Five years, man.
Mar. 3rd, 2016 12:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impyI'm not sure how much I'll be around today, so I figure I should probably say this now and then resume my skulking around.
It's been five years since Dad died. On the one hand, that feels like it says enough, on the other, it barely scratches the surface.
This isn't a woe, woe is me kind of thing, it's just... when he first died, I knew objectively that the world wasn't going to stop and that one day it would stop feeling like someone had shoved glass into my heart and told me that everything was the same as always. But I also knew that if left to my own devices, I would be far happier buried under my quilt, ignoring this strange new world that was lacking someone very important to me.
And things are okay now. They're not super fantastic and I would trade a whole bunch of things (and, let's be honest, some people) for the last five years to be basically the world's longest fever dream, but they're okay.
I still miss him the most when everyone is losing their damn minds over something and I know that if he were still here things wouldn't have reached panic level quite so quickly (or at all). It still makes me sad to know that people I've met or really gotten to know after his death won't ever get to know him and he won't have gotten to know them. It's weird, it's a thing.
I'm not sure if we'll be going out to dinner tonight or if we'll just be acquiring Chinese. We've gone out previous years and I'd kind of like to do that, but I also know that just because I want to do something, it doesn't mean other people do.
Now, I think I'm going to go cuddle the cat and maybe peek outside to see how bright this sunshine thing is.
It's been five years since Dad died. On the one hand, that feels like it says enough, on the other, it barely scratches the surface.
This isn't a woe, woe is me kind of thing, it's just... when he first died, I knew objectively that the world wasn't going to stop and that one day it would stop feeling like someone had shoved glass into my heart and told me that everything was the same as always. But I also knew that if left to my own devices, I would be far happier buried under my quilt, ignoring this strange new world that was lacking someone very important to me.
And things are okay now. They're not super fantastic and I would trade a whole bunch of things (and, let's be honest, some people) for the last five years to be basically the world's longest fever dream, but they're okay.
I still miss him the most when everyone is losing their damn minds over something and I know that if he were still here things wouldn't have reached panic level quite so quickly (or at all). It still makes me sad to know that people I've met or really gotten to know after his death won't ever get to know him and he won't have gotten to know them. It's weird, it's a thing.
I'm not sure if we'll be going out to dinner tonight or if we'll just be acquiring Chinese. We've gone out previous years and I'd kind of like to do that, but I also know that just because I want to do something, it doesn't mean other people do.
Now, I think I'm going to go cuddle the cat and maybe peek outside to see how bright this sunshine thing is.
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(no subject)
Date: 2016-03-04 03:20 am (UTC)People talk about time flying when you're old, but damn it already feels like that for me :-/
I hope you were able to celebrate your dad today, even if just by cuddling with the kitty.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-03-04 04:50 pm (UTC)