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I do not feel old but I do feel weird
May. 16th, 2019 06:44 amI was going to say, "wanna feel old? Well, yesterday was Widget's 18th birthday!" but... that doesn't actually make me feel all that old? Well, not older than usual anyway. But yes, he's now 18 and that does feel a bit weird.
It seems fitting that his birthday basically was a decent summation of my current relationship with Widget: all over the place. :P I hope his side of his birthday was better than my side, honestly, though that might be difficult since he seems to have broken his thumb the night before.
Terribly vague, so very sorry. ( Details I suppose. )
It is weird to realize I still remember him appearing in the world (and the lead-up) and now he's pretty grown-up in some ways. Sometimes, when I'm feeling selfish, I wonder if he'll be the sort to reflect back and realize that Mums and I wound up doing a good chunk of the not fun parenting. However, for years my big goal (aside from keeping him alive) was to keep him from realizing how much of the short end of the stick he'd gotten with regards to his parents at various times in his life.
I wonder how much he actually remembers my dad.
Considering my age and general disinterest in having kids of my own has been fairly constant (definitely when you consider childbirth- ugh), my role in Widget's life is pretty much the closest to parenthood I will likely ever come. Which is a good thing, I guess, and a bad thing as basically a good chunk of my run was spent putting out fires caused by his parents and his reactions to them. I do hope that he matures more this year and accepts that sometimes life just handicaps you at the start but you gotta work with that. Or at least around it, and stop using that as a reason to fuck up without wanting to accept the consequences for said fucking up.
Basically I'd like him to experience enough growth that he's beyond both parents at this point. It's a lofty goal.
It seems fitting that his birthday basically was a decent summation of my current relationship with Widget: all over the place. :P I hope his side of his birthday was better than my side, honestly, though that might be difficult since he seems to have broken his thumb the night before.
Terribly vague, so very sorry. ( Details I suppose. )
It is weird to realize I still remember him appearing in the world (and the lead-up) and now he's pretty grown-up in some ways. Sometimes, when I'm feeling selfish, I wonder if he'll be the sort to reflect back and realize that Mums and I wound up doing a good chunk of the not fun parenting. However, for years my big goal (aside from keeping him alive) was to keep him from realizing how much of the short end of the stick he'd gotten with regards to his parents at various times in his life.
I wonder how much he actually remembers my dad.
Considering my age and general disinterest in having kids of my own has been fairly constant (definitely when you consider childbirth- ugh), my role in Widget's life is pretty much the closest to parenthood I will likely ever come. Which is a good thing, I guess, and a bad thing as basically a good chunk of my run was spent putting out fires caused by his parents and his reactions to them. I do hope that he matures more this year and accepts that sometimes life just handicaps you at the start but you gotta work with that. Or at least around it, and stop using that as a reason to fuck up without wanting to accept the consequences for said fucking up.
Basically I'd like him to experience enough growth that he's beyond both parents at this point. It's a lofty goal.
