oh, dear virginia
Feb. 3rd, 2006 05:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impylie to me, I promise I'll believe
I know, you might be wondering, "eh? aren't you supposed to be comatose so we can get some peace & quiet?" but I was so tired after work that I passed out shortly after finally making it home. Then my alarm went off, and I told it to go fuck off. Ten minutes later, my cat decided to knock over everything she could possibly find in my room. I didn't know whether to cry or try and kill her. So I yelped and woke up. Seemed a fair compromise at the time. I don't really need 13 hours of sleep.
Brief dramady update: Cass is still, as far as I know, thinking of calling off the wedding. Naturally, since my work schedule is all screwy to accomodate her evil plans. *rolls eyes out of head* I know, given the fact that the idiot she was/is prepared to chain herself to for all eternity is a shithead, this isn't such a big deal, but I'm selfish, kay? Thing is, she's asked me what to do. Numerous times. And while I know full well it's her decision, it doesn't make it any easier when the question lands in my lap and the following happens:
Shoulder Devil: Dude. You hate him. You know he's trash. Look, he's manage to convince her he's the best she'll ever get, and that she's horribly unattractive, blahblahblah, tell her she's right and to run for cover yesterday!
Shoulder Angel: ...You've been friends with her for how long? You tell her that and she'll run right back to him, more hopelessly 'in love' than before. Besides, listen to her. Her not so itty bitty heart is breaking.
SD: So? He's an ass. Her heart has to break sometime with this guy. Better now than when it'll cost a small fortune to divorce him.
SA: There's a time and place for bitchery.
SD&SA: But whatever you do, do not let her marry this guy!
Which isn't all that helpful since I know that much already. I'm not even sure which of those is actually the angel and the devil. He's a jerk. I honestly cannot figure out why she wants to marry him other than she's told her friends she's going to, and because she desperately wants her forever and ever amen love.
So, much like when he went nuclear over her dress, I sit there, paralyzed in the middle, wishing I knew whether to act on the protectively big sister vibe, or to try and not to make any sudden movements for fear of losing my head.
Sad as it is, that is brief...
The rest of life is fairly uneventful. I'm thinking I need a vacation from the crazy, and then I stop and think, the crazy isn't really mine. So why do I need the vacation? Oh, yeah, because I stress so other people don't have to. When I eventually have that heart attack most people would probably assume has everything to do with my weight and pepsi addiction, it will actually be caused by certain people in my life and my inability to not spaz over things that are not strictly my problem.
When I hit the less than fifty pages left mark in Saving Fish from Drowning, I could no longer drag it to work with me. Instead I grabbed Missing Abby which I'd yanked from the YA section in the library. Long story short: Abby & Emma are best-fantasy-lovin'friends until the THING that drives Ems away. A year later, Abby goes missing and Emma is the last person to have seen her.
It's great how some books throw you back into school days, even if it's totally unintentional. Woe for the lack of lets pretend in adult lives.
Tis weird. I think, looking back, I was definitely more actively persecuted in middle school than high school, but it's HS that gives me the chills just thinking about thinking about it. Is it perhaps because in MS I could fake out the having enough friends that it didn't make as much as a difference, despite the memories of coming home, crawling in my closet once it was clean enough to do so, and crying? Whereas HS was kind of this never ending parade of, "yeah, you're not good enough" thoughts and not enough people to divert my attention from the endless parade of thoughts in my head? Hrmm. Thoughts.
Laaaa. I'm bored. I'm also hungry. I'm tired of working until 8am. I'm tired of being tired, still. I'm tired of censoring everything I say, or feeling like I should. I'm tired of my boyfriend living 500 miles away. If this is character building, I should like to think I have enough character, thank you very much. I'm tired of people thinking I'm their shrink when I'm at work. Sucks that you married a crazy person, but I still cannot sell you beer since we do not carry any.
The other night I figured out that for the most part, I like me. I think if I met another me, I would like them once I got past the whole freaked out part. Which I should have known, what with the clones, but since I think they are much cooler than I, I imagine that's what kept the revelation from showing up on time to the party.
...it took more than two hours to catch up with LJ, and that's with ignoring almost every single post in one community. o_O
Sooo. My days off are rapidly approaching. This is good. I have no clue as to how I'm going to spend them. Speaking of spend, I got paid today. Good paycheck. Whenever I figure out the ancient language of my W-4 form, and fill it out so as to fix this tax issue, my checks will no longer be as pretty. I'm sad about this. I'm also sad that after I pay off the cell, I will have NFI what to buy. I know, I don't need to buy stuff simply because I have money. But I thought I'd have a clue, since I usually do come payday.
I'm blank.
I'm thinking I should save up and offer to pay someone's way down here so I can get some non-third wheel time, but for some reason I can't commit to the idea. Just the idea. Dunno why, other than I hate parting with large sums of cash. And I don't really want to somehow offend him by offering to pay, yet again, for a visit that will not take me there.
Totally random: The color glaze may smell, and look, like paint, but my hair is much softer. Woo!
