The fire's slowly dying...
Dec. 13th, 2011 01:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impy I finished! I think. So, here's hoping it lives up to a few of my own expectations as well as ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
luxken27's. If not, someone spike the egg nog.
Fandom: SVH
Title: Merry Christmas, Lila
Characters/Pairings: Lila/Ken
Word Count: 6,242
Notes: Takes place after Summer Fling and after events referenced in SVH #56's flashbacks between Ken and Jessica. #56 states that Ken and Jessica were dating and starting to get serious around Homecoming, which is traditionally an autumn thing, so I figured that I had enough wiggle room here for Jess and Ken to have broken up and Lila to have sort of convinced herself she'd moved on, but obviously hadn't.
And no. You didn't miss anything between the two fics. Summer Fling is the beginning, the end is somewhere between there and here, and this is where we pick things up.
Lila hummed to herself as she picked through the carefully sorted Christmas ornaments the servants had pulled out for her. She picked up a deep purple star and held it up to the light. She and Jessica had picked them out when they were thirteen and still very much into being Unicorns. Lila had managed to convince her father that an all purple tree would be something so glamorous that it was bound to be photographed for a magazine. The fact that this had actually happened wasn't a surprise to Lila. She still had the pictures framed somewhere, although if she remembered correctly, Jessica had stepped forward at the last second and attempted to edge her out of the photo, which probably explained why it wasn't prominently displayed. Lila was in too good a mood to be annoyed at such an old transgression... today, anyway. Normally no one was better at holding a grudge than Lila Fowler.
This year was different. This year her father was going to actually stay home for Christmas as well as the whole week beforehand instead of spending the holidays hard at work, far away from home. It might not be his official gift to Lila, but it was better than anything he could have found in any store. She was still hoping for something substantial (that coat she had her eye on at Lisette's for one) of course, but even if the unthinkable happened and her father forgot to buy a single present, she would be happy just spending time with him.
She carefully placed a small glass unicorn on the tree. Fowler Crest was large enough to house quite a few trees, and Lila was content to let others decorate the ornamental trees, but she preferred to decorate the real tree as well as the one in her room herself. Jessica and Cara would help her with the latter when they came over later, but she wanted to take her time with the large tree.
Lila loved Christmas. Everything was winding down and yet instead of being sad that it was ending, everyone seemed energized by the prospect of a new year. Even people who had next to nothing could find something to be hopeful about. Granted, Lila had found that Christmas was almost always a letdown once it actually arrived, but when that happened she just turned her attention to planning the perfect New Year's Eve ball. That was the great thing about the holidays, when you ran out of them, the calendar flipped over to a new year entirely so there was always something to look forward to.
This year, she was forgoing her traditional Christmas party. She wanted to keep her father's attention all to herself and she knew that if they threw a party, she would never see him. Besides, weren't you supposed to share this time of year? It was rude to always host the best party in town. She'd let someone else take a stab at it this year.
That would be her gift to Jessica. Let her have this moment. That and an amazing pair of chandelier earrings she knew Jessica would love forever, which, given how flighty her best friend was, was saying something. "Let Cara try and compete with that," she thought smugly before she could stop herself. Cara was Jessica's other best friend. For awhile at the beginning of the school year Lila had been threatened by the pretty brunette with the gift of gossip, but it hadn't taken long to realize that so long as Cara remembered who had known Jessica longest they could all get along. Lila came first. It was as simple as that. It just didn't hurt to remind Jessica that Lila could provide certain things that Cara could not.
Of course, it wasn't really Cara Lila had to worry about. Jessica was busy dating Aaron Dallas again and the two were getting pretty close. Lila was pretty sure Jessica was just aiming for a really good Christmas gift but it was still annoying to be around someone who was paired up when she wasn't. Her gaze fell to her left wrist out of habit. A small silver chain encircled her delicate wrist. Not so long ago it held a heart with a K etched on the back... but that was before.
She wasn't going to think about that now. Now she was going to be happy. She had her father all to herself, she had a tree to decorate, and tomorrow she and her friends would begin to seriously plan this year's holiday party.
This year Christmas would be unforgettable.
"Daddy? What are you doing?" Lila asked, even though it was painfully obvious.
He flashed her a small smile. "Sorry, honey. Last minute emergency in New York. You know I'd rather be here with you, but business won't wait."
Lila felt her jaw drop open. "Are you kidding me?"
Her father's smile disappeared. "Lila, you know I don't appreciate that tone."
"And I don't appreciate you ditching me on Christmas Eve!" Lila shrieked. Normally she tried to appear as mature as possible around her father but this was too much. He'd promised!
"Oh, honey, we both know you were going to Jessica's little party anyway. You won't even know I'm gone," he said distractedly as he zipped up his suitcase.
"Daddy..."
"Hmm?" He didn't even look up as her voice wavered and broke.
Tears blurred her vision and all the words she longed to say gathered in her throat, choking her. Don't go. Stay with me, please? I'll skip Jessica's party, I'll return everything I've bought, everything you bought, I won't ask for anything just don't leave. Not at Christmas. Do you know how hard it is to pretend to be happy when there's no one to keep you company? When even the servants feel sorry for you? The servants! Anything, ask for anything, just don't go. Don't leave me alone.
"Did you say something, Lila?"
She blinked quickly until the tears disappeared. "Have a good trip, Daddy," she managed to whisper. He kissed her cheek and ducked out of the room, not for the first time leaving her alone.
"Merry Christmas."
Lights twinkled in the distance. Lila was pretty sure the neighbors had gone all out on their 'tasteful' Christmas display that always seemed larger than the previous year's monstrosity. Money could buy many things, but taste was simply not one of them. Of course, she doubted anyone else on their block was sitting alone in the dark staring out the window at the decorations.
Luckily there wasn't anyone around to witness her stunning moment of self pity. She'd sent all the servants home and with her father gone, it was just Lila and her misery. Yes it overly melodramatic but it was how she was feeling.
It just figured. Her father had no problem leaving her and hadn't even thought to offer to have her come along with him. She didn't mind traveling to New York on Christmas Eve. It wasn't like she wasn't missing Jessica's party anyway. She couldn't face her friends feeling this way. It would be too difficult to pretend to be happy and she wasn't feeling up to it. So she stayed home, turned all the lights off, and watched the neighbors send their electric bill into the stratosphere.
"I hate him," she whispered when the tears returned. She was too tired to hold them at bay any longer. Why didn't he care enough to stay? Why wasn't she more important to him? She was his daughter! Shouldn't she matter more than some stupid last minute 'business' meeting? Why wasn't she enough to keep him here?
The doorbell rang. Lila waited for someone to answer it before remembering she'd sent everyone home. With any luck whoever it was would go away. Probably some kids singing carols or something, she decided when the bell rang again. Everyone else was with their family or their friends. She wiped furiously at her cheeks, brushing the tears away. She couldn't do anything about her red eyes, but that was just another one of the perks of dim lighting.
She waited for the bell to ring again before peering through the peephole.
It couldn't...
Why?
Cautiously she opened the door. Sure enough, standing on her front porch was her ex-boyfriend. He still looked amazing and Lila's heart sped up just looking at him. His blond hair was just messy enough that she knew he'd been nervously running his hands through it. Funny how you came to notice such little things about someone and still remembered them after your heart was hollowed out after a breakup.
"Lila?"
She held her breath for a moment and then released it. "What do you want?" she asked flatly.
Ken flinched at how emotionless Lila sounded. He knew he was probably the last person she expected to see, but when he'd realized she wasn't at Jessica's party and no one knew where she was, he knew he had to check on her. Lila Fowler did not miss a party unless there was a damn good reason, and given the red eyes and the puffiness, he was pretty sure the reason wasn't a good one.
