I Just Can't Walk Away

The state of the me: numb.

I'd expected to just kind of crash, either when she actually died (I knew it was coming for a few days prior and feared for a bit longer) or when I didn't have to fake being okay for work but uh, nope. Still operating on survival mode, I guess. Which is odd because last week I'd think something upsetting and wham, tears even if I managed to fight them back. Since my weekend began? I will think I see her out of the corner of my eye or keep expecting her to appear when she normally would, or keep having thoughts like, "oh, I bet she's with Mo-...wait, no" and uh, no tears. Or feeling anything apart from a decided lack of her being here.

Flipside, try and type anything about her and tears. Woo?


Sigh.

Also, I ventured outside yesterday after staying up far later than I'd intended and it looked and even felt (temp wise) like December but it didn't really FEEL like Christmas is coming. And this is after I spent the morning decorating the non-tree spaces for Christmas. Felt nothing.

Off to see what the weather calls for today and then, if it's not going to be a billion degrees, maybe actually make it outside for longer than a trip to the car to grab something.

In case you wondered, so far Miss Ozma seems to be doing fine. Her appointment was pushed back twenty minutes, and it took another twenty once we got there for them to see her (to be fair, we did arrive about five minutes before her second scheduled time) annnnnnnnnnd apparently when they looked at her tooth, it fell the rest of the way out. They're not sure if it was a fracture or if her teeth just kind of suck and the only way to tell that is to do an X-ray and, y'know might as well do a cleaning then, and that involves anesthesia and also, another $700. Maybe. It's an estimate. I'm still not 100% sure on whether that estimate also includes them removing the root if her tooth didn't come ALL the way out, or if that'll be more money on top. I'll either have to ask or look at the estimate sheet again the next time I go upstairs.

So, I can either do that or wait and keep an eye on her to make nothing funky happens. I asked and they really did not want to answer one way or the other. I know people are afraid of being sued if they say the wrong thing, but geez. You are an expert. I presume you have an opinion on this matter, and even if my wallet does not like the opinion, I would like to know it. Mom and Cass both said to go with the wait and see approach and it seemed like that was what the vet was leaning towards in this particular case, though I do think she also thought I should have the teeth cleaning done, which might've explained the inability to give an opinion on the matter. (that would have been a perfectly valid opinion though, dammit.) Also got her a dewormer treatment and her rabies shot, so huzzah for that.

My only real problem with the $700 option, aside from not knowing if that includes the extraction of left over bits) is that I know older cats particularly do not do well with being put under.

Also, I have never had so many people not be able to figure out how to pronounce Ozma. Literally none of the people I spoke to about her this entire time could figure out Oz-ma. The only one I'm giving a pass to is the dude with the serial killer walk because I couldn't hear him all that well through the mask and I'm not even sure he tried. Plus he was awfully young, as in I'm not sure he wasn't doing what Cass & Ari used to do back in the day and volunteer there for school credit. But the others were all adults with no excuse! Even if you somehow missed the classics that were Ozma of Oz or Return to Oz, you know The Wizard of Oz. You know how to say Ma. Just throw them together.

Sigh.