You there. Tell me a story. Please?
I know, you might be wondering, "eh? aren't you supposed to be comatose so we can get some peace & quiet?" but I was so tired after work that I passed out shortly after finally making it home. Then my alarm went off, and I told it to go fuck off. Ten minutes later, my cat decided to knock over everything she could possibly find in my room. I didn't know whether to cry or try and kill her. So I yelped and woke up. Seemed a fair compromise at the time. I don't really need 13 hours of sleep.
Brief dramady update: Cass is still, as far as I know, thinking of calling off the wedding. Naturally, since my work schedule is all screwy to accomodate her evil plans. *rolls eyes out of head* I know, given the fact that the idiot she was/is prepared to chain herself to for all eternity is a shithead, this isn't such a big deal, but I'm selfish, kay? Thing is, she's asked me what to do. Numerous times. And while I know full well it's her decision, it doesn't make it any easier when the question lands in my lap and the following happens:
Shoulder Devil: Dude. You hate him. You know he's trash. Look, he's manage to convince her he's the best she'll ever get, and that she's horribly unattractive, blahblahblah, tell her she's right and to run for cover yesterday!
Shoulder Angel: ...You've been friends with her for how long? You tell her that and she'll run right back to him, more hopelessly 'in love' than before. Besides, listen to her. Her not so itty bitty heart is breaking.
SD: So? He's an ass. Her heart has to break sometime with this guy. Better now than when it'll cost a small fortune to divorce him.
SA: There's a time and place for bitchery.
SD&SA: But whatever you do, do not let her marry this guy!
Which isn't all that helpful since I know that much already. I'm not even sure which of those is actually the angel and the devil. He's a jerk. I honestly cannot figure out why she wants to marry him other than she's told her friends she's going to, and because she desperately wants her forever and ever amen love.
So, much like when he went nuclear over her dress, I sit there, paralyzed in the middle, wishing I knew whether to act on the protectively big sister vibe, or to try and not to make any sudden movements for fear of losing my head.
Sad as it is, that is brief...
The rest of life is fairly uneventful. I'm thinking I need a vacation from the crazy, and then I stop and think, the crazy isn't really mine. So why do I need the vacation? Oh, yeah, because I stress so other people don't have to. When I eventually have that heart attack most people would probably assume has everything to do with my weight and pepsi addiction, it will actually be caused by certain people in my life and my inability to not spaz over things that are not strictly my problem.
When I hit the less than fifty pages left mark in Saving Fish from Drowning, I could no longer drag it to work with me. Instead I grabbed Missing Abby which I'd yanked from the YA section in the library. Long story short: Abby & Emma are best-fantasy-lovin'friends until the THING that drives Ems away. A year later, Abby goes missing and Emma is the last person to have seen her.
It's great how some books throw you back into school days, even if it's totally unintentional. Woe for the lack of lets pretend in adult lives.
Tis weird. I think, looking back, I was definitely more actively persecuted in middle school than high school, but it's HS that gives me the chills just thinking about thinking about it. Is it perhaps because in MS I could fake out the having enough friends that it didn't make as much as a difference, despite the memories of coming home, crawling in my closet once it was clean enough to do so, and crying? Whereas HS was kind of this never ending parade of, "yeah, you're not good enough" thoughts and not enough people to divert my attention from the endless parade of thoughts in my head? Hrmm. Thoughts.
Laaaa. I'm bored. I'm also hungry. I'm tired of working until 8am. I'm tired of being tired, still. I'm tired of censoring everything I say, or feeling like I should. I'm tired of my boyfriend living 500 miles away. If this is character building, I should like to think I have enough character, thank you very much. I'm tired of people thinking I'm their shrink when I'm at work. Sucks that you married a crazy person, but I still cannot sell you beer since we do not carry any.
The other night I figured out that for the most part, I like me. I think if I met another me, I would like them once I got past the whole freaked out part. Which I should have known, what with the clones, but since I think they are much cooler than I, I imagine that's what kept the revelation from showing up on time to the party.
...it took more than two hours to catch up with LJ, and that's with ignoring almost every single post in one community. o_O
Sooo. My days off are rapidly approaching. This is good. I have no clue as to how I'm going to spend them. Speaking of spend, I got paid today. Good paycheck. Whenever I figure out the ancient language of my W-4 form, and fill it out so as to fix this tax issue, my checks will no longer be as pretty. I'm sad about this. I'm also sad that after I pay off the cell, I will have NFI what to buy. I know, I don't need to buy stuff simply because I have money. But I thought I'd have a clue, since I usually do come payday.
I'm blank.
I'm thinking I should save up and offer to pay someone's way down here so I can get some non-third wheel time, but for some reason I can't commit to the idea. Just the idea. Dunno why, other than I hate parting with large sums of cash. And I don't really want to somehow offend him by offering to pay, yet again, for a visit that will not take me there.
Totally random: The color glaze may smell, and look, like paint, but my hair is much softer. Woo!
You there. Tell me a story. Please?
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Date: 2006-02-04 12:21 am (UTC)