He actually had to cross his arms to keep from putting them around her in an attempt to comfort her. They weren't together anymore. They hadn't been since before Homecoming. He'd wanted it that way. And yet...
She was standing alone in her dark house and she looked so heartbroken that it hurt him not to be able to help her in some way.
"Lila..."
She took a step backwards. "No. You don't get to say my name like that anymore," she said.
"What?"
"Like you care," she spat out. "Like I matter to you."
Ken's blue eyes widened in shock. "Lila, of course you matter to me!"
"Right. Of course. That's why you broke up with me." The story she'd told all her friends was wildly different from the truth. She'd told them she'd grown tired of slumming it by dating a brainless, broke jock. In reality Ken had turned out to be more like her father than she'd ever thought. He'd had no problem tossing her aside when she was no longer useful to him. Her heart twisted painfully at the memory.
"Lila..."
"Don't. Just... don't," she whispered. Why was he even here? It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to know how much she missed him, how much she missed them... how much all of this hurt. And yet there he was, standing in her doorway when none of her actual friends had even called to see if she was okay.
The walls she'd struggled to rebuild after their break up crumbled as the tears overwhelmed her. She couldn't stop the sobs as they racked her body. It was Christmas and the only person who cared about her was the one person who'd thrown her away after promising never to do so.
Ken closed the distance between them and slipped his arms around Lila. For a minute he felt his breath catch in his throat. He'd forgotten the smell of her shampoo; he'd forgotten how perfectly they fit together. No. That wasn’t entirely true. He'd willed himself to forget all these things and more. But at that moment it didn't matter because Lila never cried. Lila never broke down and showed any emotion other than anger around someone she felt the need to impress and Lila wanted to impress everyone.
He ushered her into the house and closed the door behind them, then leaned against it as Lila leaned into him, her sobs still tearing him apart. He closed his eyes as he rocked her gently back and forth. She was so hard to figure out sometimes and then at others, she was painfully transparent.
"Why...," she whispered miserably.
"What is it, Lila?" he asked cautiously.
"Why am I not good enough?" she repeated miserably.
Whoa. That was a new one. Lila had her insecurities but not being good enough? That was a new one, he thought to himself. "What do you-?"
"First Mother left, and then Daddy has no problem leaving me, even on Christmas. Every year, you know, even when he's here, he doesn't want to be. He doesn't want me around and I'm his daughter," she continued on, and then she looked up at him, her big brown eyes swimming in tears but for the first time in a very long time there was no anger hiding in them. "And then you left. What's wrong with me that causes everyone I love to leave me?"
Wait.
Love?
Ken would have stumbled under the weight of the word if he hadn't already been leaning against something. The entire time they'd been together Lila had never said the word and was, in fact, part of why they broke up. Love?
Say something, stupid! But what could he say? How was he supposed to respond to something like that?
"It's not you, Lila," he found himself saying, still unsure of where to go with this.
She laughed bitterly. "Right, it's just the worst coincidence ever, right?"
"It's not you, Lila," he repeated a little more forcefully.
"But-"
"I don't know about your mother, but I know your father's a fool. He loves you, but he's a fool. And I didn't leave you. We just... broke up. But I am always here for you. Always."
"Breaking up with me is leaving me," she pointed out as she wiped her eyes.
"Then why am I here?"
Lila stopped at that. She still couldn't figure that out. "I don't know. Why are you?"
He smiled at her. "Because you're Lila Fowler. You never miss a party, especially not a party you helped plan."
She couldn't help but laugh a little at that. "That's true," she admitted.
"So I came by to make sure you were okay. And obviously you aren't."
Lila averted her eyes. She'd said a little too much already and didn't feel like adding to the mess she'd made.
"What happened, Li? You said something about your dad...?"
Lila turned away and started for the stairs. Wordlessly, Ken followed behind her. When she sat, he sat next to her, ignoring the momentary pang of awkwardness. He draped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. She might be his ex, but she was also his friend (even if she didn't realize it) and she was hurting.
Lila closed her eyes and pretended for a minute that everything was the way it had been over the summer. That she and Ken were still together, that things were still looking good… that she was still loved. With the warmth of that memory giving her strength, she began to speak. "Daddy left tonight for a business meeting in New York. Tonight. Christmas Eve, after he promised me that he'd spend this Christmas with me."
Ken's jaw clenched. He knew that somewhere deep down Lila's father loved her, but the man had a really lousy way of showing it. What kind of person willingly abandoned their only child on a major holiday without it being an emergency? George Fowler was important enough that if he'd wanted to, he could have insisted his daughter come along and she would have. They'd done it before; it was how Lila had managed to travel parts of Europe so extensively.
"I'm sorry, Lila," he said when the anger had subsided.
"Me too," she whispered. "I know it's silly, but I thought that this year would be different, you know? That we'd hang our stockings, have some cocoa, and in the morning we'd have a big breakfast and then open our presents. The stuff the Wakefields do every year," she added so softly he had to strain to hear her.
Ken knew how hard it was for Lila to see happy families together and that it was part of the reason she and Jessica fought so much. He also knew how much it cost her to admit it aloud. "Well, you can still do some of that," he said after awhile.
"How? In case you hadn't noticed, no one else is here, Ken," she said, unable to keep the bitter edge out of her voice.
"You might not know this, but in addition to being fantastically gifted at football, exceptionally easy on the eyes these days, and incredibly modest, I am also known far and wide as the best hot chocolate maker in the lower 48. Would be the entire country, you know, but those pesky Alaskans have mastered the art. I guess you've gotta have something to do up there to kill time between polar bear maulings."
Despite her mood, Lila found herself giggling. "Really? Modest? Kenny Matthews is many things, but modest?" she teased.
He flashed her a lopsided grin. "I notice you didn't argue with the other things."
"Of course not. The legend of your football prowess will live on forever, you are known for being nearly as good looking as I am, and... Well, I haven't had any cocoa yet, so maybe that one's a crock," she allowed.
"You dare insult my honor?"
Lila snickered. "I dare."
Ken grinned and helped her up off the stairs. "We'll just have to see about fixing that. The best cup o' cocoa you've ever had, coming right up... as soon as we find the kitchen in this place, that is."
Lila cupped her palms around the large mug of hot chocolate Ken had given her. The heat was giving her something to focus on other than the oddness of her ex-boyfriend sitting in her kitchen (a room that Lila wasn't entirely comfortable in herself) on Christmas Eve. "So... how was the party?" she asked finally.
Ken shrugged as he swallowed the last gulp of his drink. "It was a party. Girls in shiny dresses, guys trying not to drool too much..."
Lila rolled her eyes. Honestly, boys could be the worst storytellers. "But who was there? Did anything happen?"
Ken leaned back and closed his eyes for a minute, trying to remember the bits that would most interest Lila. "Well, Elizabeth spent the night mooning over Wilkins, Jessica and Aaron got into a fight when Jessica kissed Bruce under the mistletoe, Cara Walker spent half the night following Steven Wakefield around and the other half eying Bruce... Uh, Winston somehow managed to land in the punch bowl..."
"You miss one party, you miss everything," Lila moaned.
Ken took her hand in his own. "Not really, Li. It was all stuff that was bound to happen anyway, when you think about it."
Try as she might, she couldn't concentrate on anything beyond the feel of his hand on hers. "Right," she finally agreed absentmindedly. "Liz has had a thing for Todd forever."
Ken smiled. "Yeah. Only Todd doesn't seem to know."
"Not true," Lila objected.
"Oh yeah? Who else is that clueless?"
"Jessica," Lila smirked. "She's so sure that every guy in Sweet Valley would choose her over Liz that it's never occurred to her that maybe Liz might still like Todd." And just like that, Lila remembered who Ken had been killing time with when they broke up. Jessica. She pulled her hand away, wincing at the memory.
