I Just Can't Walk Away

I don't do resolutions, so there's that. Instead, I think I'll revive my Pollyanna Project where I try to be more aware of the good stuff because it's so very easy for me to get bogged down by the bad.

That said, we begin with the bad. Ari's still in the hospital and it sounds like she's getting a feeding tube. She was really freaked out about this a few months ago and I can only imagine how much it sucks to think you dodged that bullet only to find that no, you just prolonged things a bit. (She had gallbladder surgery Monday and was supposed to be home in time for the New Year but clearly that didn't happen but I just found out about it today.) The worrying kicked up about fifteen notches. I'd hoped she was just quiet because it's only the second and she had surgery so of course she'd be sleeping or hanging out with her husband and pets and not calling because it's recovery and she's not at the stir crazy stage yet.

Sigh.


Elsewhere on pessimism island, we have work. This one's been festering for a few days and I think once I say something, I'll have an easier time letting it go. Friday or Saturday my overnight manager told me about a little exchange she had with the store manager. She'd asked about this little x next to my name in the office which meant I got a customer survey thumbs up, or that someone called to say my customer service was excellent, because when she asked me what it was for, I didn't know what she was talking about.

Neither did he. He looked through papers to see if he could find any info and when he couldn't, shrugged it off and made a comment about it being old anyway (from the start of the month? and no one said anything all fucking month?) and how he heard that I just read a lot and how he was impressed with new chick overnight because he told her one day to do something and the next day she did it. Huzzah!

To which I kind of felt like someone kicked me in the shins. A) My last two performance reviews have been super. The ones before that also super. If you give me something to do, I do it. You need to know where something is in the store, I will find that sucker. Also, I haven't seen him in months so in order for him to "hear" this, someone's talking shit about me.

I'm not delusional. I don't think everyone loves me. But I didn't think anyone had a beef with me to the point that they would either bitch to the store manager (without ever saying a word to me) or to one of his minions who would then... bitch about me. So overnight manager asks if anything happened the week after J left. I couldn't think of anything, and in fact I was given pretty high praise for the work I did in making the seasonal aisle, both sides, look fabulous.

I suppose it's possible he's reverting to the fact that he'd bust me reading magazines back when I worked 12-8 but that's been more than two years so... that's not super likely, and even then I still managed to get all my work done plus part of someone else's...

I have noticed a more pronounced divide between third shift and the other shifts because they aren't fucking doing their jobs and are delusional enough to comment on anything they think is us not doing our jobs, so maybe one of the underlings decided that it was fine for them to read on the job but I must clearly read all night and do no work?

It's vexing, truly. It hurts my feelings and I can only get so upset because um, yeah, I do flip through a magazine while I have people hovering around the register but not in line. If I walk away, I risk coming back to find a jackhole behind the register stealing cigarettes. No thank you. (It's happened before and will likely happen again.) So it's a mix of being mad at myself and hurt that someone else is taking aim at me without knowing who it is.

Mixed in with this: New girl overnight told me what he said and she did part of it but not all of it. So I did the rest for her because she's spent month she's worked overnight fretting about setting him off.

And she gets praised for it.


The fucking hell?

Then I get warned that new overnight manager (not overnight girl) is known to be a drama llama so I should watch my back, and ditto for the person who had been covering the shifts.

Paranoia from all sides, man. I get angry and then it cycles to frustration levels of wanting to cry because all I wanted to know was who gave me my first "yay, good job" of the official sort. I didn't even ask beyond, "wait, what? Really? I finally got one?" Dude, I was so happy and now that's ruined by everything that came about after.




But I did say we were going back to Pollyanna so.

The good thing about working overnight at my store on New Year's Eve is that from the front register you can see a lot of the fireworks that go off at midnight. And since everyone else is out celebrating then, you don't have to worry about ringing anyone up and can enjoy them for about thirty seconds.


And last night/this morning, new girl took two for the team in cleaning up poop from the floor (yes, really) and a broken wine bottle. Yay for not having to do that myself!


Little things, man. Little things.

Originally posted by kimonos_house at #326

  I've been thinking about this for awhile, but every time I think about actually following through, something comes up. The heck with that, I'm starting now. Welcome to the Pollyanna Project, Impy style. Every day (or perhaps a round-up at the end of the week, but I'll think of something new each day regardless of whether it's posted or not) I'm going to come up with something that makes life suck just a little less. Big things, small things, insane things, things only *I* might appreciate- it doesn't matter. They're all completely valid reasons for getting out of bed. I hope.

Today we begin with Kimono's Townhouse, a webcomic I wish I'd known about earlier. I believe someone posted a link a week ago in one of the pony comms and I read this particular comic and knew I had to read every last strip. I believe I accomplished that within two days while I did other things. Web comic. With ponies. I laughed til I nearly cried a few times and like most comedies that get my stamp of approval, there are moments that sneak up on you and surprise you with a bit of sad to offset the zany.

I love you, Minty. ("You smell expensive!") If you've got time to kill, and even if you don't, I highly recommend reading through.

The downside is that it makes me eye ponies I deliberately snubbed. Not safe!