both respond to pages because all we'd hear was the M and the N and not have any idea which one of us was actually needed.

And then I think about how her group of four that was insanely close for awhile is now down to just two and if it hurts to realize that as an outsider, is it worse for the other two? Or had they just grown apart enough for it to hurt but not be as painful? Not that it matters, but apparently my brain has decided to clear out everything and just focus very intensely on things. Like how mad and sad I am that she didn't get a chance to pull things around and kick her demons in the ass, or find someone to spend either forever or a good, long stretch of time with.

On the flip side, I'm not sure I've ever seen so many people post about a non-celebrity death before. And we're not just talking about short "RIP" messages either. We're talking actual content and pictures and friends just expressing their grief. I hope that at some point that comforts her family because that's a lot of love there.