Ken's smile dimmed. He wasn't entirely sure what just happened, but mentioning Jessica seemed to shut Lila down again. This is why you do not date the best friend, he remembered Winston saying months ago. It just gets messy.
"Lila..."
She stared down at the cooling chocolate. She could sit here and fall into her funk again or she could realize that her ex-boyfriend left his most recent ex-girlfriend's party to come check up on her. There wasn't much Lila liked better than being able to one up Jessica. "What would you be doing if you were at home now?" she asked, changing the subject.
It took Ken a minute to process the additional change in Lila's attitude. "Uh, well... Probably hanging my stocking, I guess," he finally said after shooting a look at the clock.
"Somehow I don't think Daddy bothered to hang his," she said flatly.
"So? You could still hang yours," he said, warming to the idea. He'd meant it earlier when he'd offered her the best Christmas he could manage.
"I hate to break it to you, Ken, but there's no Santa," she reminded him.
"Lila!" he hissed. "Don't say that so loud, he might hear you. And then you'll get coal. You don't want coal, Lila. It'll get those pretty hands of yours all messy."
Lila rolled her eyes again, but this time she laughed as well. "Fine, let's find the stockings."
"Lila?"
"What?"
"With that attitude you'd make a terrible elf."
"So you decorated this entire tree by yourself?" Ken asked in awe. Lila's tree was huge, which wasn't surprising, but it was also gorgeously decorated. It looked like something right out of one of his mother’s magazines, only real.
Lila beamed. It was nice to know something she'd done was so well received. Her father was used to the tree and if Lila hadn't told him so every year, he'd just assume the servants did all the work. But the look on Ken's face was the perfect mix of surprise and amazement. "Mostly. I did have a little help getting the angel on top of the tree," she admitted.
"She's beautiful," Ken replied and she was. The angel was dress in blue robes with dark hair, holding a candle in both hands. Ken squinted and realized that the tree topper wasn't nearly as new as some of the other ornaments and she also bore a striking resemblance to Lila.
"She is," Lila agreed simply. "She was my mother's. Daddy used to say she looked just like Mother, so it's sort of like having her here at the holidays."
Ken nodded slowly. Interesting. There weren't any pictures of Lila's mother anywhere in Fowler Crest, but this might explain a few things about Lila's relationship with her father. He moved closer to her and before he could stop himself, slipped his arm around her waist. She rested her head on his shoulder and together they looked up at the angel atop Lila's tree. "You never cease to surprise me, Lila," he whispered.
Ken found himself in front of Lila's door once more that evening. "You sure you're okay?" he asked as he slipped his jacket on. He couldn't keep the worry from his voice. He was pretty sure the last few hours had mostly cheered her up, especially the last hour where they'd spent the time lying under Lila's tree, gazing up at the tree's lights, nestled among all the presents, content to just say whatever came to mind. But it was Christmas Eve (well, nearly Christmas day already) and she would be alone...
Lila smiled sleepily at him. "I'm fine. You should get home before your father realizes you're still out. You wouldn't want to get grounded for Christmas."
He nodded and nervously ran his hand through his hair. He still felt bad just leaving her here.
"You kind of need to open the door, you know," she offered, then reached around him and did so for him. He crossed the threshold and looked back at her. Her eyes were still a little red, and her hair was a bit mussed from their tree gazing, but she was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever known. She stood on tiptoe and before he realized what she was doing, she kissed him softly on the cheek. "Thank you, Ken."
The door shut behind him and he stood there, stunned for a minute.
"Merry Christmas, Lila."
Ken stared at the ceiling above his bed, struggling to fall asleep, though not for the same reason he used to as a kid on Christmas Eve. He could still hear Lila's voice crack on the word love as she said it without thinking. She loved him. She'd loved him then and she still loved him now. Why could she say it now and not then?
He'd spent so much time at the start of the school year wondering what to do, whether she actually wanted her freedom or was just unable to say the words he hoped she felt.
Now he knew.
For awhile he thought maybe the summer had made them feel things that they wouldn't have normally, so when his newfound looks gathered him attention from people not afraid to let him know exactly where he stood...
He'd dated Jessica and they'd had a lot of fun, but just as things started to turn serious, he found himself running away. It was too weird to go from Lila to Jessica and if he'd had a choice, he would have picked Lila, but by that point he was sure she wanted nothing more to do with him.
Only she had.
Love.
He could work with this. He just had to figure out how.
Lila snuggled down into her bed, surprisingly warm and happy for someone whose night had started so horribly. She didn't even mind that Ken knew she loved him. This was odd since normally Lila was very protective over pieces of information like that but the way he'd acted all night... could he feel the same way? Jessica had pretty much gone from Ken to Aaron with very little time in between. Lila struggled to remember what her best friend had said about her breakup. Something about Ken running out of gas the night of Homecoming and ditching her? But Jessica hadn't seemed all that upset about the breakup.
"It wasn't meant to be, Li. Some guys just aren't ready for a relationship," Jessica had said at the time. Lila remembered howling with laughter at that since Jessica was well known for her high turnover rate in the dating pool.
Ken wasn't ready.
He hadn't seriously dated anyone other than Jessica since his breakup with Lila. He hadn't dated anyone, serious or otherwise, since Jessica.
He'd taken every chance he could have possibly to be near her tonight.
And he had that look on his face again, the same one she'd noticed over the summer. He still looked at her like she was special in a way he'd never be able to convey.
Lila smiled happily to herself as she drifted off to sleep.
"I don't know, son..." Ken's father said hesitantly.
His mother elbowed her husband. "Ken, don't listen to your father. You go right ahead and invite your girlfriend over to spend Christmas with us," she said firmly.
Ken turned bright red. "She's not my girlfriend!"
Ken's father snorted. "Then why are we-oof!"
"Whatever you say, dear," his mother said with a serene smile as his father grumbled quietly to himself. "Now, you leave everything to me."
Oh, god, why did I agree to this? Lila found herself thinking for the thirty-seventh time that morning. Christmas with her ex-boyfriend's family? Pathetic and incredibly awkward. She looked around Ken's house for the first time since their breakup and felt even more out of place than she'd imagined. The tree in the living room was decorated within an inch of its life, although Lila did have to admit that it seemed cheerful. She peered at the base of the tree and noticed that there was an impressive pile of presents.
Oh no.
"You didn't open your presents yet?" Lila hissed to Ken as soon as he came back into the room.
"Of course not, honey. We wanted you to truly be a part of the day's festivities," Ken's mother answered cheerfully.
Lila managed to wipe the look of complete horror off her face before Mrs. Matthews appeared behind her son... carrying two plates heaped with food. Incredibly fattening food, Lila noted with rising panic. Cinnamon rolls, bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, toast...
"You didn't think we'd start without you, did you?" Ken asked, easily taking the plates from his mother. He gestured to the loveseat across from the tree. "You did say you wanted the big Christmas breakfast. Sit down and have some breakfast. It's kind of tradition to have our breakfast while we open our stockings," he added.
Lila followed him across the room and sat down gingerly, wondering if it was too late to run home. Ken handed her a plate and she decided it was definitely too late. She glanced at the food and noticed that most of it smelled... really good. The problem with being friends with someone who was a perfect size six was that it involved a lot of watching your weight. She looked over at Ken who was digging in and decided it wouldn't hurt too much to nibble a piece of bacon.
"Look what I've got!" Ken's mother called out as she sailed into the room with her husband in tow. She handed Lila...a stocking? Lila's stocking? "Santa must've known where you'd be spending the holiday," she said with a wink.
Lila accepted her stocking and looked over at Ken who grinned sheepishly at her. "Or, I guess I might've grabbed it this morning," he admitted.
