hallelujah lock and load
May. 30th, 2005 09:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impy... Sigh. I just worked 9 hours. BAH. I so hope Memorial Day is one of the ones we get holiday pay for. I should check last year's paycheck... but I don't remember if I worked it then. Hrmm. Anyway.
*hugs to the clones for different reasons*
And now I run screaming from various MCR fandom sections. Oi, I knew I avoided music fandoms because they tend to be filled with whiny bitches, but I'd forgotten that all those hormones [seriously, skip through a fandom and see if you don't feel like you're trying to avoid nine billion fantasies] just make my skin crawl. Ick. ICK. Also, tis a pain in the arse to find stuff in particular. Blah.
Thinking of dying my hair brown.
... Yeah. To the point where I have two boxes of dye and conditioner for after I go through with it. If I go through with it. Which is looking pretty good for Wednesday, actually.
Tis odd. With a brief accidental stint as a redhead [not strawberry blonde either], I've always been found under the blonde catagory. Which would, by the way, explain the desire to change. On the other hand, I might scream in horror, which is why Wednesday is Dye Day. It gives me time to get used to it without work. Well, if the worst I have to worry about is a bad hair life, then I guess that isn't too bad.
Oh, and the subject makes me giggle and then worry about why I find it so damn funny.
Not sure if I really feel like going into it, but lately I haven't felt like me. I don't know who or what I've felt like, but it doesn't feel like me. Or rather, it feels a little too much like me. A me I thought I'd outgrown. Does that make sense? ... I'm explaining it badly.
In my head I can see all sorts of mes. Some I've been, some I could have been, and some I wish I could be. I don't know if that's how everyone else is, or whether it's one of those things where you'll take a step back and say, "Right. You're as nutty as I thought. Cool." Doesn't matter. I'm feeling entirely too 18 years old all over again. Which is about when I think my personality did a slight change. I won't say it was an upgrade, but it did change. Sometime around then I ended up a little more bitchy, a little less understanding, and a lot closer to not going full on crazy which I suspect I was heading for, one way or another. Mainly because I think I wanted to be, but also because I'd been heading that way for whatever reason. I know, I know. You can't be totally crazy if you know you're crazy, right? But I figure you are crazy if you see where you'll end up, don't like it, and still run straight for it.
I'm feeling a little left of sane, moreso than I like. I don't know if this is just me being exhausted, or if that's why I'm exhausted.
..Huh. I was wrong. This is more like... end of eighteen. The time we do not speak of because I blanked 90% of it out. Hell, I think I blanked it out as it was happening. So I don't have much to go on, other than the knowledge that this isn't a great place to be. But maybe it's just a pitstop and things will click again and I'll get the hell out of this before I go back to liking it.
I explained that horribly. But, long story short: I love my misery at the same time it's driving me absolutely out of my mind.
Well, that was a prime example of why I should get my ass to bed pronto.
and down we go
*hugs to the clones for different reasons*
And now I run screaming from various MCR fandom sections. Oi, I knew I avoided music fandoms because they tend to be filled with whiny bitches, but I'd forgotten that all those hormones [seriously, skip through a fandom and see if you don't feel like you're trying to avoid nine billion fantasies] just make my skin crawl. Ick. ICK. Also, tis a pain in the arse to find stuff in particular. Blah.
Thinking of dying my hair brown.
... Yeah. To the point where I have two boxes of dye and conditioner for after I go through with it. If I go through with it. Which is looking pretty good for Wednesday, actually.
Tis odd. With a brief accidental stint as a redhead [not strawberry blonde either], I've always been found under the blonde catagory. Which would, by the way, explain the desire to change. On the other hand, I might scream in horror, which is why Wednesday is Dye Day. It gives me time to get used to it without work. Well, if the worst I have to worry about is a bad hair life, then I guess that isn't too bad.
Oh, and the subject makes me giggle and then worry about why I find it so damn funny.
Not sure if I really feel like going into it, but lately I haven't felt like me. I don't know who or what I've felt like, but it doesn't feel like me. Or rather, it feels a little too much like me. A me I thought I'd outgrown. Does that make sense? ... I'm explaining it badly.
In my head I can see all sorts of mes. Some I've been, some I could have been, and some I wish I could be. I don't know if that's how everyone else is, or whether it's one of those things where you'll take a step back and say, "Right. You're as nutty as I thought. Cool." Doesn't matter. I'm feeling entirely too 18 years old all over again. Which is about when I think my personality did a slight change. I won't say it was an upgrade, but it did change. Sometime around then I ended up a little more bitchy, a little less understanding, and a lot closer to not going full on crazy which I suspect I was heading for, one way or another. Mainly because I think I wanted to be, but also because I'd been heading that way for whatever reason. I know, I know. You can't be totally crazy if you know you're crazy, right? But I figure you are crazy if you see where you'll end up, don't like it, and still run straight for it.
I'm feeling a little left of sane, moreso than I like. I don't know if this is just me being exhausted, or if that's why I'm exhausted.
..Huh. I was wrong. This is more like... end of eighteen. The time we do not speak of because I blanked 90% of it out. Hell, I think I blanked it out as it was happening. So I don't have much to go on, other than the knowledge that this isn't a great place to be. But maybe it's just a pitstop and things will click again and I'll get the hell out of this before I go back to liking it.
I explained that horribly. But, long story short: I love my misery at the same time it's driving me absolutely out of my mind.
Well, that was a prime example of why I should get my ass to bed pronto.
and down we go
