No. NO. NONononononONOnonono.
Aug. 5th, 2010 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impyMy inner masochist came out to play a couple of weeks ago. I requested Flirt and the new LKH book (Bullet) from the library. I'm thinking Saint Laurell isn't quite as popular as she used to be since the wait list for Bullet was the same for Flirt. Non-existent.
I admit, quite freely even, that I should quit this. The only characters I really care about never make it to the screen (however you want to phrase this) and at this point I don't really remember who they are. That's just not right. Still, I vaguely remember thinking that for all that she'd made Anita a monster, the last book and a half weren't terribly awful and that maybe she was on an up-swing finally.
Oh, honey, no. No. Whatever part of my brain lied to me is obviously chortling with glee because Flirt is a trainwreck. But not a fun one. It's a bit like a science experiment. You get the idea that she wrote Flirt not because the story simply needed to be told, but to show how an author (of questionable sanity/talent) goes from idea to finished product. And I might actually be on board for this, except the entire description of her process at the end is complete and utter rubbish. She claims that she'll show/tell you every step of the process but in a nutshell it's this:
This thing happened. We thought it was funny as hell, but since I am a dark and GOTHIC speshul snowflake it would involve a body count and darkness and I am goffic! Hear me roar! My friends are hot. They can flirt like no one's business, but I have boobs so maybe it's not all lost.
Flirt is set up around something that happened to Laurell, Jonboi, and her friends while out at dinner. The scene actually happens in the book and if you're all that curious, pick up the book and flip to the end and just read the comic. Save yourself the trouble.
If you're feeling slightly less idiotic than I am but are still curious: Anita meets with a client about bringing his wife back from the dead. There's a painfully long exchange wherein she wants to know *why* he wants to bring her back. He won't say and she won't raise the zombie. He still refuses to tell her *why* but he says that she's the only person who can bring her back because she was blown to bits. Anita says tough shit and then goes out in the lobby to see him off. Micah, Nathaniel, and Jason are all there to meet her for lunch. She gropes them in front of the semi-grieving widower and we cut to lunch.
Nathaniel's too pretty for his own good and the moment he locks eyes with the waiter, the waiter goes dumbfound at the pretty. There's a lot of words wasted on this phenomenon and how flirting is all about letting another person know that you "see" them. A lot of trees died for this, k? Anyway, Anita flirts with the guy and he's hooked because did you know Anita's like super hot but she doesn't know it and she's like a dude in a girl's body?
Anita meets with a woman who wants to bring her husband back but the twist is she wants to kill him, then bury him alive (since zombies don't die again until the animator tells them to do so). Anita says no. Then she goes back to the restaurant she and her boys went to previously and the waiter who thinks she's hot switches tables so he can wait on her. Thing is Anita doesn't really know how to flirt so... she's got him interested and he doesn't know he doesn't have a chance. Poor bastard.
Then a were appears and threatens her and then another appears and they threaten the waiter who doesn't know what's going on. Anita gets kidnapped and she's all, "crazy broad! I'm not bringing your husband back!" But it's not. It's the dude whose wife was a fur-fucker.
Turns out these dudes are werelions and not all that thrilled to have been thrown into a job that involves a Regina who is in heat and hasn't picked a Rex. The more powerful of the two, Jacob, tells her to stop trying to fuck them or else her boyfriends are going to get shot because the phone calls meant to keep them alive won't happen. Anita not have sex? Inconceivable!
I'm really cutting this down but you get the idea, right? Anyway, there comes a point when she's wounded the third dude, the phone calls have been made, and she's pretty sure that if she killed the dude who is bankrolling this job, her sweeties would be safe anyway. She's going to have to raise this zombie. Possibly. Maybe. Thing is, she acts like this is her only way out after telling us, repeatedly, that she could just kill the widower and it would all be over.
Instead she makes this big decision to use the ardeur to feed on Nicky (the second lion) which is fair enough. He was offered/offered himself. While she's doing this she realizes she can fuck him over and bind him to her FOREVER. She can do what she killed monsters for doing back in the better books. She becomes the monster she used to hunt but it's totally cool because it saves Jason, Nathaniel, and Micah. She can handle the trade of his freedom for their lives. It's cool.
THEN, when she raises an army of zombies and has them eat the dude, she puts the zombies down, walks away from Jacob who wants no part of this bullshit anymore, and says, "Look what followed me home!" Micah is all, "I know how hard it was for you to do this."
Which, because it's Micah, makes me gag but it's also said in front of the guy who has been bonded forever to someone who can't figure out that if you don't eat, you will die. And she doesn't act like it's a big thing. She makes a bigger deal about realizing that when she fed on Nicky, she could also feed on Jacob (since he turned N) and anyone else connected to this king. Really, Anita? What you took away from this experience was a new way to succumb to the dark side?