Lila hummed along to the carol on the radio as Ken's family opened their presents. Ken's mother had smuggled in a few presents for Lila and while she wouldn't normally care much about a photo album or hair accessories not adorned with actual jewels, she did appreciate how much they seemed to be trying to include her. She didn't feel nearly as pathetic as she'd been afraid she would, although it was still a little awkward to sit in on someone else's holiday.
She looked up at the brightly decorated tree. It was also kind of nice, she decided.
"Lila?" Ken's voice broke into her reverie.
"Hmm?"
"Are you going to take your present now, or are we going to wait until the New Year?" Ken's father grumbled, although Lila noticed he was trying to hide a smile.
"Oh! Sorry, I thought...Oh," her voice trailed off as she accepted a small jewelry sized box from Ken. For a second when their hands touched she could swear there was an actual spark between them. They both pulled their hands back quickly. The tiny package was wrapped in gold paper and topped with a purple ribbon. She carefully untied the ribbon and then retied it in her hair, earning a cheer from Mrs. Matthews. Lila was too intent on the actual present to do more than look up and flash a quick smile as Mr. Matthews took a picture.
Nestled in the small box was a simple silver locket. Carefully she pried it open to find a picture someone had taken at the end of the summer at one of the numerous beach bashes held before school started up again. Lila was leaning back against Ken, her eyes closed and a look of complete happiness on her face, while Ken gazed down at her with a look of complete wonder on his face.
Ken cleared his throat and Lila looked up at him. "I... wasn't sure whether you'd want it. But..."
"I love it," she said honestly, blinking back the tears that had formed when she'd seen her gift.
"Are you sure? Because I could-"
"Weren't you listening, son? She said she loves it," Ken's father cut him off. "Don't talk her out of it!"
The spell was broken as everyone started to laugh, although Lila found that her laugh was a bit more forced than it would have been earlier. Did this mean that Ken was still interested or had he picked it out before they'd broken up? And if so, wow. He'd been planning for Christmas before they'd broken up?
"So, who wants to help make cookies? How about you, Lila?" Mrs. Matthews asked and then didn't bother to wait for an answer as she pulled Lila into the kitchen with the sound of Ken's surprised laughter following them.
"Did you have more fun than you thought you would?" Ken asked.
"Of course I had fun!"
"But you didn't think you would, did you? Be honest. I saw how nervous you were this morning. I don't think I've ever seen you that pale before," Ken pointed out.
"Well, wouldn't you be nervous if you were spending Christmas day at my house with my father?" she retorted.
"Fair enough. And we're here," he said, gesturing to the display before them. After dinner, Ken had suggested a walk to get some time alone with her without his parents hovering around either making sarcastic comments (his father) or trying a little too hard to involve Lila in every little detail of a real Matthews Family Christmas (his mother). Lila had agreed only after he promised the walk wasn't too long and that there was a destination in mind. She wasn't great at mindless exercise, even if it got her away from helicopter parents.
Every place had one house that overdid it with the holiday decorations. And most had a house that went a little bit nuts with the lights alone, but Ken's neighborhood was home to the one house that somehow managed to get it just right. Instead of being gaudy or too showy or just simply too much, the display before them was so beautiful that it took Lila's breath away.
"Well?" Ken prompted after a few minutes of absolute silence. He'd been so sure Lila would love it, but maybe he'd been wrong? It wouldn't be the first time. What if she hated it?
"It's amazing," she answered slowly. "Whose house is this? Does everyone know about this? Am I the only one in Sweet Valley who didn't know?"
Ken's worries melted away as she pelted him with rapid-fire questions. "No idea, no, and I doubt it."
Lila arched one perfect brown eyebrow. "Huh?"
"I have no idea who lives here. I don't even want to know. Somehow I think knowing would kill the magic, you know?" he explained.
Lila nodded thoughtfully. It went against her every instinct as a bit of a gossip, but sometimes knowing everything really wasn't worth all the trouble.
"As to your other questions, I don't know who else knows about this place other than the people on this street. And my family, and now you."
Lila pretended to still be examining the lights twinkling softly, but she was really watching Ken. He looked so relaxed, so peaceful... so happy. And he made her feel the same way, if you ignored the jittery ball of nerves that went along with waiting to see if he'd ever get around to making a move. Maybe she'd been reading the signs all wrong. Maybe this was just him being a friend.
"Wait a minute," she thought. "You are Lila Fowler. You don't have to wait for him to do anything. He'd be damn lucky if you took him back after the way things ended before." Before she could talk herself out of it, she found herself saying, "Ken?"
"Hmm?" as he started to turn her way, Lila closed the distance between them and kissed him softly. For a second he was too stunned to react and then his brain kicked in.
She's kissing you. Lila is kissing you again. Do something!
He didn't need to be told again, so he kissed her back. He slid his arms around her, pulling her as close as he possibly could. For the first time in his life, he was truly grateful to not live somewhere where snow was a possibility. It was torture enough having their lightest jackets between them, let alone big, bulky puffy coats. Her hands slid up his back and came to rest lightly on the back of his neck while his encircled her waist. God, he'd missed this, the way they fit together, the way everything else in the world fell away when they were together.
It ended all too soon.
"Lila?" he asked when he reluctantly pulled away.
She looked up at him and smiled. "I miss you, Ken," she said simply, more than a little dizzy from the combination of the intensity of their kiss and the way she was afraid, for just a moment, that he was going to say this was a bad idea. Still, she had to try. Holding back hadn't done her any favors before.
He looked at her, at the way the lights seemed to make her glow in the fading sunlight... or maybe it was just that she finally seemed to be happy again. "I love you, too." He leaned in close and whispered, "Merry Christmas, Lila," before kissing her, sure that this time was for keeps.
Now. Where's my nog?
luxken27's. If not, someone spike the egg nog.Fandom: SVH
Title: Merry Christmas, Lila
Characters/Pairings: Lila/Ken
Word Count: 6,242
Notes: Takes place after Summer Fling and after events referenced in SVH #56's flashbacks between Ken and Jessica. #56 states that Ken and Jessica were dating and starting to get serious around Homecoming, which is traditionally an autumn thing, so I figured that I had enough wiggle room here for Jess and Ken to have broken up and Lila to have sort of convinced herself she'd moved on, but obviously hadn't.
And no. You didn't miss anything between the two fics. Summer Fling is the beginning, the end is somewhere between there and here, and this is where we pick things up.
You'd better not pout, I'm tellin' you...
Lila hummed to herself as she picked through the carefully sorted Christmas ornaments the servants had pulled out for her. She picked up a deep purple star and held it up to the light. She and Jessica had picked them out when they were thirteen and still very much into being Unicorns. Lila had managed to convince her father that an all purple tree would be something so glamorous that it was bound to be photographed for a magazine. The fact that this had actually happened wasn't a surprise to Lila. She still had the pictures framed somewhere, although if she remembered correctly, Jessica had stepped forward at the last second and attempted to edge her out of the photo, which probably explained why it wasn't prominently displayed. Lila was in too good a mood to be annoyed at such an old transgression... today, anyway. Normally no one was better at holding a grudge than Lila Fowler.
This year was different. This year her father was going to actually stay home for Christmas as well as the whole week beforehand instead of spending the holidays hard at work, far away from home. It might not be his official gift to Lila, but it was better than anything he could have found in any store. She was still hoping for something substantial (that coat she had her eye on at Lisette's for one) of course, but even if the unthinkable happened and her father forgot to buy a single present, she would be happy just spending time with him.
She carefully placed a small glass unicorn on the tree. Fowler Crest was large enough to house quite a few trees, and Lila was content to let others decorate the ornamental trees, but she preferred to decorate the real tree as well as the one in her room herself. Jessica and Cara would help her with the latter when they came over later, but she wanted to take her time with the large tree.
