I'm choosing forever

[impy]

Fandom: BSC
Title: I'm Choosing Forever
Characters/Pairings: Kristy/Abby
Word Count: 1155
Notes: I don't particularly 'ship Kristy/Abby and I tend to find it pretty lazy when people do without reasons beyond "they both like sports, lol!" so... this is the fourth of fifth version of this. It's not my favorite of the bunches in all ways, but the computer hiccuped through my favorite version. :p
Part 1 of 2.

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You can do this.

You can do this.

You can do this.


  "You find us a table and I'll brave the crowd and get something to eat, ok?" she says before she turns, so sure of my answer that it never occurs to her that I might have different ideas. Which, when you stop and look at our history, is either pretty funny or flat out crazy. Years into our friendship and I'm still not quite sure which it is either.
  Come to think of it, it's also part of the problem at hand.
  I glance once over my shoulder to make sure the crowd hasn't swallowed her whole (fat chance of that. Feisty doesn't even begin to describe her.) and then I plunge into my half of the madness. Find a table she says, I mutter. Like it's so easy. Apparently everyone in town had the same idea to hit the Rosebud for some ice-cream. In February. So much for being unique, huh?
  I spot a busboy trying to politely push his way back towards the kitchen. He must be new since he's not just taking out anyone in his way. No one's really paying him any attention so I make a beeline for the table he's just bussed. To my left I see one of the senior football players has had the same idea and is heading for the same table. I smile to myself as I kick into high gear, twisting and turning around people in my effort to get to my table first.
  "Hey, watch it!" someone calls out but I ignore them.
  Get a table, she said. Get a table I will. A full minute before Football hits the table, I've already slid into the booth and propped my feet up on the opposite bench. "Too slow," I say with a cocky smile.
  He laughs but his girlfriend shoots me a look that could quite possibly kill. Or it would if I really gave a damn what went on in her mind.
  I turn my attention back to the crowd. There she is. Halfway through the line already. I'm impressed.


   I'm also killing time. If I can just distract myself long enough, I won't have time to think about my decision. Today is the day I either find the courage to tell her or I just get over it. I've been over this a million times and yet I keep thinking one million and one (or two... or three...) will be the magic number. But I can't keep this up much longer. Something has to give and lately I've begun to fear that the something will be me. Melodramatic, I know, but that's how it feels as I choke down the words I can't manage to say for fear of losing something I don't even have.
  "You never know. She might surprise you." I cling to those words even as I reject them out of hand. I've spent the last six months waiting for some sign that I'm not wasting my time, that the way I feel isn't some mistake and that if I could just grow up enough to talk to her, I'd find out that she felt the same way. But she's the same as always. We're friends and that's all we'll ever be.
  Wishing won't change what will never be.


   Wait. Does that count as a double-negative? Does this mean time one million and four really is the lucky number?


  I see a flash of red out of the corner of my eye and there she is, barreling through the crowd as best she can laden down with a tray containing way more than a simple dish of ice-cream.

  You can...'t do this.
  Today is the last day I pretend she'll ever love me the way I love her. Today is the day I smash what's left of my own heart and hope that I can find a way to put it back together without her noticing anything has changed. Because it has to, you know. It has to change. I can't go on mourning something that I never had.
  "Head's up!" she calls out seconds before sliding into the booth across from me. I stare at the pile of food before me. "I know you said you wanted ice-cream, but I got to thinking. You're always hungry, and I know that if I got myself some fries, you'd just steal half of them anyway. So I got you a burger and we'll split it."
  I glance at the lone milkshake on the tray.
  "You see how crazy it is in here? They ran out of chocolate ice-cream making this. So I thought we'd share." She shrugs and digs into the pile of cheese fries on the plate in front of her.
  I can't help but smile at the sight. She catches me looking at her and asks, "What? Do I have ketchup on my face or something?"
  "Nah, you're good," I say before standing up. "I... it's awfully crowded in here. I'm gonna go outside and get some air," I murmur. This hurts too much and this is just a normal Friday night for us. Before she says anything, I push my way through the thinning crowd toward the door.


  Outside the cold stings my face. Funny how being inside for just a few minutes made me forget how bitterly cold it was to begin with.
  "Hey! Wait up," I hear her calling out after me. I keep walking because the closer she is to me, the more I see a million different things I will never have. Tomorrow I'll be okay, or at least better than I am today. But tonight I have to say goodbye to all these possibilities or I'll be forever stuck here in limbo. Wanting more from her but too afraid to ever try. Too afraid to chance losing my best friend over the possibility of something more. Relationships don't last but friendship can be forever. I'm choosing forever, even if it's not exactly the way I want it.
  Her hand touches my shoulder and I flinch. "Abby! Are you alright?"
  I take a deep breath. You can do this. Forever.
  I lie. "I'm fine."
  Her brown eyes catch mine and for a moment I can hear Mary Anne's voice in my head. "You never know, Abby. She might surprise you." Oh, I want that to be true.
  Figure it out, I beg silently. Put the fragments of things I've said over the past year together and read between the lines. When have I ever been unable to articulate any given thought the moment it passes through my mind? Only when it's something that might hurt me past the point of immediate recovery. And the only thing I couldn't say to you is that I'm in love with you. Figure it out!
  And then the moment fades away. "You forgot your milkshake."

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Afterthought: My annoyance at how Abby and Kristy are always paired up not withstanding, this one pretty much popped into my head the second I read the prompts.
  I know, if I don't like it when people just lump A/K together without giving a good reason beyond "sports!", I should probably give a reason. Yeah. I don't have one, really. It's based on the bits of actual non-forced BSC friendship that pops up in the later books with the thought that when they grew up some, Abby and Kristy would actually be friends if they both chilled out a little. But how do you go from friends to more? Well, that's a story for another ficlet, isn't it?

They're in HS btw, and I'm pretty sure the bitchy cheerleader giving Abby the stink eye is Cokie.

Part 2 is coming later today.

Comments

[luxken27]

I like this! It's sort of the perfect storm of angst and insecurity that I think anybody goes through when they're antsy about changing a friendship. You go all the way up to the precipice and stare over it and hope like hell you have the courage to jump - but that's a huge leap to take when there's no hint that someone will be there to catch your fall.

I'm not the biggest Abby fan, but I like this little insight into her personality - from beating Mr. Football to the table to choking back sentiment to the racing thoughts in the cold air. I dunno - somehow, it fits.

I'm pretty sure the bitchy cheerleader giving Abby the stink eye is Cokie.

Ahahaha AWESOME.

[snarky-imp.livejournal.com]

Woo! I was worried since, like much of fandom... I don't really know Abby. She was after my time and all, and well, she didn't get the best of the series to develop and all. So I'm glad it fit. :)

And Cokie had to appear sometime. It's the law.
(wrong icon! wth, lj?)