I swear, I threw the book down in disgust. How does LKH pass this off as Anita still being the hero?
I... *flails about* The hell?!
All that said, and there's more I may edit in later, the comic at the end is adorable and worth being read.
I admit, quite freely even, that I should quit this. The only characters I really care about never make it to the screen (however you want to phrase this) and at this point I don't really remember who they are. That's just not right. Still, I vaguely remember thinking that for all that she'd made Anita a monster, the last book and a half weren't terribly awful and that maybe she was on an up-swing finally.
Oh, honey, no. No. Whatever part of my brain lied to me is obviously chortling with glee because Flirt is a trainwreck. But not a fun one. It's a bit like a science experiment. You get the idea that she wrote Flirt not because the story simply needed to be told, but to show how an author (of questionable sanity/talent) goes from idea to finished product. And I might actually be on board for this, except the entire description of her process at the end is complete and utter rubbish. She claims that she'll show/tell you every step of the process but in a nutshell it's this:
This thing happened. We thought it was funny as hell, but since I am a dark and GOTHIC speshul snowflake it would involve a body count and darkness and I am goffic! Hear me roar! My friends are hot. They can flirt like no one's business, but I have boobs so maybe it's not all lost.
Flirt is set up around something that happened to Laurell, Jonboi, and her friends while out at dinner. The scene actually happens in the book and if you're all that curious, pick up the book and flip to the end and just read the comic. Save yourself the trouble.
If you're feeling slightly less idiotic than I am but are still curious: Anita meets with a client about bringing his wife back from the dead. There's a painfully long exchange wherein she wants to know *why* he wants to bring her back. He won't say and she won't raise the zombie. He still refuses to tell her *why* but he says that she's the only person who can bring her back because she was blown to bits. Anita says tough shit and then goes out in the lobby to see him off. Micah, Nathaniel, and Jason are all there to meet her for lunch. She gropes them in front of the semi-grieving widower and we cut to lunch.
Nathaniel's too pretty for his own good and the moment he locks eyes with the waiter, the waiter goes dumbfound at the pretty. There's a lot of words wasted on this phenomenon and how flirting is all about letting another person know that you "see" them. A lot of trees died for this, k? Anyway, Anita flirts with the guy and he's hooked because did you know Anita's like super hot but she doesn't know it and she's like a dude in a girl's body?
Anita meets with a woman who wants to bring her husband back but the twist is she wants to kill him, then bury him alive (since zombies don't die again until the animator tells them to do so). Anita says no. Then she goes back to the restaurant she and her boys went to previously and the waiter who thinks she's hot switches tables so he can wait on her. Thing is Anita doesn't really know how to flirt so... she's got him interested and he doesn't know he doesn't have a chance. Poor bastard.
Then a were appears and threatens her and then another appears and they threaten the waiter who doesn't know what's going on. Anita gets kidnapped and she's all, "crazy broad! I'm not bringing your husband back!" But it's not. It's the dude whose wife was a fur-fucker.
Turns out these dudes are werelions and not all that thrilled to have been thrown into a job that involves a Regina who is in heat and hasn't picked a Rex. The more powerful of the two, Jacob, tells her to stop trying to fuck them or else her boyfriends are going to get shot because the phone calls meant to keep them alive won't happen. Anita not have sex? Inconceivable!
I'm really cutting this down but you get the idea, right? Anyway, there comes a point when she's wounded the third dude, the phone calls have been made, and she's pretty sure that if she killed the dude who is bankrolling this job, her sweeties would be safe anyway. She's going to have to raise this zombie. Possibly. Maybe. Thing is, she acts like this is her only way out after telling us, repeatedly, that she could just kill the widower and it would all be over.
Instead she makes this big decision to use the ardeur to feed on Nicky (the second lion) which is fair enough. He was offered/offered himself. While she's doing this she realizes she can fuck him over and bind him to her FOREVER. She can do what she killed monsters for doing back in the better books. She becomes the monster she used to hunt but it's totally cool because it saves Jason, Nathaniel, and Micah. She can handle the trade of his freedom for their lives. It's cool.
THEN, when she raises an army of zombies and has them eat the dude, she puts the zombies down, walks away from Jacob who wants no part of this bullshit anymore, and says, "Look what followed me home!" Micah is all, "I know how hard it was for you to do this."
Which, because it's Micah, makes me gag but it's also said in front of the guy who has been bonded forever to someone who can't figure out that if you don't eat, you will die. And she doesn't act like it's a big thing. She makes a bigger deal about realizing that when she fed on Nicky, she could also feed on Jacob (since he turned N) and anyone else connected to this king. Really, Anita? What you took away from this experience was a new way to succumb to the dark side?
I swear, I threw the book down in disgust. How does LKH pass this off as Anita still being the hero?
I... *flails about* The hell?!
All that said, and there's more I may edit in later, the comic at the end is adorable and worth being read.