Lila loved Christmas. Everything was winding down and yet instead of being sad that it was ending, everyone seemed energized by the prospect of a new year. Even people who had next to nothing could find something to be hopeful about. Granted, Lila had found that Christmas was almost always a letdown once it actually arrived, but when that happened she just turned her attention to planning the perfect New Year's Eve ball. That was the great thing about the holidays, when you ran out of them, the calendar flipped over to a new year entirely so there was always something to look forward to.
This year, she was forgoing her traditional Christmas party. She wanted to keep her father's attention all to herself and she knew that if they threw a party, she would never see him. Besides, weren't you supposed to share this time of year? It was rude to always host the best party in town. She'd let someone else take a stab at it this year.
That would be her gift to Jessica. Let her have this moment. That and an amazing pair of chandelier earrings she knew Jessica would love forever, which, given how flighty her best friend was, was saying something. "Let Cara try and compete with that," she thought smugly before she could stop herself. Cara was Jessica's other best friend. For awhile at the beginning of the school year Lila had been threatened by the pretty brunette with the gift of gossip, but it hadn't taken long to realize that so long as Cara remembered who had known Jessica longest they could all get along. Lila came first. It was as simple as that. It just didn't hurt to remind Jessica that Lila could provide certain things that Cara could not.
This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special…
Of course, it wasn't really Cara Lila had to worry about. Jessica was busy dating Aaron Dallas again and the two were getting pretty close. Lila was pretty sure Jessica was just aiming for a really good Christmas gift but it was still annoying to be around someone who was paired up when she wasn't. Her gaze fell to her left wrist out of habit. A small silver chain encircled her delicate wrist. Not so long ago it held a heart with a K etched on the back... but that was before.
She wasn't going to think about that now. Now she was going to be happy. She had her father all to herself, she had a tree to decorate, and tomorrow she and her friends would begin to seriously plan this year's holiday party.
This year Christmas would be unforgettable.
I'll be home for Christmas...
"Daddy? What are you doing?" Lila asked, even though it was painfully obvious.
He flashed her a small smile. "Sorry, honey. Last minute emergency in New York. You know I'd rather be here with you, but business won't wait."
Lila felt her jaw drop open. "Are you kidding me?"
Her father's smile disappeared. "Lila, you know I don't appreciate that tone."
"And I don't appreciate you ditching me on Christmas Eve!" Lila shrieked. Normally she tried to appear as mature as possible around her father but this was too much. He'd promised!
"Oh, honey, we both know you were going to Jessica's little party anyway. You won't even know I'm gone," he said distractedly as he zipped up his suitcase.
"Daddy..."
"Hmm?" He didn't even look up as her voice wavered and broke.
Tears blurred her vision and all the words she longed to say gathered in her throat, choking her. Don't go. Stay with me, please? I'll skip Jessica's party, I'll return everything I've bought, everything you bought, I won't ask for anything just don't leave. Not at Christmas. Do you know how hard it is to pretend to be happy when there's no one to keep you company? When even the servants feel sorry for you? The servants! Anything, ask for anything, just don't go. Don't leave me alone.
"Did you say something, Lila?"
She blinked quickly until the tears disappeared. "Have a good trip, Daddy," she managed to whisper. He kissed her cheek and ducked out of the room, not for the first time leaving her alone.
"Merry Christmas."
Think of my lifelong sorrow...
Lights twinkled in the distance. Lila was pretty sure the neighbors had gone all out on their 'tasteful' Christmas display that always seemed larger than the previous year's monstrosity. Money could buy many things, but taste was simply not one of them. Of course, she doubted anyone else on their block was sitting alone in the dark staring out the window at the decorations.
Luckily there wasn't anyone around to witness her stunning moment of self pity. She'd sent all the servants home and with her father gone, it was just Lila and her misery. Yes it overly melodramatic but it was how she was feeling.
It just figured. Her father had no problem leaving her and hadn't even thought to offer to have her come along with him. She didn't mind traveling to New York on Christmas Eve. It wasn't like she wasn't missing Jessica's party anyway. She couldn't face her friends feeling this way. It would be too difficult to pretend to be happy and she wasn't feeling up to it. So she stayed home, turned all the lights off, and watched the neighbors send their electric bill into the stratosphere.
"I hate him," she whispered when the tears returned. She was too tired to hold them at bay any longer. Why didn't he care enough to stay? Why wasn't she more important to him? She was his daughter! Shouldn't she matter more than some stupid last minute 'business' meeting? Why wasn't she enough to keep him here?
The doorbell rang. Lila waited for someone to answer it before remembering she'd sent everyone home. With any luck whoever it was would go away. Probably some kids singing carols or something, she decided when the bell rang again. Everyone else was with their family or their friends. She wiped furiously at her cheeks, brushing the tears away. She couldn't do anything about her red eyes, but that was just another one of the perks of dim lighting.
She waited for the bell to ring again before peering through the peephole.
It couldn't...
Why?
Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more...
Cautiously she opened the door. Sure enough, standing on her front porch was her ex-boyfriend. He still looked amazing and Lila's heart sped up just looking at him. His blond hair was just messy enough that she knew he'd been nervously running his hands through it. Funny how you came to notice such little things about someone and still remembered them after your heart was hollowed out after a breakup.
"Lila?"
She held her breath for a moment and then released it. "What do you want?" she asked flatly.
Ken flinched at how emotionless Lila sounded. He knew he was probably the last person she expected to see, but when he'd realized she wasn't at Jessica's party and no one knew where she was, he knew he had to check on her. Lila Fowler did not miss a party unless there was a damn good reason, and given the red eyes and the puffiness, he was pretty sure the reason wasn't a good one.
He actually had to cross his arms to keep from putting them around her in an attempt to comfort her. They weren't together anymore. They hadn't been since before Homecoming. He'd wanted it that way. And yet...
She was standing alone in her dark house and she looked so heartbroken that it hurt him not to be able to help her in some way.
"Lila..."
She took a step backwards. "No. You don't get to say my name like that anymore," she said.
"What?"
"Like you care," she spat out. "Like I matter to you."
Ken's blue eyes widened in shock. "Lila, of course you matter to me!"
"Right. Of course. That's why you broke up with me." The story she'd told all her friends was wildly different from the truth. She'd told them she'd grown tired of slumming it by dating a brainless, broke jock. In reality Ken had turned out to be more like her father than she'd ever thought. He'd had no problem tossing her aside when she was no longer useful to him. Her heart twisted painfully at the memory.
"Lila..."
"Don't. Just... don't," she whispered. Why was he even here? It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to know how much she missed him, how much she missed them... how much all of this hurt. And yet there he was, standing in her doorway when none of her actual friends had even called to see if she was okay.
The walls she'd struggled to rebuild after their break up crumbled as the tears overwhelmed her. She couldn't stop the sobs as they racked her body. It was Christmas and the only person who cared about her was the one person who'd thrown her away after promising never to do so.
Ken closed the distance between them and slipped his arms around Lila. For a minute he felt his breath catch in his throat. He'd forgotten the smell of her shampoo; he'd forgotten how perfectly they fit together. No. That wasn’t entirely true. He'd willed himself to forget all these things and more. But at that moment it didn't matter because Lila never cried. Lila never broke down and showed any emotion other than anger around someone she felt the need to impress and Lila wanted to impress everyone.
He ushered her into the house and closed the door behind them, then leaned against it as Lila leaned into him, her sobs still tearing him apart. He closed his eyes as he rocked her gently back and forth. She was so hard to figure out sometimes and then at others, she was painfully transparent.
"Why...," she whispered miserably.
"What is it, Lila?" he asked cautiously.
"Why am I not good enough?" she repeated miserably.
Whoa. That was a new one. Lila had her insecurities but not being good enough? That was a new one, he thought to himself. "What do you-?"
"First Mother left, and then Daddy has no problem leaving me, even on Christmas. Every year, you know, even when he's here, he doesn't want to be. He doesn't want me around and I'm his daughter," she continued on, and then she looked up at him, her big brown eyes swimming in tears but for the first time in a very long time there was no anger hiding in them. "And then you left. What's wrong with me that causes everyone I love to leave me?"
Wait.
Love?
Ken would have stumbled under the weight of the word if he hadn't already been leaning against something. The entire time they'd been together Lila had never said the word and was, in fact, part of why they broke up. Love?
Say something, stupid! But what could he say? How was he supposed to respond to something like that?
"It's not you, Lila," he found himself saying, still unsure of where to go with this.
She laughed bitterly. "Right, it's just the worst coincidence ever, right?"
"It's not you, Lila," he repeated a little more forcefully.
"But-"
"I don't know about your mother, but I know your father's a fool. He loves you, but he's a fool. And I didn't leave you. We just... broke up. But I am always here for you. Always."
"Breaking up with me is leaving me," she pointed out as she wiped her eyes.
"Then why am I here?"
Lila stopped at that. She still couldn't figure that out. "I don't know. Why are you?"
He smiled at her. "Because you're Lila Fowler. You never miss a party, especially not a party you helped plan."
She couldn't help but laugh a little at that. "That's true," she admitted.
"So I came by to make sure you were okay. And obviously you aren't."
Lila averted her eyes. She'd said a little too much already and didn't feel like adding to the mess she'd made.
"What happened, Li? You said something about your dad...?"
Lila turned away and started for the stairs. Wordlessly, Ken followed behind her. When she sat, he sat next to her, ignoring the momentary pang of awkwardness. He draped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. She might be his ex, but she was also his friend (even if she didn't realize it) and she was hurting.
Lila closed her eyes and pretended for a minute that everything was the way it had been over the summer. That she and Ken were still together, that things were still looking good… that she was still loved. With the warmth of that memory giving her strength, she began to speak. "Daddy left tonight for a business meeting in New York. Tonight. Christmas Eve, after he promised me that he'd spend this Christmas with me."
Ken's jaw clenched. He knew that somewhere deep down Lila's father loved her, but the man had a really lousy way of showing it. What kind of person willingly abandoned their only child on a major holiday without it being an emergency? George Fowler was important enough that if he'd wanted to, he could have insisted his daughter come along and she would have. They'd done it before; it was how Lila had managed to travel parts of Europe so extensively.
"I'm sorry, Lila," he said when the anger had subsided.
"Me too," she whispered. "I know it's silly, but I thought that this year would be different, you know? That we'd hang our stockings, have some cocoa, and in the morning we'd have a big breakfast and then open our presents. The stuff the Wakefields do every year," she added so softly he had to strain to hear her.
Ken knew how hard it was for Lila to see happy families together and that it was part of the reason she and Jessica fought so much. He also knew how much it cost her to admit it aloud. "Well, you can still do some of that," he said after awhile.
"How? In case you hadn't noticed, no one else is here, Ken," she said, unable to keep the bitter edge out of her voice.
"You might not know this, but in addition to being fantastically gifted at football, exceptionally easy on the eyes these days, and incredibly modest, I am also known far and wide as the best hot chocolate maker in the lower 48. Would be the entire country, you know, but those pesky Alaskans have mastered the art. I guess you've gotta have something to do up there to kill time between polar bear maulings."
Despite her mood, Lila found herself giggling. "Really? Modest? Kenny Matthews is many things, but modest?" she teased.
He flashed her a lopsided grin. "I notice you didn't argue with the other things."
"Of course not. The legend of your football prowess will live on forever, you are known for being nearly as good looking as I am, and... Well, I haven't had any cocoa yet, so maybe that one's a crock," she allowed.
"You dare insult my honor?"
Lila snickered. "I dare."
Ken grinned and helped her up off the stairs. "We'll just have to see about fixing that. The best cup o' cocoa you've ever had, coming right up... as soon as we find the kitchen in this place, that is."
With their eyes all aglow...
Lila cupped her palms around the large mug of hot chocolate Ken had given her. The heat was giving her something to focus on other than the oddness of her ex-boyfriend sitting in her kitchen (a room that Lila wasn't entirely comfortable in herself) on Christmas Eve. "So... how was the party?" she asked finally.
Ken shrugged as he swallowed the last gulp of his drink. "It was a party. Girls in shiny dresses, guys trying not to drool too much..."
Lila rolled her eyes. Honestly, boys could be the worst storytellers. "But who was there? Did anything happen?"
Ken leaned back and closed his eyes for a minute, trying to remember the bits that would most interest Lila. "Well, Elizabeth spent the night mooning over Wilkins, Jessica and Aaron got into a fight when Jessica kissed Bruce under the mistletoe, Cara Walker spent half the night following Steven Wakefield around and the other half eying Bruce... Uh, Winston somehow managed to land in the punch bowl..."
"You miss one party, you miss everything," Lila moaned.
Ken took her hand in his own. "Not really, Li. It was all stuff that was bound to happen anyway, when you think about it."
Try as she might, she couldn't concentrate on anything beyond the feel of his hand on hers. "Right," she finally agreed absentmindedly. "Liz has had a thing for Todd forever."
Ken smiled. "Yeah. Only Todd doesn't seem to know."
"Not true," Lila objected.
"Oh yeah? Who else is that clueless?"
"Jessica," Lila smirked. "She's so sure that every guy in Sweet Valley would choose her over Liz that it's never occurred to her that maybe Liz might still like Todd." And just like that, Lila remembered who Ken had been killing time with when they broke up. Jessica. She pulled her hand away, wincing at the memory.
Ken's smile dimmed. He wasn't entirely sure what just happened, but mentioning Jessica seemed to shut Lila down again. This is why you do not date the best friend, he remembered Winston saying months ago. It just gets messy.
"Lila..."
She stared down at the cooling chocolate. She could sit here and fall into her funk again or she could realize that her ex-boyfriend left his most recent ex-girlfriend's party to come check up on her. There wasn't much Lila liked better than being able to one up Jessica. "What would you be doing if you were at home now?" she asked, changing the subject.
It took Ken a minute to process the additional change in Lila's attitude. "Uh, well... Probably hanging my stocking, I guess," he finally said after shooting a look at the clock.
"Somehow I don't think Daddy bothered to hang his," she said flatly.
"So? You could still hang yours," he said, warming to the idea. He'd meant it earlier when he'd offered her the best Christmas he could manage.
"I hate to break it to you, Ken, but there's no Santa," she reminded him.
"Lila!" he hissed. "Don't say that so loud, he might hear you. And then you'll get coal. You don't want coal, Lila. It'll get those pretty hands of yours all messy."
Lila rolled her eyes again, but this time she laughed as well. "Fine, let's find the stockings."
"Lila?"
"What?"
"With that attitude you'd make a terrible elf."
since we've no place to go
"So you decorated this entire tree by yourself?" Ken asked in awe. Lila's tree was huge, which wasn't surprising, but it was also gorgeously decorated. It looked like something right out of one of his mother’s magazines, only real.
Lila beamed. It was nice to know something she'd done was so well received. Her father was used to the tree and if Lila hadn't told him so every year, he'd just assume the servants did all the work. But the look on Ken's face was the perfect mix of surprise and amazement. "Mostly. I did have a little help getting the angel on top of the tree," she admitted.
"She's beautiful," Ken replied and she was. The angel was dress in blue robes with dark hair, holding a candle in both hands. Ken squinted and realized that the tree topper wasn't nearly as new as some of the other ornaments and she also bore a striking resemblance to Lila.
"She is," Lila agreed simply. "She was my mother's. Daddy used to say she looked just like Mother, so it's sort of like having her here at the holidays."
Ken nodded slowly. Interesting. There weren't any pictures of Lila's mother anywhere in Fowler Crest, but this might explain a few things about Lila's relationship with her father. He moved closer to her and before he could stop himself, slipped his arm around her waist. She rested her head on his shoulder and together they looked up at the angel atop Lila's tree. "You never cease to surprise me, Lila," he whispered.
Somebody waits for you, kiss her once for me
Ken found himself in front of Lila's door once more that evening. "You sure you're okay?" he asked as he slipped his jacket on. He couldn't keep the worry from his voice. He was pretty sure the last few hours had mostly cheered her up, especially the last hour where they'd spent the time lying under Lila's tree, gazing up at the tree's lights, nestled among all the presents, content to just say whatever came to mind. But it was Christmas Eve (well, nearly Christmas day already) and she would be alone...
Lila smiled sleepily at him. "I'm fine. You should get home before your father realizes you're still out. You wouldn't want to get grounded for Christmas."
He nodded and nervously ran his hand through his hair. He still felt bad just leaving her here.
"You kind of need to open the door, you know," she offered, then reached around him and did so for him. He crossed the threshold and looked back at her. Her eyes were still a little red, and her hair was a bit mussed from their tree gazing, but she was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever known. She stood on tiptoe and before he realized what she was doing, she kissed him softly on the cheek. "Thank you, Ken."
The door shut behind him and he stood there, stunned for a minute.
"Merry Christmas, Lila."
Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads
Ken stared at the ceiling above his bed, struggling to fall asleep, though not for the same reason he used to as a kid on Christmas Eve. He could still hear Lila's voice crack on the word love as she said it without thinking. She loved him. She'd loved him then and she still loved him now. Why could she say it now and not then?
He'd spent so much time at the start of the school year wondering what to do, whether she actually wanted her freedom or was just unable to say the words he hoped she felt.
Now he knew.
For awhile he thought maybe the summer had made them feel things that they wouldn't have normally, so when his newfound looks gathered him attention from people not afraid to let him know exactly where he stood...
He'd dated Jessica and they'd had a lot of fun, but just as things started to turn serious, he found himself running away. It was too weird to go from Lila to Jessica and if he'd had a choice, he would have picked Lila, but by that point he was sure she wanted nothing more to do with him.
Only she had.
Love.
He could work with this. He just had to figure out how.
Christmas Eve will find me where the love light gleams
Lila snuggled down into her bed, surprisingly warm and happy for someone whose night had started so horribly. She didn't even mind that Ken knew she loved him. This was odd since normally Lila was very protective over pieces of information like that but the way he'd acted all night... could he feel the same way? Jessica had pretty much gone from Ken to Aaron with very little time in between. Lila struggled to remember what her best friend had said about her breakup. Something about Ken running out of gas the night of Homecoming and ditching her? But Jessica hadn't seemed all that upset about the breakup.
"It wasn't meant to be, Li. Some guys just aren't ready for a relationship," Jessica had said at the time. Lila remembered howling with laughter at that since Jessica was well known for her high turnover rate in the dating pool.
Ken wasn't ready.
He hadn't seriously dated anyone other than Jessica since his breakup with Lila. He hadn't dated anyone, serious or otherwise, since Jessica.
He'd taken every chance he could have possibly to be near her tonight.
And he had that look on his face again, the same one she'd noticed over the summer. He still looked at her like she was special in a way he'd never be able to convey.
Lila smiled happily to herself as she drifted off to sleep.
Please have snow... and mistletoe
"I don't know, son..." Ken's father said hesitantly.
His mother elbowed her husband. "Ken, don't listen to your father. You go right ahead and invite your girlfriend over to spend Christmas with us," she said firmly.
Ken turned bright red. "She's not my girlfriend!"
Ken's father snorted. "Then why are we-oof!"
"Whatever you say, dear," his mother said with a serene smile as his father grumbled quietly to himself. "Now, you leave everything to me."
before my spirits fall again
Oh, god, why did I agree to this? Lila found herself thinking for the thirty-seventh time that morning. Christmas with her ex-boyfriend's family? Pathetic and incredibly awkward. She looked around Ken's house for the first time since their breakup and felt even more out of place than she'd imagined. The tree in the living room was decorated within an inch of its life, although Lila did have to admit that it seemed cheerful. She peered at the base of the tree and noticed that there was an impressive pile of presents.
Oh no.
"You didn't open your presents yet?" Lila hissed to Ken as soon as he came back into the room.
"Of course not, honey. We wanted you to truly be a part of the day's festivities," Ken's mother answered cheerfully.
Lila managed to wipe the look of complete horror off her face before Mrs. Matthews appeared behind her son... carrying two plates heaped with food. Incredibly fattening food, Lila noted with rising panic. Cinnamon rolls, bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, toast...
"You didn't think we'd start without you, did you?" Ken asked, easily taking the plates from his mother. He gestured to the loveseat across from the tree. "You did say you wanted the big Christmas breakfast. Sit down and have some breakfast. It's kind of tradition to have our breakfast while we open our stockings," he added.
Lila followed him across the room and sat down gingerly, wondering if it was too late to run home. Ken handed her a plate and she decided it was definitely too late. She glanced at the food and noticed that most of it smelled... really good. The problem with being friends with someone who was a perfect size six was that it involved a lot of watching your weight. She looked over at Ken who was digging in and decided it wouldn't hurt too much to nibble a piece of bacon.
"Look what I've got!" Ken's mother called out as she sailed into the room with her husband in tow. She handed Lila...a stocking? Lila's stocking? "Santa must've known where you'd be spending the holiday," she said with a wink.
Lila accepted her stocking and looked over at Ken who grinned sheepishly at her. "Or, I guess I might've grabbed it this morning," he admitted.
Our finest gifts we bring
Lila hummed along to the carol on the radio as Ken's family opened their presents. Ken's mother had smuggled in a few presents for Lila and while she wouldn't normally care much about a photo album or hair accessories not adorned with actual jewels, she did appreciate how much they seemed to be trying to include her. She didn't feel nearly as pathetic as she'd been afraid she would, although it was still a little awkward to sit in on someone else's holiday.
She looked up at the brightly decorated tree. It was also kind of nice, she decided.
"Lila?" Ken's voice broke into her reverie.
"Hmm?"
"Are you going to take your present now, or are we going to wait until the New Year?" Ken's father grumbled, although Lila noticed he was trying to hide a smile.
"Oh! Sorry, I thought...Oh," her voice trailed off as she accepted a small jewelry sized box from Ken. For a second when their hands touched she could swear there was an actual spark between them. They both pulled their hands back quickly. The tiny package was wrapped in gold paper and topped with a purple ribbon. She carefully untied the ribbon and then retied it in her hair, earning a cheer from Mrs. Matthews. Lila was too intent on the actual present to do more than look up and flash a quick smile as Mr. Matthews took a picture.
Nestled in the small box was a simple silver locket. Carefully she pried it open to find a picture someone had taken at the end of the summer at one of the numerous beach bashes held before school started up again. Lila was leaning back against Ken, her eyes closed and a look of complete happiness on her face, while Ken gazed down at her with a look of complete wonder on his face.
Ken cleared his throat and Lila looked up at him. "I... wasn't sure whether you'd want it. But..."
"I love it," she said honestly, blinking back the tears that had formed when she'd seen her gift.
"Are you sure? Because I could-"
"Weren't you listening, son? She said she loves it," Ken's father cut him off. "Don't talk her out of it!"
The spell was broken as everyone started to laugh, although Lila found that her laugh was a bit more forced than it would have been earlier. Did this mean that Ken was still interested or had he picked it out before they'd broken up? And if so, wow. He'd been planning for Christmas before they'd broken up?
"So, who wants to help make cookies? How about you, Lila?" Mrs. Matthews asked and then didn't bother to wait for an answer as she pulled Lila into the kitchen with the sound of Ken's surprised laughter following them.
Take a walk with your favorite girl
"Did you have more fun than you thought you would?" Ken asked.
"Of course I had fun!"
"But you didn't think you would, did you? Be honest. I saw how nervous you were this morning. I don't think I've ever seen you that pale before," Ken pointed out.
"Well, wouldn't you be nervous if you were spending Christmas day at my house with my father?" she retorted.
"Fair enough. And we're here," he said, gesturing to the display before them. After dinner, Ken had suggested a walk to get some time alone with her without his parents hovering around either making sarcastic comments (his father) or trying a little too hard to involve Lila in every little detail of a real Matthews Family Christmas (his mother). Lila had agreed only after he promised the walk wasn't too long and that there was a destination in mind. She wasn't great at mindless exercise, even if it got her away from helicopter parents.
Every place had one house that overdid it with the holiday decorations. And most had a house that went a little bit nuts with the lights alone, but Ken's neighborhood was home to the one house that somehow managed to get it just right. Instead of being gaudy or too showy or just simply too much, the display before them was so beautiful that it took Lila's breath away.
"Well?" Ken prompted after a few minutes of absolute silence. He'd been so sure Lila would love it, but maybe he'd been wrong? It wouldn't be the first time. What if she hated it?
"It's amazing," she answered slowly. "Whose house is this? Does everyone know about this? Am I the only one in Sweet Valley who didn't know?"
Ken's worries melted away as she pelted him with rapid-fire questions. "No idea, no, and I doubt it."
Lila arched one perfect brown eyebrow. "Huh?"
"I have no idea who lives here. I don't even want to know. Somehow I think knowing would kill the magic, you know?" he explained.
Lila nodded thoughtfully. It went against her every instinct as a bit of a gossip, but sometimes knowing everything really wasn't worth all the trouble.
"As to your other questions, I don't know who else knows about this place other than the people on this street. And my family, and now you."
Lila pretended to still be examining the lights twinkling softly, but she was really watching Ken. He looked so relaxed, so peaceful... so happy. And he made her feel the same way, if you ignored the jittery ball of nerves that went along with waiting to see if he'd ever get around to making a move. Maybe she'd been reading the signs all wrong. Maybe this was just him being a friend.
"Wait a minute," she thought. "You are Lila Fowler. You don't have to wait for him to do anything. He'd be damn lucky if you took him back after the way things ended before." Before she could talk herself out of it, she found herself saying, "Ken?"
"Hmm?" as he started to turn her way, Lila closed the distance between them and kissed him softly. For a second he was too stunned to react and then his brain kicked in.
She's kissing you. Lila is kissing you again. Do something!
He didn't need to be told again, so he kissed her back. He slid his arms around her, pulling her as close as he possibly could. For the first time in his life, he was truly grateful to not live somewhere where snow was a possibility. It was torture enough having their lightest jackets between them, let alone big, bulky puffy coats. Her hands slid up his back and came to rest lightly on the back of his neck while his encircled her waist. God, he'd missed this, the way they fit together, the way everything else in the world fell away when they were together.
It ended all too soon.
"Lila?" he asked when he reluctantly pulled away.
She looked up at him and smiled. "I miss you, Ken," she said simply, more than a little dizzy from the combination of the intensity of their kiss and the way she was afraid, for just a moment, that he was going to say this was a bad idea. Still, she had to try. Holding back hadn't done her any favors before.
He looked at her, at the way the lights seemed to make her glow in the fading sunlight... or maybe it was just that she finally seemed to be happy again. "I love you, too." He leaned in close and whispered, "Merry Christmas, Lila," before kissing her, sure that this time was for keeps.
Merry Christmas to you.
Now. Where's my nog?
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-14 01:33 am (UTC)♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
I love this! It's like you hit all of my squee buttons - a little angst, a little hurt/comfort, a little light comedy, and lots of romance ♥ I don't even know where to begin! (Other than to say you should definitely advertise this because it's too good to keep socked away at your journal :P)
First of all - I *love* how multifaceted Lila is: we see the snob, we see the princess, but we also see the little girl who wants nothing more than her father's love and attention. This line really stood out to me: "Lila never broke down and showed any emotion other than anger around someone she felt the need to impress and Lila wanted to impress everyone." I've never thought of it that way - that one of the motivations for her actions was wanting everyone to be in awe of her, the way her father wasn't. Amazing!
My heart just broke when Mr. Fowler left :-/ After all she'd done, and how much she was counting on his promise...wow, that was like a gut-punch.
And then there's Ken. Sweet, unassuming Ken. It certainly takes a lot to go check in with your ex, especially if it ended as badly as is hinted here. He really cuts a sympathetic figure - not only in the way he tries to cheer Lila up, but just in general. He still reads like a typical guy in that he's kinda clueless and lost, but there's a really attractive maturity about him. How many sixteen-year-old boys would do this? How many wouldn't turn tail and run the second they hear the word "love" and their own feelings confirmed? Wow!
And on top of that, he cracked me up, with his modesty and his recounting of the party. I love all the teases and hints of stories to come, and of course there's always poor Winston...
I LOL'ed at Ken's father - I like that he was such a great contrast to his mother in the way they included Lila in the festivities. Lila's uncomfortableness was palpable, but it was very sweet of Mrs. Matthews to try to include her. And Ken's gift was, of course, another gut-punch, but in the most pleasant way...it hints at a very sensitive/thoughtful soul, another rare quality among teenage boys :P
And, of course, there's the ending ♥ and boy what an ending it is! Lila finds her self-confidence again and goes for it, and gets exactly what she wants ~ just like always, eh? ;)
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!
This fic is definitely going at the top of my holiday rec list! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2012-01-17 11:59 am (UTC)First: I'm glad you liked/loved. :D I believe it was sparked when flipping through your dear author thing, but maybe I'm going crazy. The point is, yay, you liked which is doubly good as you sorta prompted it! :D
I figured that Lila would continue to compare her Christmases to the Wakefield's (even though out of the eleventy-billion specials, I don't really remember any of them being all that *happy* y'know?) and that as she got older, her father would feel free to jet off around the world without a second thought... even at Christmas, as he's totally one of those people who doesn't really see the difference between a regular work day and a holiday.
Ken! I was a bit worried on how to handle him since, y'know, teenage boys ain't my specialty, even those who reside in the fair Sweet Valley and aren't held to such lofty standards as realism. Still, he always struck me as being one of those genuinely nice guys (not the Nice Guy to be avoided later in life) that don't seem to exist quite so much in the world. (See: the way he still occasionally seems uncomfortable with the football hero worship that crops up in the series, his not wanting to hook up with Amy just because she's hot, and the Olivia 'ship.) I figured this meant that he'd notice when Lila wasn't around and worried even if no one else did.
Yay for Ken coming across as funny! Just because I think something is funny doesn't actually make it funny, so it's nice to have it confirmed. ;) Also, I don't believe there should be a single SVH party where something doesn't happen to Winston be it good, bad, or just plain silly. This is why Senior Year is dead to me. Dead!
Also yay for Ken's parents. I had such a hard time with them because I kept wanting to go bigger and... bigger wasn't better in this case. It was just a jarring disconnect from the rest of the story. (Brain would then whine: "but it's fuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyy.")
I firmly believe that what Lila wants, Lila gets and that's the way the world should like it. ;)
This was way more cohesive in my head and the eleventy billion re-writes but ultimately I'm still thrilled that you liked it as much as I do. Well. I'm pretending you do, anyway. ;)